BPD friend/co-worker cheated on her boyfriend

[naguma]

A woman at work recently told me that she was diagnosed BPD and bi-polar(guessing hermit, if that matters), this was after explaining that my ex was BPD and bi-polar (waif/hermit with her). She has lived with her boyfriend the entire time we have known each other. So to me it was a platonic friendship.

Two weekends ago I told her about a girl I was going out with that I was starting to like. That night she went out and cheated on her boyfriend.

The first day after this she avoided me and seemed guilty (had no clue at this point what she had done), the second day she started accusing me of things. Odd stuff, like it was my fault we never work together.

Her boyfriend knows of the diagnosis, but does not seem to understand what it implies.

How do you confront someone with this stuff in a way that they will understand. He is deeply in love with her and god knows the pain that can cause. Not sure I want to be the one to tell him about her behavior (wish her friend had never told me). So maybe he can get some help to accept what she is and possibly gain a little more control over the situation (and in the process gain her loyalty back).

Answers for the first part are the major concern, secondary to that(although very important). How do you avoid triggering abandonment fears with someone you need to work with and don't want to make it anything more? The past week, I stopped talking to her altogether - both her friend and her have started a minor smear campaign in retaliation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Do you think that you sharing what you did with her resulted in her decision to cheat? It could be that sharing what you know (BPD) has resulted in her odd behaviors towards you (shame-based, probably).

Given her behaviors, do you want to enter the drama triangle here with him? She may find out.

[naguma]

Hope she doesn't find out.

Things at work have gotten odder, but that's another thing. Any rate, still having a lot of trouble dealing with the drama at work. Feel like a lot of it is my fault, though not all.

Learning to set a limits with borderlines, and act unaffected around them. At first this was a defense mechanism to ward borderlines off. However, it seems to be attracting them just as much as being a white knight. In all honesty, a new relationship is forming with a borderline. And 90% of my relationships since the break from my ex have been unstable women. Went through a few witch - queen types but they turn me off quickly. Have a weakness for hermit/waif types though, even when not protecting or saving them.

Guess I am having difficulty getting a grasp on behavior that doesn't attract them. At this point it seems easier to keep borderlines happy, experience breeds understanding. Lots of problems right now. A logical want for normalcy and an emotional need for the roller coaster is causing an internal conflict. One of the biggest problems is that manic episodes of bi-polars and idealization phases of borderlines make me happy. As example, the new borderline in my life recently met another girl she gets along with well. They have a lot of fun together and it makes me happy.

All of this is making it hard to figure out what I really want for myself, combined with insecurity about what I offer normal women and how to have a relationship with them.

There's a question in there somewhere... .

[sweetheart]

Hello Naguma, why wouldn't that roller-coaster experience negate any attempt at normalcy?

What does the roller coaster experience offer you that normalcy can't, what keeps you in this pattern of relating, how far back does it go?

I wonder if it would help you explore these issues more thoroughly and get more in depth responses on the Personal Inventory board, how do you feel about posting these questions there?

There are many questions in your post, how do you see yourself improving this situation, what's doable given that you work together?