I do realized that being compliant with her wish to stay home means that i enabled her erratic behavior
You need to stop the bleeding in the relationship first!
Then you can have some productive time figuring out the long term plan.
Focus on keeping her hospitalized... .and try to discuss with the professionals there the best post hospitalization treatment plan.
You need to suck up knowledge fast!
Very important that post hospitalization that you no longer enable. I commend you on your insight to be able to figure that out.
So... I realize that I didn't answer your specific question... .do I move or not... .I think you need much more information before you can make a wise choice.
Last comment... ."ditching"... .and lying in a r/s is usually bad... .when BPD and abandonment fears are in a r/s... .I think it can be worse.
Keep coming back to post updates and reactions to what you learn in the lessons.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206