When my uBPDw discarded 5.5 months ago, refused to communicate with me, told me to stop trying to communicate with her... .told me, and I quote, "I don't care what you do"... .why, after 5.5 months after all of that, would she be angry and hold it against me that I accepted a date with someone else? And then beat me over the head, using it against me? Interested to hear feedback. Because it makes zero sense to me.
My ex uBPD flipped the lid when I was hugged in public, in front of her by an old (female) friend. It was as if I had an affair! Meanwhile she was in touch with her ex bf, and went out to dinner with him the week before she ended with me, without telling me of course. By the time I'd worked it out she had cut most contact.
Makes zero sense... .true, yet we all make sense to ourselves, and in her insecure, devaluing world, this must make sense to her. I am sure there would be moments of shame/guilt, hence the need to cut communication, avoid as much of that as possible. Yet, I have never once mentioned it or blamed her, only said to her she has a lot to sort out, I love her deeply, and please contact me when she has.
But our whole rs was hypocritical, we were never equals ie) she was allowed male friends but I couldn't be friends with any females.
This too, although my r/s was only 4 months, I could feel and hear her trying to drive a wedge between me and friends, mostly the female ones (but any close ones) while she had numerous, usually much older father figures, who loved the attention.
In the end, I think the thing that concerned her the most was my gracious acceptance of her poor behaviour. She is obviously used to emotionally damaging people to a point somewhere similar or reflective to her own dis-regulation. I think this turmoil gives her a feeling of realness, like seeing blood for someone who self harms. And having no care of my feelings, saying she has no love for me, and moving on quickly, are all part of the show.