Hi whitesheep and welcome back. When were you here last? Congrats on your recent wedding! That is wonderful news.
I am sorry your mother excludes you the way she does. That is very hurtful and confusing but it is great that your sister has agreed to keep you informed of the important events.
I get blindsided by the feelings of being excluded and know it is a power play on her part. It is difficult to just take it. There is no discussing this with her... .she would just gaslight and tell me I'm being paranoid. My stepfather was diagnosed with lung cancer and this is one bit of information she purposefully didn't share. She told my sister only who told me. I reclaimed my power by calling him and checking on him, etc. But it still didn't feel good.
Her behavior is hurtful so of course you feel it. I agree there is little point in discussing it with her. My advice is to not let her know how much this hurts you. She may in fact stop doing these things if she thinks she can't touch you with them.
I feel for the most part ok have worked very hard to create my own joy, peace and happiness in my relationships despite her mistreatment. I guess I am looking for support b/c I keep finding this affecting me when i think I'm all set. a couple weekends i didn't get out of bed for a whole weekend, it really knocked me down unexpectedly. I know logically this is "her" but it's hard to be targeted indirectly and insidiously when i'm minding my own business in my own life. She is the queen of silent treatments and emotional cutoffs... .I'm trying to enjoy the silence. Looking for support how to go NC. I used to worry about impact on mine and My sister's relationship. I no longer do. She knows I am the scapegoat and did nothing wrong and says right to me " Mom is really mean to you and I don't get it"
I am sorry you are struggling so hard with this. It is hard and that is why learning to detach and protect our selves emotionally is so important. We can help you if you choose to go no contact but that is a very personal choice that has to come from you. It is wonderful that your sister can support you as well. Don't forget to include us in your support network as well.
I hope you settle in and continue to post about yur feelings and that you feel free to jump into other threads as well, It is amazing how much help we get and how much we learn when we can see others situations.
I am glad you found us and posted.
Take care.