Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 20, 2024, 08:08:58 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die (Read 683 times)
FaithHopeLove
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Shaky
Posts: 1606
Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
on:
July 06, 2019, 07:40:06 AM »
Now that my hopes for my son's recovery from addiction and BPD have been dashed I am working on accepting the possibility of his death.
I need to find that serenity. Who here is with me?
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Kwamina
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3535
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #1 on:
July 06, 2019, 07:48:45 AM »
The Board Parrot is here with you
FaithHopeLove
It is so difficult and heartbreaking when a loved one suffers from active suicidal ideation. Accepting the reality that you might lose your son is very hard. I have not given up all hope for your son yet and have also responded in your other thread.
This is a very difficult and challenging situation indeed, we are here for you
«
Last Edit: July 06, 2019, 07:55:38 AM by Kwamina
»
Logged
Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
GaGrl
Ambassador
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5753
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #2 on:
July 06, 2019, 09:39:12 AM »
I am holding you close to my heart. I certainly have no answer or plan. Can you stay present just for today? It could be tempting to catastrophize.
Logged
"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
PeaceMom
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 546
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #3 on:
July 06, 2019, 09:49:21 AM »
Faith,
I can hear the sadness and disappointment in your words. Im so sorry and I would feel defeated, as well. It takes all we have to muster up the energy to be truly hopeful and then when the reality of addition and a MH disorder rare it’s ugly ugly head, we crumble. I know you are well aware of this, but it is extremely typical for addicts transitioning to rehab to run. The reality is that he got closer than ever before so it might be easier in the future. Is there an N.A. Meeting in your area? We’ve been so blessed by face to face with others who GET IT. Thinking of you right this moment and praying the Peace of God over you.
Peacemom
Logged
MomSA
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married 28yrs
Posts: 155
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #4 on:
July 06, 2019, 10:00:26 AM »
Sending you love and support.
I am not in that place, but can only empathise that this is the logical end to what you think is happening...
Praying that it is not what happens
Logged
mom7834
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 24
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #5 on:
July 06, 2019, 10:22:54 PM »
I really have no words of comfort, only care and support. I thought about you a lot today. As I am looking forward to my daughter's discharge in a few days after a month in drug rehab, I also wondered if she will actually go through with all the plans she is making for after care, therapy and meetings or if she said it all so I would get her a car. A month ago, every time the doorbell rang I fully expected to open my door to two policeman and a priest. Thank God, she decided to get the help she needed. I hope. Maybe your son will turn around any minute and decide enough is enough and go to rehab. We can only hope because as you well know, it has to be his decision. I'll pray for you all tonight. <3
Logged
FaithHopeLove
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Shaky
Posts: 1606
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #6 on:
July 07, 2019, 04:24:51 AM »
Thank you all for your love and support as I journey through the valley of the shadow of death.
Logged
MomSA
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married 28yrs
Posts: 155
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #7 on:
July 07, 2019, 07:32:43 AM »
Quote from: FaithHopeLove on July 07, 2019, 04:24:51 AM
Thank you all for your love and support as I journey through the valley of the shadow of death.
As I know you have expressed your Christian faith, I pray that our Heavenly Father will be close to you in this time of deep anguish and pain.
Logged
wendydarling
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 2701
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #8 on:
July 08, 2019, 01:16:00 PM »
Hi
Faith
I was overwhelmingly triggered, hence me joining this thread late. I am of course here with you, always and forever.
As parents we know when our beautiful children are in the most unbearable pain they want to get out of their bodies, life is on the edge. If you've seen it, you know and as you are Faith you prepare. We are forced to prepare, it's the natural path. I did find peace, serenity by accepting I may lose her and I believe without her knowing, it has helped her.
As
Lollypop
says on Detaching/Releasing with love thread we do not know what is ahead, things can get better and then worse, then better again. Certainly been my experience, sliding doors.
Faith, your son ran from the airport, not from the care of the hospital, he stayed there and that was a triumph for him. Yes?
Love WDx
Logged
Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 834
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #9 on:
July 08, 2019, 01:29:49 PM »
I am in the valley with you, Faith. My son did a similar thing. The hold of the addiction is all - encompassing.
Logged
Bluemoon23
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 80
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #10 on:
July 08, 2019, 04:14:42 PM »
I am here too because I also am dealing with that. Not addiction as my son did do inpatient care and has been sober 7 years now but he's not done much since leaving rehab and that's where my situation today is. He is severely depressed and feels worthless. His anxiety prevents him from doing a lot and he's hiding at home with me. It feels like now is the time that he has to move out and that was something I told him on Saturday. So I will worry about that about his suicidal thoughts as we navigate the next few weeks for him to move out. I had hoped keeping him here and supporting him through this journey would help but he's hiding and I'm enabling and it's messy and not good.
So I know how you feel and am here too with you.
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
wendydarling
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 2701
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #11 on:
July 08, 2019, 07:02:39 PM »
Swimmy
, I am here with you too
WDx
Logged
Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
wendydarling
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 2701
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #12 on:
July 08, 2019, 07:19:16 PM »
Welcome
Bluemoon23
we know how your feel too. 7 years sober is a huge achievement, we nudge forward like you are. I'm glad you've joined us, together, we support each other and that is critical. You are not alone.
WDx
Logged
Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 834
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #13 on:
July 08, 2019, 07:49:37 PM »
Thank you ,Wendy d,
Faith ( and all of those having severe doubts about your kids' tenuous hold on sobriety), I know there is nothing I can say to take away your pain. Breathe in and out. Count 4 seconds in , hold 4 sec, exhale 4 sec and count 4 sec. Repeat. That is what I have been doing. Also I want to offer a few crumbs of something-let's challenge ourselves to see some very basic success:
1. The police haven't knocked on our doors today giving us "the news" and you know what news I mean. That is the new definition of a successful day for us.
2. Faith- While it is bitter disappointment that our kids didn't make rehab (this time) ,for a brief time they did see some merit in going. The pull of the disease was stronger. For now.
There are some success stories out there and while our sons are still alive, they have hope,too, of being a couple of success stories.
Logged
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 834
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #14 on:
July 09, 2019, 07:54:11 AM »
It is hard holding onto what I wrote to you yesterday. The struggle is real. I can only manage the breathing here and there. Going to therapy. Hang tough, Faith /everyone.
Logged
Bluemoon23
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 80
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #15 on:
July 09, 2019, 08:23:47 AM »
Thank you wendydarling. I know the struggle of waiting for police to knock on the door and it's painful and challenging. I felt great comfort in finding this platform yesterday as I struggle with new challenges with my son. Reading and writing here has provided such great support as we all have similar journeys. Wanting our kids to make the right choice, the best choice, for themselves and watching them struggle to find them is so hard. I feel like we fight, we teach, we advise and we then have to find a way to reconcile when they make poor choices or bad choices for them and for their lives. It's hard to watch sometimes and hard to stand by. Knowing that others know your pain, have felt that pain and are travelling similar paths helps so much with the shame, guilt, frustration, hurt and anger we all have felt and are feeling.
FaithHope I hear and understand your anger, frustration and hurt. It sounds like your son is fighting to make that best decision for themselves and they are trying. I hope they keep fighting and wanting better for themselves.
Logged
mggt
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 447
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #16 on:
July 09, 2019, 05:03:08 PM »
Here with you also, Sending hugs prayers and positive thoughts Stay strong our friend
Logged
wendydarling
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 2701
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #17 on:
July 09, 2019, 06:08:53 PM »
Excerpt
It is hard holding onto what I wrote to you yesterday. The struggle is real. I can only manage the breathing here and there. Going to therapy. Hang tough, Faith /everyone.
Breathe
Swimmy,
it is hard, days go up and down. My daughter could have wrote what you have. Well she actually writes similar on her BPD, DBT twitter account from time to time, and gets lovely replies back saying hang in there, you are not alone. So from my daughter who struggles too, I say hang in there and let us know how you are doing
Excerpt
I felt great comfort in finding this platform yesterday as I struggle with new challenges with my son. Reading and writing here has provided such great support as we all have similar journeys.
You are right
BlueMoon
, we do have similar journeys, each and everyone of us, we want to get to a better place, calm and peace and for our children to follow our leadership. That is how I see it. It does require us to change, tweak our approach, gently and truly understand what BPD and co-morbid means for our children and that is hard, it is complex and it takes time and it is painful.
Yes
mggt
Faith how are you today?
WDx
«
Last Edit: July 09, 2019, 06:20:32 PM by wendydarling
»
Logged
Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
zachira
Ambassador
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 3362
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #18 on:
July 09, 2019, 07:57:29 PM »
I am here with you in that you are right about finding serenity, acceptance that your son is not ready to go to treatment for drug addiction. I have a few thoughts that may or may not be helpful. I have worked with people with drug addiction and many came for treatment when they realized they would die without it. Hopefully your son will come to realize he has to make a life or death decision about continuing his drug use. I was told most people with drug addiction need a program that lasts one to two years. I am wondering if your son felt he might fail if it were only one month. How many times has he been to drug treatment? Usually the more failures, the more one learns, and there comes a time when many challenged by drug addiction are ready to stay clean. I am with you in that you can't keep worrying about him as it is just too painful. Oftentimes, when they are ready for treatment, the family has been out of their lives for many years. I am so sad you have to make this type of painful decision, something many relatives with a family member with a drug addiction have had to make to keep their own sanity.
Logged
FaithHopeLove
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Shaky
Posts: 1606
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #19 on:
July 10, 2019, 06:52:10 AM »
Thanks Zachira
That is helpful particularly the part about them learning from their failures. I am coming to accept the fact that he is on his own path and I can't change it. I can only release him to God's care.
Hugs
Faith
Logged
livednlearned
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12866
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #20 on:
July 10, 2019, 08:23:22 AM »
Quote from: FaithHopeLove on July 10, 2019, 06:52:10 AM
I am coming to accept the fact that he is on his own path and I can't change it. I can only release him to God's care.
That is probably the most profound and painful truth we learn as parents.
I pray for him and your family, FHLKC.
Logged
Breathe.
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 834
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #21 on:
July 10, 2019, 10:13:56 AM »
Thank you Wendy .
Zachira- thank you for the information.
True words, Faith and Liveandlearned.
Logged
Elizabeth22
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Posts: 121
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #22 on:
July 11, 2019, 02:02:01 AM »
Faith
I have been keeping up with your story, wondering what I could say. Please know I have been here with you, even tho it was silently, and have been praying for you and your family every night.
oxoxo
Elizabeth22
Logged
FaithHopeLove
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Shaky
Posts: 1606
Re: Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
«
Reply #23 on:
July 11, 2019, 02:59:01 AM »
Thank you Elizabeth.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Preparing to face the possibility that my son will die
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...