frequently fearful

[bpd mother 51]

Hello, I have a 20 yr old daughter newly diagnosed with borderline. I just realized that my husband has borderline. I did not know what it was. They have pretty distorted views, and rages. Anyway, others in my life say I look tired. Really I am fearful a lot. I can't seem to relax which is unusual for me. I feel tided up in knots. They trigger each other a lot. My husband's symptoms have become worse since my daughter developed her symptoms. I am so fearful about loosing my daughter or her dying, and loosing my marriage of 25 years. Anything can set them off. I feel sore all over. I must be holding myself so tensely. What do I do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello BPD mother 51,

I'm so glad you found us!  Living with 2 people with BPD and traits of BPD is so very stressful, confusing, and tiring.  Finding a way towards a peaceful place for ourselves is a must for our own sanity.  We have lots of skills for self preservation as well as skills to help the ones we love suffering from this disorder.

Do you often attempt to intervene between your husband and daughter and find yourself in a triangle of no win situations?

Maybe this information can help you understand the dynamics and how to change outcomes:

Know Good vs Bad Triangulation

https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/08.htm

Has your daughter made suicidal gestures or threats in the past?  Has she been in therapy in the past or currently?

I look forward to your response and helping anyway that I am able.

lbjnltx

[thefixermom]

Hi BPD Mother,  thinking of you and hope you post again.  There is a lot of help here and if nothing else, it's a safe place for venting, which can go a long ways toward loosening the pent up tensions.