BPD and changing religions over a lifetime.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was wondering if one of the hallmarks BPD in terms of lacking an identity was manifested in changing religions.  My ex  BPDgf has changed from Christianity (United Church of Christ) to Orthodox Judaism to Wicca ocer the course of her life.  Recently she appeared on a local radio show to talk about it and branded herself as a "quester".  I wonder if it's more or less instead related to her BPD as well.  Her father and one brother are pastors.  She was a religious studies major in college and nearly entered divinity school.  She has majour personal issues with her father and often had nitemares about him she would verbally emote before waking up.

A few years into her marriage she decided to convert, not just to Judaism, but the Orthodox denomination and really transformed her identity.  She nearly converted over, and even dated a rabbi, but some personal issues and politics took over in addition to losing two friends who succumbed to illness during that time.  In the end she never converted, but she discontinued her pursuit of Judaism and went into Wicca where she has a pleasant circle of witches to hang out with.  I'm thinking just like with her romantic relationships she idealized the religion she took part in, and when things went awry and the entity become devalued, she did not have the resolve to stay involved.  I surmise that if things go awry with her Wiccan social circle one day, she will abandon the entire religion and find something new.

Do any of you have similar anecdotes or stories about people you know who suffer from BPD?

[Neglecture]

I was wondering if one of the hallmarks BPD in terms of lacking an identity was manifested in changing religions.  My ex  BPDgf has changed from Christianity (United Church of Christ) to Orthodox Judaism to Wicca ocer the course of her life.  Recently she appeared on a local radio show to talk about it and branded herself as a "quester".  I wonder if it's more or less instead related to her BPD as well.  Her father and one brother are pastors.  She was a religious studies major in college and nearly entered divinity school.  She has majour personal issues with her father and often had nitemares about him she would verbally emote before waking up.

A few years into her marriage she decided to convert, not just to Judaism, but the Orthodox denomination and really transformed her identity.  She nearly converted over, and even dated a rabbi, but some personal issues and politics took over in addition to losing two friends who succumbed to illness during that time.  In the end she never converted, but she discontinued her pursuit of Judaism and went into Wicca where she has a pleasant circle of witches to hang out with.  I'm thinking just like with her romantic relationships she idealized the religion she took part in, and when things went awry and the entity become devalued, she did not have the resolve to stay involved.  I surmise that if things go awry with her Wiccan social circle one day, she will abandon the entire religion and find something new.

Do any of you have similar anecdotes or stories about people you know who suffer from BPD?

[patientandclear]

My ex grew up Catholic, was abused by a priest, endured privation at the hands of his fundamentalist Catholic family, and rejected all religion.  I am a soft atheist -- not a big part of my identity -- but we had non-belief in common.  This is one of the very few things we seemed to have in common that I know was not mirroring -- it was a pre-existing and seemingly core belief of his.  He felt so strongly about it that he wanted to leave a concert we were at at a festival when the performer was singing a gospel song mentioning Jesus.

Now he is dating a very pious woman who cannot be with a man who does not "know Christ."  Apparently he has committed to her that he will do this.  And I'm sure he means it (for now) because while he is trying to take the plunge into a new r/s, he is quite sincere, I think.

This blows me away and is one of the best indications I have of his uBPD.  I suspect that when and if things go south for them, this will prove to have been a suppressed source of frustration and anger for him -- that he was willing to sacrifice his beliefs for her and then she (paid too much attention to her friends) (had to work late one week) (showed that she cared as much about her family as about him) and he cannot abide the idea that he was going to give up so much for her when she cared so little.  But that hasn't happened yet.

[ConfusedMichael]

Funnily enough, that was almost the only thing I can remember that my ex was consistent about.  She was fiercely atheist, and had been for her entire life.  It is all the more surprising because many of her other changes and preferences often stemmed from an early hatred of her father, but he himself was very strong in his anti-religious feelings.  She once commented that it was probably the only positive she ever took from being brought up by him.

[colt81522]

Mine was a lifelong atheist lesbian. Now she's studying a mystical branch of Islam called Sufism and is a promiscuous, alcoholic, heterosexual. Go figure!

[RKV]

Not sure if they were related too much with my former romantic partners.

I'm not religious or spiritual in any way; but wouldn't write anyone off as a friend or romantic partner if they have faith or mystic beliefs. It's almost a non-issue for me.

My first ex was raised and was a practicing Protestant when I met him. He mentioned praying & going to church on sundays but it seemed like the "intensity" of his belief would wax and wane but he always identified with that particular faith.

My second ex (a summer fling that turned into a nightmare) fit into the "angry atheist" stereotype but  it seemed like the only reason he had a lack of belief was to avoid feeling rejected or judged by religious people for being gay. What annoyed me is that he automatically assumed anyone that had a modicum of attraction to organized religion was going to pre-judge him. So again, pretty consistent.

My sister (undiagnosed officially but my therapist of nearly a decade suspects she might have BPD)  has basically stated that her beliefs are up to the highest bidder. She'll convert fully to whatever her potential romantic partner is as long as it allows drinking and she can dress up and look pretty at church services. so... .yeah.

[UmbrellaBoy]

Yes, I think changing religions can be a manifestation.

My BPD guy has been multiple religions in his life. He explored Evangelical Christianity as a teen, was a Buddhist and a Gnostic and into the Kabbalah in college, then was Catholic for about 6 or 7 years and it was actually something we bonded over, but he was always on the fence, and now has discovered Nietzsche and is some sort of Nietzschean atheist I think. Oddly, his journey seemed to track our relationship back-and-forth (I wrote about this here</a> which indicates to me even more that the cycling was just part of the identity-instability of BPD.