We grew up being afraid of my BPD mother. We are still afraid of her in ways. If my parents had divorced, I'd have asked to live with my father. It felt as if I was being judged for "feeling (or saying) things like this" about my mother as if we were to blame but we were scared of her.

Is there any way the kids could speak up to someone about their preferences that could enable you to have more custody time (or all)?

It seems like you're grappling with the complex dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its impact on your daily life, including the challenge of leaving your apartment. Recognizing the reasons for leaving an apartment can be influenced by various factors, and for individuals with BPD, these reasons might intertwine with feelings of anxiety, fear, or discomfort. Seeking support from a mental health professional can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms to navigate these emotions effectively. Remember, it's okay to reach out for help and prioritize your well-being.

Just learned about BPD Family! I have a border Line Daughter who is 27 yrs old. She is living with her boyfriend and they have disagreements that trigger her. She calls me and is usually hysterical and almost unable to carry on a conversation. Her boyfriend may say something that triggers her and after heated exchanges, he says their relationship is over. This is when she calls me. Anyone have the same situation in their lives? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Stingray

State laws differ in every state of course, but at this point I think would angle for full custody. With the ages of your children their words actually become a lot more useful in court. In due time if this persists you know quite well your ex will F and you will get the kids if you want to go that route. However you go about your business and how you want to handle things is of course your business and I support you regardless.

I helped coach a close friend of mine to getting 50/50 so no child support and told him take it for now. As I explained to him you have no choice, but to play the long game and let the ex make the mistakes you know she will inevitably make, but when she does make the mistake pull no punches and go for the gusto because at the heart of it is what is best for the children and that is not being with someone with anger/rage issues and turbulent behavior.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Always say to yourself everyday...Live My Truth! The reason I say that is it will help you center yourself and focus mind and help stem the tide of potential negative thoughts and emotions so to speak.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

 

We're in it right now too. I hear you about wanting to fix it but feeling so helpless. It's good that she let you carry her and be with her while she cried.

I wish I could fix it for you, too.

This isn't getting better. Wednesday was our switch day so I had them last night. Mommy now has them until Monday morning.

D12 seemed OK, but when we were leaving for a track meet for S14 this afternoon, D12 didn't want to go. She refused to put on her shoes. We had to get him to his meet. We were running late. I put her shoes on the car and was in the verge of carrying her to the car but she finally walked. She cried silent tears on the way, running down her face.

She told me that she wanted to just stay with me that she was afraid of mommy and her anger. She bought up past incidences (like where D then 13 accidentally slapped her and she punched the wall instead of him) and yelling at both of them... I'm not sure how often this happens. D12 brought up an event from 2 years ago where she hit them both. I asked her if there were anything recent. No. The body keeps the score 

S14 seems OK, I asked him. Ear buds and Spotify likely help. I'm not sure how to proceed. This isn't Canada where she can decide at 12 where to live. This isn't going to get better either.

I asked her if she thought that family counseling would help and she said yes, after a pause. We went through this 2 years ago. Mommy joined one meeting in person, and one more virtually, but found excuses (work) not to attend 3 final sessions.

Fix the kid. My mom did this to me, abandoning me in family counseling. My ex also did this to me. I'm not sure how to approach this... an email to her mom to start? Or let it more blow up?

D12 asked me about anger. If told her that mommy and I grew up in angry households, smacking for me and La Chancla (Mexican mom meme where they throw shoes at their kids)  for her. I didn't mention her violent grandpa.

I felt kind of helpless when I was wiping away her silent tears in traffic on our way to the meet.

When I already had custody and was seeking majority time,  S11 had about 20 or so tardies the year before and 19 of them were on mother's time.  That was listed in the court's decision as one of the factors granting me majority time during the school year.  Of course, son was not of an age to drive so he had no way to "vote with his feet or vehicle".

It's a tough loyalty quandary when there's a preteen that could be left behind, especially legally.

My 25 year old daughter had a trigger at work today and she called me and I realized right away she’s not taking her medication so I told her to go back to treatment. Insults started. I hung up and she started texting me horrible things. I can’t do this anymore. I love her but it’s destroying me.

Hello brave ones,

For it is brave to be here, facing what you really feel, and I thank you for setting an positive example for those of us still holding back due to fear.

I haven’t posted here for a while, though I sometimes lurk.

Last time I posted, I was suffering from mild psychosis brought on by a violent experience. My husband got drunk and attacked me.

That was three years ago. Just last month, he threatened me in a less serious, but nevertheless violent, manner. It brought back memories of my delusion and how it felt to be attacked. And I realized I had stuffed those emotions away. I hadn’t wanted to face how much that experience frightened and hurt me.

Furthermore, I realized I had been too scared to tell anyone. Not that I have any close friends I could tell, anyway...Due to chronic illness and autism, I am financially dependent upon my husband and quite isolated.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling burnt out with my husband’s emotional instability, and was going to post here to ask for advice regarding how to approach him to suggest therapy.

I am already in therapy, myself. I am endlessly kind and patient and forgiving to my husband. I use the communication skills I learned here. I deescalate. I let go.

But CPTSD has been affecting me a lot.

This recent violent situation brought up memories of how humiliated and worthless and ashamed I felt as a child when my parents would hurt me. When I went to the store afterwards, I didn’t want anyone to see my face.

And as I have been practicing accepting these difficult emotions, I realized something concerning...

Even after a decade of therapy, practicing self-compassion, breath work, mindfulness, and all the tools we use to heal...Deep down, where my inner child is curled up in a ball of shame, I believe I deserve to be punished by God.

It’s dark, and sad, and...I’m not sure how to replace that belief with something better.

So far, I have used EFT to process it. Do any of you use EFT? I like it for helping me to move through stuck emotions. Tomorrow in therapy, I will ask for advice about how to change core beliefs.

If anyone has anything to share about this, I am all ears.

Will update later.