EXBPD BF is engaged

[stacma04]

So, towards the end of May after breaking NC for 7 months I idiotically went back to my ex. We got back together  for about two weeks, then he breaks up with me June 8th, and goes back to the girl he broke up with and is now engaged to be married. I've changed my phone number, blocked his email, and blocked him on facebook. Mind you he went and got engaged to this girl, after him and I were looking at engagement rings , wedding venue etc... .and talking about getting married next year June. We were also in the process of booking our vacation in July.   What if I'd had book that trip? I would have ended up going on a 7 day cruise by myself, or losing that money. Then he breaks up with me via text, told me to move on with my life because he can never commit to me. Really? After two years of me, putting up with the breaking up, getting back together nonsense.

I guess now that he's engaged to be married I can relax as I'm sure he has moved on, and he is

quite content and happy. This to me feels like the finale of our "relationship" which is a good thing. But I cant help but feel hurt from the finale punch in the stomach that he would get married, after knowing how much I so wanted to marry him. Its almost like he's doing it out of spite to hurt me, for whatever reason. I just don't understand how one month you could be saying you love me, then one month later your engaged to the ex that you broke up with to comeback to me. I smh just thinking about it. I mean seriously What the heck? is that normal?

I guess I'm just trying to understand if its a normal behavior for someone to break up with their current GF to get back with ex, then break up with ex to get back with the previous person you broke up with to then get engaged... .is this normal? Its not the first time he's done this, but its the first time he'a actually gotten to someone, perhaps he finally found the one he's been looking for.

Has anyone else experienced this, your EX getting married after breaking up with you and how did it work out?

[Pretty Woman]

Stac,

 First off   and I know how you feel. When my ex left a few months ago I was just out 2K for a huge birthday I had thrown for her and then to top it off we were set to go to Mexico (thank GOD as guests at a 10K villa). Still, I had to go alone and incured other expenses as she was no longer going.

The worst part was while in Mexico my friends were blowing up my phone with "Wait, you are in Montreal? What happened to Mexico"? Come to find out while I am in Mexico my ex is posting on FB (three weeks after our breakup) how happy she is her girlfriend is returning from Montreal this weekend.



She didn't even have time to change her FB status from "In a relationship" to "single" to "In a relationship" again. I had to explain to all these people I was not the girlfriend anymore and not the one she was referring to. It was quite humorous. A lot of our mutual friends unfriended her they were so appalled.

You write: I guess now that he's engaged to be married I can relax as I'm sure he has moved on, and he is

quite content and happy.

Stac, he is not happy and content. He is fulfilling a NEED. This is immediate gratification. You think being engaged means he is committed and happy? Please. No way in H E L L, especially after you replayed the back and forth scenerio between you and his now fiance. Chaos makes them feel ALIVE. Stability and normality is boring. He can do it for awhile... .and then the mask starts to slip again... .

The fact he left you, went to this girl, came back and left again... .

all that shows is none of you have strong boundaries. He sees this. He can come and go as he pleases. You are doing the right thing changing your number and not breaking NC. You are erecting a boundary. Stick to it, sister  

I am almost certain he will try to contact you again. Give it a few months. All the stressors of planning a wedding, all the triggers. Some people are just better co-dependants.  They may stay together longer/shorter but one thing is always constant: The BPD destroys the relationship. It is never a true SUCCESS. They all fail. Even people who stay in marriages with these people, if you read enough stories they are miserable and depressed. I don't consider that success. Do you?

My ex was married.  It lasted a year and was fraught with conflict. Her husband tried to kill himself while with her (I can sympathize). Read below. THIS is her pattern. Does it sound like she ended up "happy"? No. She has continued to ruin lives and break hearts. She has dated 15 people after this. She was married at 22 and is now 43. That's a lot of people. She has recycled almost all of them (except the ones who dumped her) several times. Hopefully this story helps you. Unless he is actively in treatment and sticks to it... .things and even patterns WONT change.

My ex's only marriage:

My ex got pregnant by a married man at 22. Her parents did not support her and she went to live in a church with other troubled youth. While pregnant she met a guy who liked her, named *Mike. He wanted her to keep the baby and they raise it together. She wanted to give the baby up (thankfully she did).

She ends up leaving Mike and going back to the married man. One day, while the married man is at work, she goes to his house and meets his wife. He comes home from work and she is sitting on the couch sipping tea with his wife. She then coldly tells this woman she is carrying her husband's baby.


She effectively breaks up the marriage of married man and his wife. Now married man wants HER. She convinces him she will stay but does not want the baby. Gets him to sign over parental rights... .dumps him and goes back to Mike.


Marries Mike. Gets pregnant  BY Mike and aborts the baby out of spite.  Then she push-pulls leaves him throughout their marriage.

Mike eventually cheats on her (he has been cheated on pretty much their whole relationship) and gets his boss pregnant.

My ex leaves Mike and starts dating women. Mike ends up marrying his boss. They are now divorced.

Funny thing is this... .my ex declares she is a lesbian yet she still stalks her ex husbands FB. She calls him a loser and says he "really let himself go". She has 0 compassion for this person.

When I re-read her story with him all I see is this young kid who cared about my ex and wanted to be a "stand up guy". That's a HUGE honorable thing for someone of 22yo. He was willing at 22 to take care of a baby that wasn't his.  She put him through a meat grinder. She emotionally devestated and destroyed him. Then when he tries to end his life she calls him a selfish, piece of crap loser.

Evil. That's all I can say.

[stacma04]

Thank You Pretty Woman for responding.

You are absolutely right, I had no boundaries with this man for the past two years. I really feel that now i'm in a better place that I was able to actually have the courage to change my # and block my email etc. As far as him contacting me, not sure if he would or not, at this point it really doesn't matter if he does, I'm over it and see that he will never change. I need to focus on myself. And if he does get married, all I can do is wish him and his new wife well from a very very far distance. I will refuse to ever break NC again

[Pretty Woman]

Stac,

And if he doesn't return don't start wondering if he is happy or doesn't have BPD... .

sometimes they can sense returning to you is useless once you are stronger and have those boundaries, so they move on to other supply.

I am finally realizing it's all gonna be ok. This is someone elses problem now. I can move on and find someone who treats me like gold.

You will too... .I just know it!

[saintgrey]

I can understand your pain, when my ex found someone else during our time off and i spoke to them (they called me together) she basically said she was going to do everything we spoke about all this years, have a family etc

It hurt me a lot that in end she decide not to have kids but all of the sudden she was looking to get pregnant with someone that she barely knew.

Reading a lot here and talking with close friends helped me to move just a bit forward, writing about my experiences has helped me too.