My story bpd ex and need some help

[Fandb182]

First post here ever.

I was with my ex BPD untreated for almost 11 months during these times we had ups and downs, beginning was wonderful but eventually I felt like I can't satisfy her increased needs and moodyness anymore.

We were spending Christmas togethet at her family (the only real family she considers is her brother, brothers wife and their little boy who she adores)
Their family lives in another country so it was such a milestone and made me felt good that we are progressing. We were living together for 4 months at this time.
Her family told me I'm the only one in years that she has introduced to them.

In January I had a gut feeling something is ain't right....she was distant....and not the usuall push pull distant....like super distant
Sex was also an issue...she said it hurts sometimes and I want to turn her into a sexual slave when I told her that I would like to have more (since once a month is ain't enough when you adore and in to someone)

So exactly a month ago I checked her phone(never prior I did this but my gut told me to)
He was talking with another guy...giving him the attention the sexy talk and everything that I thought would deserve.

Told her this is not okay at all and packed my stuff and left.

The thing is..... I still very much love her and wanted to be with her.
I know it's pathetic after all this but still.

3 weeks agos she sent me a text that her grandma is with the angels. I gave her my condolences and if she needs anything I'm there for her.
2weeks ago I tried to ask her to have a talk about us......
Well she told me she doesn't want this anymore, she's never gonna be enough for my impossible standards, that I want to change her, I always just analize her, and that the relationship failed is my fault "if only you would of make more effort".

Trust me I made more effort with her than any women prior.

I understand I'm blacker than black.
I understand she is probably with the new guy.

But I still want her back for some reason.

She blocked me on Viber she blocked me on messenger but not on Facebook for some reason.(she unfriended me couple of month back because of a fight)
I know it's her cause Facebook shows "not friends who watched it"

I'm not sure what approach should I take. How should I get her back one day, full no contact? Low contact? Tomorrow it's her birthday and I will wish her happy birthday that's so baseline for me I can't just ignore her like she does.

Need advice thanks
She watches my stories but

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

I'm not sure what approach should I take. How should I get her back one day, full no contact? Low contact? Tomorrow it's her birthday and I will wish her happy birthday that's so baseline for me I can't just ignore her like she does.

"no contact" is a tool to use when you are trying to detach from a breakup. if you want her back, think of contact more in terms of reading the room; if she has you blocked, its probably not a good idea to try to get around that.

in order to reconcile the relationship, you have to be able to step back from the conflict and your feelings, and look at the bigger picture: what is the conflict between you? how badly has the relationship broken down and why? what is it going to take, if possible, to get it on the right track?

the first and most important step is to stop the bleeding...dont let the conflict get worse. you can learn to do this here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111890.0

[Fandb182]

Maybe it's too late? Too much time has passed? I'm confused scared and anxious loosing someone I really cared for and loved.

She said she can't trust me..... Which is insane since I was lways there for her whenever/whatever happened or difficulties happened in her life.

It feels like I was dumped and didn't do the breakup.
I feel I let her down in some way.
And blaming myself a lot.

[once removed]

She said she can't trust me.....

from 35000 feet up, this is a damaged relationship, with a lot of hurt on both sides. she may be the more difficult person in the relationship, or she may have contributed more to the damage, but at the end of the day, youve got to determine how, if possible, this can be reconciled. to do that, you have to stop the bleeding first.

i dont know if you read the lesson on stopping the bleeding, but if not, weve got something simpler; just a three minute lesson on ending conflict. it will help you to understand, and navigate this: https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict