Cryptic messages?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

In the weeks preceding catching my exBPDgf lying and cheating she made several comments that at the time I didn't understand their meaning. Comments such as ... .

1. There has always been someone that has told me that everything is going to be alright? When asked who that person was, she wouldn't tell me but I knew it wasn't me because she pushed me away every time I tried to get close.

2. They say misery loves company but that doesn't apply to me. I don't drag people I care about into my misery.

Was that her explanation of why she wouldn't ley me get close during times of stress?

3. When you go looking for trouble you may just find it.

Was this her way of telling me I better not follow any gut instincts? I am sure because I did finally did follow my gut instinct is the reason she is trying to punish and torture me now.

These comments make me believe that their manipulative behavior, while impulsive when they emotionally dysregulate, are week thought out and calculating based on how well they know you and your previous responses/reactions.

[uncrx]

In the weeks preceding catching my exBPDgf lying and cheating she made several comments that at the time I didn't understand their meaning. Comments such as ... .

1. There has always been someone that has told me that everything is going to be alright? When asked who that person was, she wouldn't tell me but I knew it wasn't me because she pushed me away every time I tried to get close.

2. They say misery loves company but that doesn't apply to me. I don't drag people I care about into my misery.

Was that her explanation of why she wouldn't ley me get close during times of stress?

3. When you go looking for trouble you may just find it.

Was this her way of telling me I better not follow any gut instincts? I am sure because I did finally did follow my gut instinct is the reason she is trying to punish and torture me now.

These comments make me believe that their manipulative behavior, while impulsive when they emotionally dysregulate, are week thought out and calculating based on how well they know you and your previous responses/reactions.

[Mutt]

Hi uncrx,

It's difficult to understand the logic of a distorted belief system. Many of us speculate as to what the interpretations of the actions and meanings of words from a loved one with a mental illness are I'm sorry but these statements are bizarre.

1)  

2) She's telegraphing that she feels miserable.

3) She's telling you she's trouble.

These comments make me believe that their manipulative behavior, while impulsive when they emotionally dysregulate, are week thought out and calculating based on how well they know you and your previous responses/reactions.

I can't clearly tell if she's dissociating, emotionally blackmailing, projecting. There's some semblance of these behaviors.

I'm sorry but I don't understand this and it's enough to get the spider-senses tingling. She's trouble.

[In Pain]

We as "healthy" individuals, are now looking for the signs we missed the first time around.

Now I know why she identified with Marilyn Monroe so strongly.

There is a poster in her apartment of Marilyn, with Marilyn saying:

If you can't accept me at my worse... .You don't deserve me at my best ".

Marilyn Monroe... .BPD

This is something I was willing to do, but I didn't have the knowledge or the tools yet.

Elton John's song about Princess Diana.

And it seems to me

you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

Princess Diana... .BPD

Mine also had a Buddha on her patio. Maybe a connection to DBT training ?

Sometimes it's like reading your horoscope. You make it fit what you what to see.

And sometimes... .They just mean nothing at all.

[Turkish]

In the weeks preceding catching my exBPDgf lying and cheating she made several comments that at the time I didn't understand their meaning. Comments such as ... .

1. There has always been someone that has told me that everything is going to be alright?

I think this is a way of asking you to be that person, with the implication being that you failed (join the club 

[Turkish]

We as "healthy" individuals, are now looking for the signs we missed the first time around.

Now I know why she identified with Marilyn Monroe so strongly.

There is a poster in her apartment of Marilyn, with Marilyn saying:

If you can't accept me at my worse... .You don't deserve me at my best ".

Marilyn Monroe... .BPD

This is something I was willing to do, but I didn't have the knowledge or the tools yet.

Elton John's song about Princess Diana.

And it seems to me

you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

Princess Diana... .BPD

He rededicated that song to Princess Di? It was originally written for MM.

Both ladies have been "diagnosed" after their lives as being BPD. When I see the meme which you quote, I cringe. It's basically celebrating traits of mental illness.

[uncrx]

In the weeks preceding catching my exBPDgf lying and cheating she made several comments that at the time I didn't understand their meaning. Comments such as ... .

1. There has always been someone that has told me that everything is going to be alright?

I think this is a way of asking you to be that person, with the implication being that you failed (join the club 

That was a no win situation ... .Every time I tried to get close and show support and assurance, she would push me away. The only difference was that this time rather than struggle to get close I told her that I could and would not attempt to read her mind and would give her space. Definitely not her expected response or reaction and without the drama.

[Springle]

We as "healthy" individuals, are now looking for the signs we missed the first time around.

Now I know why she identified with Marilyn Monroe so strongly.

There is a poster in her apartment of Marilyn, with Marilyn saying:

If you can't accept me at my worse... .You don't deserve me at my best ".

Marilyn Monroe... .BPD

This is something I was willing to do, but I didn't have the knowledge or the tools yet.

Elton John's song about Princess Diana.

And it seems to me

you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

Princess Diana... .BPD

He rededicated that song to Princess Di? It was originally written for MM.

Both ladies have been "diagnosed" after their lives as being BPD. When I see the meme which you quote, I cringe. It's basically celebrating traits of mental illness.

I find it weird and a little unnerving that both those women are so celebrated when, quite honestly, if they were anything like the pwBPD we know, then they were exceptionally damaging. I mean, yes Di did loads of aid and charity and that was wonderful but when you think she was likely going home after all that and psychologically and emotionally abusing her friends and family... .it kind of doesn't make up you know.

I am extremely ashamed to say I have used that Marilyn Monroe quote in an argument before, I did not realise it was a quote from her but all the same I now look back and see what a messed up thing it is to say and live up to.

[Mr Hollande]

A popular joke in the UK about Lady Di a few years back:

Q - What's the difference between Lady Di and her memorial park?

A - Nothing. They are both really shallow and break down all the time.

[Lucky Jim]

That was a no win situation ... .Every time I tried to get close and show support and assurance, she would push me away.

Hey uncrx, that's a pretty good description of the pushme-pullyou aspect of being in a r/s with a pwBPD.  It's a lose/lose proposition, as you note, which is tough to sustain.  Lucky Jim

[Waifed]

We as "healthy" individuals, are now looking for the signs we missed the first time around.

Now I know why she identified with Marilyn Monroe so strongly.

There is a poster in her apartment of Marilyn, with Marilyn saying:

If you can't accept me at my worse... .You don't deserve me at my best ".

Marilyn Monroe... .BPD

This is something I was willing to do, but I didn't have the knowledge or the tools yet.

Elton John's song about Princess Diana.

And it seems to me

you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

Princess Diana... .BPD

He rededicated that song to Princess Di? It was originally written for MM.

Both ladies have been "diagnosed" after their lives as being BPD. When I see the meme which you quote, I cringe. It's basically celebrating traits of mental illness.

Ironically he did after she died... .

[Mutt]

Hi uncrx,

It's tough deciphering a mental illness. I think of Churchill's quote on Russia.

It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

It means it's a difficult puzzle.

It's difficult to think disordered when you're not. I hope that helps.


--Mutt

[fred6]

Hi uncrx,

It's difficult to understand the logic of a distorted belief system. Many of us speculate as to what the interpretations of the actions and meanings of words from a loved one with a mental illness are I'm sorry but these statements are bizarre.

1)  

I always tried to comfort my ex and tell her that things would be OK. It never helped. In one ear and out the other. Any advice that I gave her and she would argue about why my advice wouldn't work. Then if I kept arguing with her, she would say, "That's why I don't like telling you anything". Then stomp away like a school girl on her first period... .

2) She's telegraphing that she feels miserable.

My ex used to do this also. She always told me that anytime we went to visit any of her family or friends, that I just sat there and looked miserable and that everyone asked her what was wrong with me.  Also that I stayed home all the time being miserable. I was like What the heck? I'm an introvert, I'm kind of quiet. And I stay home a lot because that's where I want to be. She always tried to decide how I felt. Was she really projecting how she felt?

3) She's telling you she's trouble.

So I guess that when we she said, "I'm crazy, but a good kind of crazy" and "I'm a b___, don't ever piss me off". That was her way of telling me that she's trouble, .

[Mutt]

So I guess that when we she said, "I'm crazy, but a good kind of crazy" and "I'm a b___, don't ever piss me off". That was her way of telling me that she's trouble, .

My ex used to talk about one of her bf's. The only bf that I don't think she ever had anything bad to say about. She had worked with her bf in a food business his dad owned.

Over the years she told me stories about both, working with them etc. She said all sorts of things about the dad (ran an escort service, drug distributor) At the time I believed it. Now I don't. She's distorting. The dad was split black.

She said something close to what your ex said. It was right out of the blue. I thought it was a strange and curious thing to say.

"Bf's dad said I'm a b***h"

I'll never forget that.

Maybe she was trying to tell me something.

[going places]

In the weeks preceding catching my exBPDgf lying and cheating she made several comments that at the time I didn't understand their meaning. Comments such as ... .

1. There has always been someone that has told me that everything is going to be alright?

Baiting you to beg, baiting you into a fight, baiting you to ______

Baiting.

2. They say misery loves company but that doesn't apply to me. I don't drag people I care about into my misery.

Baiting you to ask if she cared about you (because you were miserable). Baiting you to converse so she can go off or hear her own voice.

Baiting.

3. When you go looking for trouble you may just find it.

Baiting you to get involved in a verbal altercation. Baiting you to get angry.

Baiting.

These comments make me believe that their manipulative behavior, while impulsive when they emotionally dysregulate, are week thought out and calculating based on how well they know you and your previous responses/reactions.

Manipulation at its finest.

Don't read too much into what she says.

It's all to bait you, and keep you on the hook... .keep you as plan B

[Mr Hollande]

"Bf's dad said I'm a b***h"

No doubt daddy saw right through her. No doubt she didn't like that so daddy got split black.

[Mutt]

"Bf's dad said I'm a b***h"

No doubt daddy saw right through her. No doubt she didn't like that so daddy got split black.

You're right Mr Hollande and it should of raised a  

[Blimblam]

What I think it comes down to is she has a need to be Abandoned cold heartedly so se can try to win back you telling her it's going to be alright. When she hits a certain point in the relationship if you are too willing to be that person after she behaves badly she loses respect and she abuses the so as if they are her own abandoned child. If you don't abuse her she will abuse you and you will get hurt.

Being used and abandoned is what's familiar if you don't provide that ur screwed.

[FoolishMan]

We as "healthy" individuals, are now looking for the signs we missed the first time around.

Now I know why she identified with Marilyn Monroe so strongly.

There is a poster in her apartment of Marilyn, with Marilyn saying:

If you can't accept me at my worse... .You don't deserve me at my best ".

Marilyn Monroe... .BPD

This is something I was willing to do, but I didn't have the knowledge or the tools yet.

Elton John's song about Princess Diana.

And it seems to me

you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

Princess Diana... .BPD

Mine also had a Buddha on her patio. Maybe a connection to DBT training ?

Sometimes it's like reading your horoscope. You make it fit what you what to see.

And sometimes... .They just mean nothing at all.

My ex loved Marilyn too and had the same picture, that she actually painted with that quote.

[uncrx]

Interesting thing is that I truly don't believe my exBPDgf ever intended to end our relationship. Her intent was to regain the control that she felt I took from her and to punish me for not responding/reacting to her manipulative tactics as before.

I was never supposed to find out about the other relationship and I am sure he never knew about our relationship. Once she was caught, she had to rethink her game plan using the cards she had been dealt. I do not believe she has given up and expect to one day see or hear from her although her goal is for me to break NC.

I don't know how many of you have read and/or seen the movie Gone Girl but I highly recommend it. It was so crazy scary to see how this borderline female's mind worked to meet her needs. Also made me wonder how I could have not seen this happening in my own relationship. I am so glad that it ended the way it did ... .more shame for her to live with, me in control and losing nothing because the person I loved never truly existed.

[Pieter2]

Interesting thing is that I truly don't believe my exBPDgf ever intended to end our relationship. Her intent was to regain the control that she felt I took from her and to punish me for not responding/reacting to her manipulative tactics as before.

I was never supposed to find out about the other relationship and I am sure he never knew about our relationship. Once she was caught, she had to rethink her game plan using the cards she had been dealt. I do not believe she has given up and expect to one day see or hear from her although her goal is for me to break NC.

I don't know how many of you have read and/or seen the movie Gone Girl but I highly recommend it. It was so crazy scary to see how this borderline female's mind worked to meet her needs. Also made me wonder how I could have not seen this happening in my own relationship. I am so glad that it ended the way it did ... .more shame for her to live with, me in control and losing nothing because the person I loved never truly existed.

Absolutely - Mine did the same. Did not understand when it ended that I wouldn't recycle or talk to her. Contacted my family and asked them why I won't speak to her. So she also did not want to end the relationship. She wanted to regain control by threatening break-up. What a pity for her that I called her out and left. She never got that control back and I never spoke to her again. Abandonment served... .