Tired and wanting my life back

[kittykay]

A few weeks ago things were so good between my pwBPD and me. Something shifted and since then it's been very tense. That's at least two weeks now.

I've slowly started to detach and live my own life again. But we moved to a new place together because of his job. It's a tiny village and it's not so easy to meet people here. Plus I'm so tired because of all the tension that I have a hard time getting myself out sometimes. And also, I'm unsure whether he'll actually keep his job, lately he's been showing signs of wanting to quit... So we might not even stay here... (this is not home for me, I lived most my life in Switzerland and am now living in the Netherlands)

Last weekend we went to my sister's wedding together. It was fun seeing so many old friends again. I did have a bit of a sadness dip at the wedding, may have been a bit tipsy, and my partner took it super personally, sat there with angry folded arms for the rest of the evening. I feel so sad and lonely and isolated. I can't talk to family or friends about it, I don't want to complain, most people would not understand and people gossip far too much anyway for me to be able to trust that the information would be safe with them. And I can't talk to my partner about it either, any time I tell him how I feel he gets upset.

I'm so tired of the up and down, push and pull. I'd like to just live my life again. Right now I'm very conflicted about whether to continue the relationship. I feel like it's draining me to keep going and getting in the way of the things I need and want to do to get my life on track. I just don't have the energy or the headspace for a lot of things. And I kind of need energy to find a place to live and to look for a job...

Just needed to reach out, thanks for reading.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ColdKnight]

Keep reaching out. It helps others as well. We here and we are listening.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey kk, What would you like to see happen?  I'm unsure from your post.  What are your gut feelings about your r/s with your pwBPD?

A few weeks ago things were so good between my pwBPD and me. Something shifted and since then it's been very tense.

A BPD r/s is up and down.  Just the way it is.  The upside can feel great, yet the downside is usually on the horizon.

LuckyJim