Anniversary of last straw

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

This is the 2nd anniversary of the week that the devil was no longer going to ruin my life. Two years ago Mother's Day week my (now ex)husband got drunk, ripped my clothes completely off of me in a BPD rage, and tried to drag me up the stairs by my hair to (what I believe was planned) rape me.  I screamed bible verses at him (the devil in him) and he eventually let go of me.  All of this was done within eye shot or ear shot of my two preteen boys.  It was they I knew I had to get out not only for their sake but also for mine.  I had been suffering from stress for so long that my body had turned on itself and I had gained 50 pounds of stress weight.  I decided that night that he was leaving and I was going through with the divorce that I had been preparing the prior year.  He had found out that I had gone to the lawyer and convinced me not to file that we could get help and we could get back to the way things were prior to our wedding day in 2000.  Since he wanted me to take him to a psych hospital in Kansas City, I took him that week.  I knew he wasn't really willing but he had abandonment fears so bad that I jumped at the chance to get him whatever help I could just to get away from him and feel like I had done something constructive for him.  I told them at the hospital that I thought he had all 9 hallmarks of BPD and explained my observations.  They put him in an outpatient program for a week and he stayed at the hotel down the street without me.  I drove 3 hours home the first day of his treatment and, with the help of my office associates, who took the entire day off for me, had the locks changed and moved him out to his own house that I rented for him.  I knew he was going to be furious, but he would not leave as he had displayed a year prior when I insisted that he move out, yet he convinced me to let him live in the garage until he found a place, which he didn't but started love bombing instead. (just for the record) WHEN LOVE BOMBING STOPS... .IT'S OVER.

Hospitals, psychologists, and psychiatrists are useless. They diagnosed him with BiPolar2, PTSD, dysphoric depression, and dystemia. When I asked them about BPD, they told me, "yes, that too but if you had not mentioned it we would not be adding it to his list of diagnosis."  In other words, NO ONE WANTS TO DEAL WITH IT because YOU can't deal with it. THE PATIENT has to deal with it and they won't.  That is what makes it so frustrating. They would have misdiagnosed AND mispharmaceuticalized him.

I could go on for days about his "crazy".   What I want to say to those effected by a SO/Spouse with BPD: use your boundaries.  ALWAYS USE YOUR BOUNDARIES. If I had done so, I would have been free of "crazy" long before I nearly was lost to it. I honestly believe that if I had stayed and done nothing, I would have been murdered.  It truly was that bad and was escalating fast.  He had threated me with a gun on several occasions.

I turned my life completely to boundary useage and Christ for strength. This disorder and sickness IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The best thing you can do for yourself is to realize this up front and repeat it out loud until you actually HEAR YOURSELF.  You and your kids are #1. Take care of you first and walk in the light. I truly believe that this disorder is a demonic spirit and only you can protect you from it. YOU CAN NOT FIX THEM AND PLEASE STOP TRYING. You will always be the bad guy in the story. You will not be the cowboy in the white hat that saves the town.  Get help for you.  Recognize that you didn't cause it and you can't fix it. My mon used to say if something is too hard to do... .it's not supposed to be done.  She was very right. It took seeing her imploding marriage to my dad to wake up and realize I didn't want to live her life in 20 yrs. since I was living it now.

This message board was wonderful for me to gain insight and strength as I was approaching the end. "Stop  Walking On Eggshells" was another wonderful resource as it taught me to be strong and realize BPD is about them, not me.  Thank you BPD Family for helping ME find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am now permanently engaged to a very kind man who is a great step-dad. We will not legally marry until the boys are out of high school so as to not have my fiancé's bank accounts drained as my ex drained mine. (He filed for divorce after asking for a cooling off period before I planned to file. He used the boys to convince me into this arrangement.)  he spent nearly $50,000.00 just to loose the kids and force me into bankruptcy since I had to close my business due to the 1.5 yr long divorce. Then the judge awarded  him nearly $90,0000.00 of my closed business (everything is 50/50 in Missouri) which I will have to pay if the bankruptcy doesn't go through. Now he says I filed my bankruptcy in bad faith and that I am only filing for bankruptcy to screw him out of his money.  I was debt free (but penniless) until the judge finalized the divorce.  Pretty sad when you go from bad to worse... .

Yet, I am loved and adored.  I still have trust issues and nightmares.  But I am safe and cared for.  I am strong, loving, beautiful and healthy.  I lost 30 pounds in 60 days just by not having him around.  I still have 20 pounds to go but a feel so much better!

Thanks again BPD Family for this message board and for the support.

God be praised!

[debytjunt]

This is the 2nd anniversary of the week that the devil was no longer going to ruin my life. Two years ago Mother's Day week my (now ex)husband got drunk, ripped my clothes completely off of me in a BPD rage, and tried to drag me up the stairs by my hair to (what I believe was planned) rape me.  I screamed bible verses at him (the devil in him) and he eventually let go of me.  All of this was done within eye shot or ear shot of my two preteen boys.  It was they I knew I had to get out not only for their sake but also for mine.  I had been suffering from stress for so long that my body had turned on itself and I had gained 50 pounds of stress weight.  I decided that night that he was leaving and I was going through with the divorce that I had been preparing the prior year.  He had found out that I had gone to the lawyer and convinced me not to file that we could get help and we could get back to the way things were prior to our wedding day in 2000.  Since he wanted me to take him to a psych hospital in Kansas City, I took him that week.  I knew he wasn't really willing but he had abandonment fears so bad that I jumped at the chance to get him whatever help I could just to get away from him and feel like I had done something constructive for him.  I told them at the hospital that I thought he had all 9 hallmarks of BPD and explained my observations.  They put him in an outpatient program for a week and he stayed at the hotel down the street without me.  I drove 3 hours home the first day of his treatment and, with the help of my office associates, who took the entire day off for me, had the locks changed and moved him out to his own house that I rented for him.  I knew he was going to be furious, but he would not leave as he had displayed a year prior when I insisted that he move out, yet he convinced me to let him live in the garage until he found a place, which he didn't but started love bombing instead. (just for the record) WHEN LOVE BOMBING STOPS... .IT'S OVER.

Hospitals, psychologists, and psychiatrists are useless. They diagnosed him with BiPolar2, PTSD, dysphoric depression, and dystemia. When I asked them about BPD, they told me, "yes, that too but if you had not mentioned it we would not be adding it to his list of diagnosis."  In other words, NO ONE WANTS TO DEAL WITH IT because YOU can't deal with it. THE PATIENT has to deal with it and they won't.  That is what makes it so frustrating. They would have misdiagnosed AND mispharmaceuticalized him.

I could go on for days about his "crazy".   What I want to say to those effected by a SO/Spouse with BPD: use your boundaries.  ALWAYS USE YOUR BOUNDARIES. If I had done so, I would have been free of "crazy" long before I nearly was lost to it. I honestly believe that if I had stayed and done nothing, I would have been murdered.  It truly was that bad and was escalating fast.  He had threated me with a gun on several occasions.

I turned my life completely to boundary useage and Christ for strength. This disorder and sickness IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The best thing you can do for yourself is to realize this up front and repeat it out loud until you actually HEAR YOURSELF.  You and your kids are #1. Take care of you first and walk in the light. I truly believe that this disorder is a demonic spirit and only you can protect you from it. YOU CAN NOT FIX THEM AND PLEASE STOP TRYING. You will always be the bad guy in the story. You will not be the cowboy in the white hat that saves the town.  Get help for you.  Recognize that you didn't cause it and you can't fix it. My mon used to say if something is too hard to do... .it's not supposed to be done.  She was very right. It took seeing her imploding marriage to my dad to wake up and realize I didn't want to live her life in 20 yrs. since I was living it now.

This message board was wonderful for me to gain insight and strength as I was approaching the end. "Stop  Walking On Eggshells" was another wonderful resource as it taught me to be strong and realize BPD is about them, not me.  Thank you BPD Family for helping ME find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am now permanently engaged to a very kind man who is a great step-dad. We will not legally marry until the boys are out of high school so as to not have my fiancé's bank accounts drained as my ex drained mine. (He filed for divorce after asking for a cooling off period before I planned to file. He used the boys to convince me into this arrangement.)  he spent nearly $50,000.00 just to loose the kids and force me into bankruptcy since I had to close my business due to the 1.5 yr long divorce. Then the judge awarded  him nearly $90,0000.00 of my closed business (everything is 50/50 in Missouri) which I will have to pay if the bankruptcy doesn't go through. Now he says I filed my bankruptcy in bad faith and that I am only filing for bankruptcy to screw him out of his money.  I was debt free (but penniless) until the judge finalized the divorce.  Pretty sad when you go from bad to worse... .

Yet, I am loved and adored.  I still have trust issues and nightmares.  But I am safe and cared for.  I am strong, loving, beautiful and healthy.  I lost 30 pounds in 60 days just by not having him around.  I still have 20 pounds to go but a feel so much better!

Thanks again BPD Family for this message board and for the support.

God be praised!

[Sparky5]

Welcome and let me just say
You.Are.Awesome!