I Think My Father Might Have BPD

[Oldest Son 03]

Hi everyone,

Like the subject says, I think my dad might have BPD. He has his good times where he smiles and haves fun. But for the majority of the time he's either angry or rude and mistreats my mother and siblings. He just gets really upset sometimes over the smallest things. I use to think it was because he bottled his anger about other things but I can't really see someone always having as much built up hatred as he does. He could really go from having the time of his life to yelling his lungs out.

I try to let things go and try to understand where he might be coming from, but I can't. There's sometimes where he gets paranoid about my mother going to work, there's times where he gets jealous of relationships that he doesn't think includes him. He also is very controlling and tries to manipulate my siblings and mom to do things that only he wants to do. My dad also compares our family to other families and then tries to persuade us to be more like the other families. He's even got to the point to where he chooses to spend more time with others than with us.

I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about things like this because he denies all of it and shifts the blame onto someone else. Me and him did have a falling out a few years ago because of his personality and actions but I've been trying to help my mom and siblings by talking to him.

Currently, things are becoming worse and my family is starting to grow tired of him. He's gonna end up making them hate him and leave. Which would make things worse because he's already told us multiple times that he wouldn't let them leave.

Do you think he had BDP and if he does or doesn't, what should I do?

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Oldest Son 03, 

Welcome to our online family! I'm glad that you reached out and shared your introductory post with us. I always feel it's a big step to reach out. It takes courage.

Your dad sounds like he definitely has some behavioral issues going on. Has he always been like this? I think that eventually our ability to handle the constant stress of living with someone who has anger issues (among other things) brings us to a place where we find it really difficult to handle. Then add to that the pain that we see our other loved ones going through, and it can feel pretty hopeless.

I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about things like this because he denies all of it and shifts the blame onto someone else. Me and him did have a falling out a few years ago because of his personality and actions but I've been trying to help my mom and siblings by talking to him.

It's wise that you don't confront him. They are, in their own way, projecting out the pain that is inside them, and they cannot understand or even see what they're doing. It's like they're blind to it. Are you still living at home with your mom and siblings?

One of the tools that has helped me a lot in dealing with dysfunction is to use a term called JADE. Don't JADE. Why don't you take a look (click on the hyperlink) and see if there is some help there for you?

Looking forward to hearing from you again,
Wools