Opinions Please :)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My on off BPD boyfriend drives me crazy.

So quick background.  We're on / off / long distance.
He spent a year trying to get my trust back.
I gave him another chance and 2 days later found a load of messages to other girls with the same stuff to me  - i.e. i love you forever, i've lost you, I'm sorry, etc etc.

So I kick him out (he had flown a long distance to see me)

3 weeks later he turns up on my doorstep ! Full of apologies and undying love.

We had an amazing time together.
Leaves back to his country
Then says he has "closed all other doors" and is fully with me eternally etc etc

The minute he does this he's distant.  He messages once/twice a day rather than the constant influx from before.

So after a week I say something. After I've discovered a couple of more ridiculous lies. "I feel you are different towards me Im not sure who you are. Anyway I'm going to sleep now.  Have a nice time at the beach"

I get this as response.

HIM
OK
Freaking out again
Thanks
Thanks for destroying my day
I was feeling so relaxed and in peace.

ME
Sorry, didn't meant to destroy your day.

HIM
Bye

ME
Bye?
I only told you how I felt, you don't have to be nasty.

HIM
I can't stand your rollercoaster of feelings towards me
One day you hate me
Another day you love me
Then you don't know me
I can't be like that

(just to add - I have never once said anything other than I love him, despite everything he has done, Ive only said I still love you no matter what)

ME
OK

HIM
You make me feel guilty everyday
For nothing I've done.

(this is the man who cheated and disappeared for 3 weeks and I've never once said a word, questioned or made him feel guilty - not once. I just said you're only human and it's fine but either be with me fully or let me go)

ME
What? Wow

HIM
I'm in peace
Please

ME
OK, I'm going to sleep now.

HIM
Respect the time I'm having with my dad.

ME
Wow
(remember this is the man who hounded me all day every day with messages!)

HIM
Bye
Be well.

That's it!

What is going on in his mind!

It comes across to me that he realised he didn't want me, but didn't know how to tell me and was waiting to jump at me for something to blame me for it.

Few telling points: The rollercoaster - well it certainly hasn't been me making that rollercoaster.  And the making me feel guilty every day comment.  Which I most certainly for 100% have done quite the opposite (the fool that i am!)

Any insights /opinions into this craziness would be much appreciated.

I don't think I can continue.

[mushroom]

My on off BPD boyfriend drives me crazy.

So quick background.  We're on / off / long distance.
He spent a year trying to get my trust back.
I gave him another chance and 2 days later found a load of messages to other girls with the same stuff to me  - i.e. i love you forever, i've lost you, I'm sorry, etc etc.

So I kick him out (he had flown a long distance to see me)

3 weeks later he turns up on my doorstep ! Full of apologies and undying love.

We had an amazing time together.
Leaves back to his country
Then says he has "closed all other doors" and is fully with me eternally etc etc

The minute he does this he's distant.  He messages once/twice a day rather than the constant influx from before.

So after a week I say something. After I've discovered a couple of more ridiculous lies. "I feel you are different towards me Im not sure who you are. Anyway I'm going to sleep now.  Have a nice time at the beach"

I get this as response.

HIM
OK
Freaking out again
Thanks
Thanks for destroying my day
I was feeling so relaxed and in peace.

ME
Sorry, didn't meant to destroy your day.

HIM
Bye

ME
Bye?
I only told you how I felt, you don't have to be nasty.

HIM
I can't stand your rollercoaster of feelings towards me
One day you hate me
Another day you love me
Then you don't know me
I can't be like that

(just to add - I have never once said anything other than I love him, despite everything he has done, Ive only said I still love you no matter what)

ME
OK

HIM
You make me feel guilty everyday
For nothing I've done.

(this is the man who cheated and disappeared for 3 weeks and I've never once said a word, questioned or made him feel guilty - not once. I just said you're only human and it's fine but either be with me fully or let me go)

ME
What? Wow

HIM
I'm in peace
Please

ME
OK, I'm going to sleep now.

HIM
Respect the time I'm having with my dad.

ME
Wow
(remember this is the man who hounded me all day every day with messages!)

HIM
Bye
Be well.

That's it!

What is going on in his mind!

It comes across to me that he realised he didn't want me, but didn't know how to tell me and was waiting to jump at me for something to blame me for it.

Few telling points: The rollercoaster - well it certainly hasn't been me making that rollercoaster.  And the making me feel guilty every day comment.  Which I most certainly for 100% have done quite the opposite (the fool that i am!)

Any insights /opinions into this craziness would be much appreciated.

I don't think I can continue.

[formflier]

None of this is your fault... .

It is your responsibility to understand that you have chosen a partner that "is extra sensitive" around the subject of feelings.

So... ."telling" him your feelings... about his feelings (that he is different... .) is like playing with fire. 

Much better to ask broad things... ."how are you"... .stay away from suggesting feelings... ."do you feel bad about xyz?"

What really happened.  He was likely having some sort of stress or irritability... .he was looking for a place to "pin blame"... .you chose to play with fire... .and he decided to pin blame there... .you decided to continue engagement on the issue.

You ended up feeling like a blender got put in your brain... .he likely felt better about himself... .as he had pinned blame on you.

Can you see the big picture dynamic?

FF

[mushroom]

Thank you.  I really appreciate your input so much.  So should I have not said anything on the subject.  I just don't know where I stand as it' such mixed behaviour towards me i.e. saying one thing and acting like another and it was driving me crazy and I felt I needed to approach the subject.  But I see where you're coming from and I just can't, so what I need to decide is whether to continue it or not. 

So for him, he took this as a personal dig?

[Lucky Jim]

My on off BPD boyfriend drives me crazy.

Hey mushroom, So why do you stay?  Presumably you get something out of the r/s.  What is it?  What would you like to see happen?  What are your gut feelings?

LuckyJim