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Author Topic: After our breakup i will be obligated to see her everyday  (Read 782 times)
noideaforname
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 58


« on: January 14, 2017, 10:49:13 PM »

We take the same classes at university.
we have been friends for one year and had a 4 month r/s.
She knows she has BPD and goes to therapy and takes medicine as well.
But i don't how it would be since at the same time she talks to me like im somebody she remembers but not a lot... .sometimes she is jealous of situations even after the break up... .

Anybody had something similar happening? Should i just ignore her on classes?
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Mutt
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Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
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« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2017, 12:09:02 AM »

What do you feel like doing?
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noideaforname
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« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2017, 07:01:02 AM »

Since i am with a lot of anger towards her right now... .my desire is to never even look at her face.
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FSTL
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2017, 07:37:41 AM »

As one earlier post said... .what do you want to do?

A word of caution, though, as (based on my experience) you are in the danger zone for a recycle. I work with my BPDx and the proximity meant we always saw each other which no doubt contributed to us being together for so long, despite the many breakups.

You need to search deep inside and work out what you want. If you can let your anger drive you to change arrangements so you don't see her, then I would do that and go NC.

If you can't do that, then you need to be mentally strong and also avoid being manipulative (another pitfall). Just be polite if you she her and steer any conversations toward a conclusion so you're not leaving open the possibility of starting again. Be boring in front of her and don't get sucked into serving her needs in any form. BPD's always come back - so just be wary.
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noideaforname
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Posts: 58


« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2017, 08:09:14 AM »

everything i read on this tell me that she will come after me and all. but thats not easy for me to believe since i never saw her so rational and making really good points about not being together.
i think im still "in it" so i just can't see the big picture.
she made me feel bad for the days i wouldn't give her attention... .and i must admit those days were true...
for me its feeling like a normal break up like others i had with "nons".
The only difference is that her reactions are like if i never existed. And that during the r/s i was like a god for her.
But yeah... .i guess nobody can predict actions from nobody... .i think i will go with the waves... .if she doesn't talk to me i will not talk to her.
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FSTL
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« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2017, 08:21:00 AM »

Treating your like a God and then painting you black (and treating your badly) after you break up isn't unusual. It's a defence mechanism (look up "splitting" so they can fell like you're the bad guy and they're better off without you. But even nons do this. BPDs are just more extreme and can just as easily flip back to acting like you are great. They only do all good or all bad as they can't regulate their feelings.

Going with the waves is ok, except it leaves you subject to her whims. What about making your own choice her and cutting her off? If she comes back to you, you have options, but you make the choice, not her. And believe me, you do not want someone with a mental illness making decisions for you.
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Mutt
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« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2017, 09:50:30 AM »

Excerpt
But yeah... .i guess nobody can predict actions from nobody... .i think i will go with the waves... .if she doesn't talk to me i will not talk to her.

I was going to suggest that if you're left with no choice but to have to say something, i'd be dull and boring, act indifferent, don't share anything about your personal life. Another option if the situation warrants it would be BIFF, I have kids with my ex wife and BIFF ( Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm ) makes me a small target, it's virtually impossible for her to latch on to something that I said and create drama or conflict.
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