Boyfriend totally enables, makes things a million times worse...

[Parents! Get help here!]

Does anyone here have an adult BPD child who has an enabling partner? It is soo frustrating. I do not think there is anything that my daughter could do to get a reaction from her boyfriend. He babies her, sometime he even talks to her like a baby. She says jump, he says, "how high, how, long, how far... .He literally hovers around her just in case there may be a reason to wait on her. He believes anything that she tells him, no matter how far fetched it may be. I have seen her be absolutely rotten to him on more than one occasion. Doesn't matter, he will beg her forgiveness to get back in her good graces. I get that he lives in the same fear that we all do when dealing with this personality disorder, but he is only hurting her in the long run. He will go so far as to spoon feed her... . There is no talking to him about it because she convinces him that we are out to get her... .

[Kiminski]

Does anyone here have an adult BPD child who has an enabling partner? It is soo frustrating. I do not think there is anything that my daughter could do to get a reaction from her boyfriend. He babies her, sometime he even talks to her like a baby. She says jump, he says, "how high, how, long, how far... .He literally hovers around her just in case there may be a reason to wait on her. He believes anything that she tells him, no matter how far fetched it may be. I have seen her be absolutely rotten to him on more than one occasion. Doesn't matter, he will beg her forgiveness to get back in her good graces. I get that he lives in the same fear that we all do when dealing with this personality disorder, but he is only hurting her in the long run. He will go so far as to spoon feed her... . There is no talking to him about it because she convinces him that we are out to get her... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Does anyone here have an adult BPD child who has an enabling partner? It is soo frustrating. I do not think there is anything that my daughter could do to get a reaction from her boyfriend. He babies her, sometime he even talks to her like a baby. She says jump, he says, "how high, how, long, how far... .He literally hovers around her just in case there may be a reason to wait on her. He believes anything that she tells him, no matter how far fetched it may be. I have seen her be absolutely rotten to him on more than one occasion. Doesn't matter, he will beg her forgiveness to get back in her good graces. I get that he lives in the same fear that we all do when dealing with this personality disorder, but he is only hurting her in the long run. He will go so far as to spoon feed her... . There is no talking to him about it because she convinces him that we are out to get her... .

Hi Kiminski 

I feel your frustration, he's holding your daughter back, she's got him. I've no personal experience myself. He sounds co-dependant. Is this the first relationship your daughter has had?

The hard thing is standing back and let it unfold, can you do that?

WDx

[Kiminski]

No, she has been in several relationships since she was a teenager. She currently has two children by two different fathers. She has never been able to maintain a relationship for more than a few months... .until this one. Co-dependent is an understatement. If she told him to walk 20 miles barefoot in the snow because she wanted an ice cream, his reply would be, "Of course my love, what flavor?" and off he would go! It is so hard because with him, she feels validated no matter what she does or says. He will not go against her on anything, even to defend himself and- she knows it. It is the worst possible combination of personalities. I am to the point where I could just let them be on their way and step back for my own sanity. Unfortunately her kids live on the outside of their love/hate bubble and I cant' turn my back on them, even if it often feels like there is nothing I can do to help.