What is the strategy when it comes to this? I fear in my current situation, it is too late, but what would have been the optimal way to proceed?
Be deliberate about expressing affection or "disaffection" for her... .or a situation that she is describing.
Note: This also has the ability to smooth out "push/pull"...
So... .example of deliberate.
"are you asking me to express my feelings about xyz?" If you get anything other than a clear yes... .there is something else afoot and be doubly cautious about expressing your feelings in an uninvited manner.
So... let's assume you get the green light.
She has said something negative and your opinion is negative as well. Then you should say it with less harshness... .closer to neutral. You get to be honest, aren't invalidating (try to convince her of goodness) and you are helping smooth things out.
Personal story: I did a lot of damage to my r/s by "proving" or "invalidating" my wife by proving I was not a cheater. Very hard to resist proving innocence, especially when there is clear cut evidence (such as me being in another location).
Remember, it's not about the truth... .it's about her feelings and helping to calm them. Or better yet... .letting her calm them without outside interference. .
Once I stopped invalidating, my r/s has gotten much better. So I would resist thinking it is too far gone.
It's never too late to start being a healthier relationship partner.FF