I agree. She said she wanted to be on the same level with other women she knew. Plus she wanted a personal attachment, she didn't feel like a real woman without kids. Imo with her low self esteem and confused sense of self I don't know if that would have helped. I WANTED kids just not the same way that she did.
I think that is absolutely the worst reason to want kids. I think disordered people see kids as an extension of themselves. I have a family member that has been diagnosed with BPD. She has 4 kids by 3 different guys. Even when I told her to stop it and suggested she get some kind of birth control, she didn't listen. She wanted to keep the option of having more kids open. That made no sense to me. She doesn't work. Is on welfare and can't provide for the kids. I don't understand how a person could desire to bring kids into a situation like that. I feel guilty for not being able to give my kids more. I feel guilty because of the person that I chose to be their father.
She would say that things always had to be my way. At least I had a plan or goals. She didn't want anything but a child and someone to pay for it and that's it. She would say one thing but her actions or inaction spoke louder.
You did the right thing by NOT having a child with her. It is so painful to know that ex is the father of these children. Kids deserve so much better. They are innocent and shouldn't have to be protected from a disordered parent.