The closure I sought was found on this board. I said in another post that, the hardest part for me was not knowing if my relationship problems could be resolved. Once it became clear that I wasn't dealing with a rational person (something I already knew in my heart) it was much easier for me t move forward.
Agreed. The ambiguity during the r/s, not knowing what I should do, constant anxiety, panic attacks, finally making a decision then wondering if it was the right one. So exhausting. About a month after the break up, numbness finally left and I was then deep in despair and grief, crying all the time, wondering if I could have tried harder, got us more counselling, etc. I was so scared that I had made a mistake and lost the love of my life because I gave up on us... .Then I found this board and it has helped so much in coming to terms with my decision and also knowing that I have a chance to truly heal these deep wounds that I have, not just from him but from my childhood (shoved so far away I didn't even realise they were there but this r/s has brought them to the surface). That is giving me some closure although I have a long way to go.
I imagine that closure is a much different process depending on who ended the r/s, the pwBPD or the non.