rollercoaster24
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Living apart six months
Posts: 362
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« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2013, 03:58:20 AM » |
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Hi all
I have learnt over 3 and a half years, not to ask him to do anything for me. The huge price I must pay is too exacting on me.
It does not matter that my support in all ways has been consistent, through his frequent abuse, dumping and recycling, I have always been there reliably.
Now he has taken to not asking/hinting at me for any money, where before he had no problem with it, now he refuses to, and would rather starve, (this is my fault and his parents fault allegedly, he flips between saying it isn't my fault, to blaming his involvement with me and all the scum I introduced him to). It does not matter that I end up dealing with his inability to take responsibility for his choices, (listening to the effect his choices have on his body and mind) he sees himself as totally independent, (in reality he is far from it).
The guy is 46 this year, and lives board/rent/utilities free in a shed outside at his elderly parents house. He has been unemployed now for 5 years, his car has fallen apart, he cannot meet his financial obligations, kept making excuses not to find work and improve matters for himself, now he has run himself so low to the ground that I fear he may never recover. There is absolutely nothing I can do, and it is so painful and frustrating to watch the absolute demise of this man, but the rage and abuse and assaults on me because of his own stupid choices financially over the time he has been back staying with his parents, is astounding.
For the first few months I knew him, he slept on my lounge, (apparently in need of temporary accommodation until he found a job). We were friends, then friends with benefits, then in a relationship. He stayed at my house for two years, but his rage, abuse, provocations, assaults, property damages, threats, attempted murders etc, took their toll, and when he instigated more physical confrontations with members of my family, that was the end of him staying here. He expected me to take his side over it all, so basically, he expected to stay at my house, and it be like a war zone and let him away with that on a permanent basis. He called it 'getting upset', I called it disgusting violence, and I said NO MORE AT THIS HOUSE.
This house is a house of peace, if you cannot sit down like an adult and resolve your differences in a peaceful way, then you cannot stay here, because I do not wish to live this way every week of life.
I believe he has guilt left over from our recent separation (long distance relationship) of two weeks or so. His parents had said things that led me to believe he had been seeing someone else over that period, but they said they could not elaborate as they didn't want to cause trouble (for themselves) or get involved.
I believe it may even still be happening, (which is another reason why he is coping well with not seeing much of me in person). I have heard 3 different stories about some female neighbour, and where she lives, since she decided to try and wake him or his parents in the middle of the night 6 months ago.
She was supposedly having troubles with her own partner, he was smashing up the house whilst her Mother was out of town for the weekend, and being frightened for her life etc, she had to escape and try calling the police to remove him from her Mother's house.
She could not wake BP's elderly parents, (she knows BP's Father) because BP heard her knocking on their door at 2 am, and came out to stop her, getting involved himself. There were two different stories about what took place that night, the latter one, was that he took her to the petrol station to use the public phone nearby, but he had to ask her for money for petrol first, (because he had almost none left).
He says they talked, and he told her about me and my living circumstances, how I live with another man etc.
I could not believe that he told her this, and made me out to look like a total ****. The truth is, my daughter and her partner board with me, and BP really has it in for my son in law to be, (always did from the first day he moved in here two years ago).
When BP rung me later that morning, to tell me about his night, (being woken by this neighbour and her life story) he then picked a fight with me, and abused me verbally and dumped me, hanging up. He did not want me to call him back on his mobile that morning, like he normally would if he felt guilty using his parents phone.
The neighbour apparently came back down later that morning, (when his Father was home) and spoke with him. But I know for sure that his parents did not arrive home until later that afternoon, so I realised BP had lied to me about the female neighbour again.
This causes me great concern.
Sorry for going on folks, life is a rollercoaster from one drama he creates until the next.
For the last 3 weeks, since the 3/7 when he turned up out of the blue to recycle, (after his 2 weeks of NC for his longest ever) I have mostly only spoken on the phone with him each day. Last Sunday I was conned into going to see him for cuddles and time together, and I was subjected to a 7 hour rant, damages to my car, verbal abuse, which ended in my driving off, for an hour or so, returning, and being subjected to more verbal abuse in the morning, when I got up to go to work, and rocks thrown at my car because I left, (after he abused me and told me to *****Off anyway!). I keep being told that we are not together, and not in a relationship but he wants to talk on the phone every day? This is confusing to me, that if I confront him about what he says about us not having a relationship since I 'kicked him out' 15 months ago, and we still don't now, he doesn't like me repeating back what he tells me himself! Confused! You bet... . what about all those times over the last 15 months that he openly benefited from our 'non relationship' and was treated as a partner with all the privileges of that title?
I still don't get it.
Can anybody tell me what the hell is going on here? He tells me he loves me, and talks of me as his partner, then splits to saying we aren't in a relationship! Well, why call me your partner then?
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