Hey BP, sorry I don't have as much time for this as I'd like...
this really stood out to me:
I don’t think it’s a good idea to announce such things.. I think I just need to do these things
Yes! It IS OK for us to just "do" our boundaries... we don't need to explain them to other people. (Of course each situation is different).
Additionally, pwBPD often struggle with "the rules are the same for you and me", or "if it is OK for me to do, it is OK for you to do" type scenarios. Using logic to try to "have things go our way" or to "justify" our choices to the pwBPD... well, I think you already have an idea how that would go.
It's fine and normal to decide within yourself "I think I will wear clothes that I enjoy today", without having to "justify" it to a loved one by saying "See how you want to take charge of your life? I am too, right now, by wearing what I want".
Sadly, those types of statements often "add fuel to the fire" instead of "letting the fire die out".
So curious to hear how it goes for you to wear what you decide within yourself YOU want to wear!