My daughter wants to change her name

[Parents! Get help here!]

Has anyone heard of this, my dd changed her name about 3 years ago, but because she was under 18 she couldnt do it officially, she just changed it and told all the doctors to call her Ezra  but they refused, after about three months she changed it back to her real name. Oh yeah, and before we knew she had BPD she was about 12 she changed her name to Roxey, then after about a year someone told her that was a prostitutes name and she was embarrassed and went back to original name.

People used to ask me if I was Roxeys mum, and I didnt know what they were talking about.

Anyway, now she has her Xs surname, and that hurts, why would she want to be part of that anymore after hes been so horrible.

She told me she wants to change her name by law. She asked me for a cheque so she could pay for it its only £12. She wants to change her first and last name. Oh gosh.

Is it identity thing do you think.

I asked her and she said she has a lot of bad memories linked to her name because she was cry baby dd all her life. I tried to explain that actually she had a very lovely upbringing and life, etc, she agreed but she is in a hurry to change it. I wont give her a cheque. But she has just rang me again. She is in such a hurry to do it too.

Should I care, should I try to stop her? Probably not. Whats the point anyway.

[heronbird]

Has anyone heard of this, my dd changed her name about 3 years ago, but because she was under 18 she couldnt do it officially, she just changed it and told all the doctors to call her Ezra  but they refused, after about three months she changed it back to her real name. Oh yeah, and before we knew she had BPD she was about 12 she changed her name to Roxey, then after about a year someone told her that was a prostitutes name and she was embarrassed and went back to original name.

People used to ask me if I was Roxeys mum, and I didnt know what they were talking about.

Anyway, now she has her Xs surname, and that hurts, why would she want to be part of that anymore after hes been so horrible.

She told me she wants to change her name by law. She asked me for a cheque so she could pay for it its only £12. She wants to change her first and last name. Oh gosh.

Is it identity thing do you think.

I asked her and she said she has a lot of bad memories linked to her name because she was cry baby dd all her life. I tried to explain that actually she had a very lovely upbringing and life, etc, she agreed but she is in a hurry to change it. I wont give her a cheque. But she has just rang me again. She is in such a hurry to do it too.

Should I care, should I try to stop her? Probably not. Whats the point anyway.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[six]

You know, heron, I think this is one of those things that falls into the category of, if its not dangerous, why not be supportive? Others have shared about their children getting tattoos, piercings and doing other types of destruction to their bodies to get attention and be "different"  perhaps changing her name is a mild and relatively harmless version of this.

it doesn't meant that you have to pay for it or encourage it, but what if you took the approach of, "Wow, I see that it really means a lot to you to have a different name than the one that you grew up with.  Maybe this will help you get a new start in a new direction." 

it might seem silly but i think it is an opportunity for you to be supportive of her desire for a change. 

[heronbird]

Shes just rang me again now because we cant find the cheque book she wants me to lend her the money. whys she dragging me into this,when I said no and that I dont agree with it. She was cross, she said Im over 18 now not a little kid. I said well you should pay for it then.

She gets money in a few days but she cant wait.

[heronbird]

Six, she has all the tattoos and most of them not professional done by her X. So messy. piercings too. She does it all, she has to be stereotypical BPD 

[lovesjazz]

A red flag would go up for me... .is she running away from something... .with the law? Why the urgency? I would be hesitant to pay for it.

[heronbird]

No, she says its to do with her real name reminds her of the sad person who is ill and she is no longer that person.

[js friend]

Heron,

My dd is always changing her name or wants to refered to as something else. a few years ago after falling out with her dad she dropped his lastname and began to use my maiden name... .and then when she would fall out with me she would go back to his lastname. Recently she has began to use the name of an old school friend. she used to do that kind of thing before when she would be speaking to a new boy so maybe there is a new one on the horizon.

I wouldnt let it bother you.I wouldnt give her the money for it either.Let her work that one out herself.

If you dd wants to change her name i would just go along with it but downplay it.Your dd is and adult now so we have to go along with their decisions. So you could show an interst in the name she will choose.If anything, i have found  my dd would rarely do anything  i show an interest in. Just the opposite.

These days she isnt so stubborn but the more i have resisted anything my dd had wanted to do in the past the more she has pushed to do it or even did it secretly. At the end of the day your dd cant run away from herself no matter what her name is.

[jellibeans]

I am sorry but I find humor in this because it reminds my of my dd when she was only 4 years old... .she didn't like her name and insisted I call her Kate... .I did for a day but then I said that I liked her name and that is why a choose it and went back to calling my her real name... .I think it is hard to not get caught up in how frantic they get about the new thing... .I would try to be supportive but I wouldn't give her the money if you are against it... .I would really give it very little attention as possible... .

[twojaybirds]

In middle school my dd  (at that time the next Mother Theresa) wanted to change her middle name and her last name to mine, not her dads.  That seemed appropriate as he was never around.    SHe spent months talking to the girl friends about her new middle name and came up with 2 middle names which sounded great together.

I took a day off from work, paid the $100 and we went to court.  The judge asked her a few questions about her dad, she lied and said they had a great relationship and saw each other often. To that he said she needed his approval.  We left court with no name change and she never checked wit her dad.

man she had me jumping hoops early.  In retrospect I guess she was trying to feel my love 

[heronbird]

Hi, Thanks good to hear she is not the only one. Im not that bothered actually, she is always wanting to do  stupid stuff and this is not dangerous or harmful to her. It is the real last of my worries right now.

Anyway, after me saying no, I wont lend her the money and I dont want her to do it, (very uncomfortable) she then texted me saying she will wait, she will think a bit more of it. I was so happy about that. So if she does now, I wont mind so much.

Ill always call her by her real name though. She has a beautiful name shes never said she didnt like it.

She wants to change her last name, and not back to her maiden name. She thought about my maiden name as its much better but she decided not to as her cousin is known to the hospital and MH system and she does not want to be linked to her because she is not similar to her if you see what I mean.