Hi PrincessPeach! Welcome! I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but thank you for sharing what you are going through. These situations are difficult to navigate. Here, you will have support from people who have been through similar experiences.
Does anyone have any experience where you reacted differently to a breakup (in an on/off r/s) than usual, and how that affects that person’s emotions? If he’s used to me trying to talk to him/show him I care when he ends it, I am wondering how he will react to this radio silence over time.
It`s hard to tell, given I don`t know your ex, how he will react, but I can share my own experience.
Once upon a time, I was objectively poor at regulating my emotions. Couple that with an up and down relationship with my ex, and there was regular drama. When we broke up (also many times), I would write long gloopy e-mails telling him how much I missed him. He would tell me that we `wouldn`t speak again for a thousand years,` and I would burst out crying and try to call him, in a compulsive way. He`d eventually rescind, and the cycle would start over. Almost a year and a half ago, when my ex grew very distant, and started seeing someone, something changed in me. Maybe moving out and being influenced by a very stable and caring friend, maybe learning about myself, maybe thinking there has to be a better way. I completely stopped reacting outwordly. Mind you, I would spiral behind the scenes, and still very much missed him, but I presented a mature, and thoughtful face in all our interactions.
This morning he called, said he didn’t know where all of that came from last night and asked if we could just call it a bump in the road. It seemed like I had the sweeter side of him back, but within minutes of this he was telling me that I was garbage to him and standing in the way of him finding what he deserved.
Part of me feels like, having more control over my emotions, and being less `unhinged`, maybe made my ex feel a loss of control over me. There may be some similarities with the dynamic at play with your ex as well. When there is a somewhat predictable pattern between two people, and one does something different, it can be unsettling. It can even put the other person in a position where they feel vulnerable to rejection. Time will tell.
However, the important question has more to do with you and less with him. How did it feel for you to take this new approach? What made you choose to act differently?
