Insecurities

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I don't know if this is a common theme with BPD, but my ex gf HAD to verbalize every single insecurity she had. This was something that really started to wear on me over time. I'd initially always try and reassure her the best I could, but after hearing over and over about all of the body hair she had to get removed, how much she hates her ears, how her head is an odd shape, how she has cellulite, how she hates her body, etc., etc. it became hard to not start seeing the faults that she kept hammering into my head. And I feel terrible that I was affected by it, by my god, how much of that is a person supposed to be able to take? I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on, and I still thought she was beautiful, but that stuff still got to me. It's like on some level she was TRYING to make me less attracted to her. Men, just like women, are attracted to confidence. And, over the course of our relationship, I became more confident and comfortable around her. But, she just kept being insecure.

[mtmc01]

I don't know if this is a common theme with BPD, but my ex gf HAD to verbalize every single insecurity she had. This was something that really started to wear on me over time. I'd initially always try and reassure her the best I could, but after hearing over and over about all of the body hair she had to get removed, how much she hates her ears, how her head is an odd shape, how she has cellulite, how she hates her body, etc., etc. it became hard to not start seeing the faults that she kept hammering into my head. And I feel terrible that I was affected by it, by my god, how much of that is a person supposed to be able to take? I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on, and I still thought she was beautiful, but that stuff still got to me. It's like on some level she was TRYING to make me less attracted to her. Men, just like women, are attracted to confidence. And, over the course of our relationship, I became more confident and comfortable around her. But, she just kept being insecure.

[VeryFree]

Mine would do that on and off.

First she would point out her weaknesses (that she found, I didn't go there), but some time laer she would argue everybody (including me, who never made remarks!) should take her for who she is.

A day later she would become insecure again and so on.

[GreenMango]

This disorder is characterized by a fear of abandonment and rejection.  Part of the abandoned child schema that defines the thinking of a person with BPD or BPD traits are things like:

I will always be alone.

Everyone leaves me eventually.

Im impossible to love.

Everyone eventually hurts or betrays me.

It's a script that plagues the persons thoughts, emotions and eventually behavior.  It's a longstanding and pervasive pattern that affects their interpersonal relationships to an extreme.

Unfortunately the fears are stronger than your love.  And its not something you love out of a person.  Your love and commitment gets tested repeatedly until these self fulfilling prophecies come to fruition to prove the thoughts as true or valid.  It's a script. 

We all have a script - its just a person with BPD's is pretty negative.  Imagine believing these thoughts and being riddled with these fears most days.

[paperlung]

Wow, I can totally relate to your post. My ex was super insecure about her appearance and would explain to me specially why all the time. The number one thing she would complain about was her nose. I never thought anything of it, but as she continued to tell me how much she hated it and wanted a nose job, I started to see her nose as one of her flaws as well.

Other things about her she was insecure about:

Teeth/smile

Lips

Ears

Hair

Breasts

Butt

Her V

Stretch marks

Stomach

Eye lids

Chin

Legs

Her side profile