An email I want to send to my BPDX

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I feel better for writing it, but I am unsure if I should break NC to send it.

I have been thinking about it and for ___s sake, seriously, I am doing nothing more below that pandering to your BPD delusions and perpetuating the Black you have painted me. I did bloody everything for you, I made yours and Blakes life so ___ing easy, to ___ing easy if you ask me in retrospect, all you did was abuse me, lie to me, cheat on me, make promises you never kept and turned me into a shell of a person I once was. So I thank you for cheating on me with Brenton, oh yes you justify it that you didnt cheat, FFS what reality are you living in. You cheated, you know it, you hid it, things don't just magically go down the way they did without intent and preplanning, so for all  those lies, go ___ yourself. You hate who you are, you hate your past, I tried to give you a better life, something you could be proud of in the face of your family, and what did you do, smashed into your default pattern. Stand up for yourself, what a load of bull___, standing up for yourself would have been actually talking with your partner instead of manufacturing lies about me, painting me black, so you could look into Brentons eyes as a white knight to save you, just like I ___ing did when you were with Charlie. Oh how was I such a fool to be taken advantage of.

Your a waste of some many peoples time, so many peoples love or loved you, and you continue to paint them black, when all they try and do is support you, help you and give you stability.

What you have cost me, in my dignity, self esteem, lifestyle and hopes for the future (including having a child with you), my house, my car, my job I worked my arse off at for 5 years, all ruined because you cant get your head around your past, your BPD, and your inability to actually treat someone that loves you with humanity and decency for longer than a few months.

What I wish for you I will not write, what I feel for you I will not write, what I feel about what you did to our family I will not write. Want to know why Mick stopped coming around, because of you, he got sick of watching what you were doing to me, and what you were turning me into, and he couldnt say a bloody thing because I love you and was more committed to you than you and our family than you were to me.

for ___s sake, why am I bothering... .everyone is right! You did exactly what your mother warned you against.

[runningup]

I feel better for writing it, but I am unsure if I should break NC to send it.

I have been thinking about it and for ___s sake, seriously, I am doing nothing more below that pandering to your BPD delusions and perpetuating the Black you have painted me. I did bloody everything for you, I made yours and Blakes life so ___ing easy, to ___ing easy if you ask me in retrospect, all you did was abuse me, lie to me, cheat on me, make promises you never kept and turned me into a shell of a person I once was. So I thank you for cheating on me with Brenton, oh yes you justify it that you didnt cheat, FFS what reality are you living in. You cheated, you know it, you hid it, things don't just magically go down the way they did without intent and preplanning, so for all  those lies, go ___ yourself. You hate who you are, you hate your past, I tried to give you a better life, something you could be proud of in the face of your family, and what did you do, smashed into your default pattern. Stand up for yourself, what a load of bull___, standing up for yourself would have been actually talking with your partner instead of manufacturing lies about me, painting me black, so you could look into Brentons eyes as a white knight to save you, just like I ___ing did when you were with Charlie. Oh how was I such a fool to be taken advantage of.

Your a waste of some many peoples time, so many peoples love or loved you, and you continue to paint them black, when all they try and do is support you, help you and give you stability.

What you have cost me, in my dignity, self esteem, lifestyle and hopes for the future (including having a child with you), my house, my car, my job I worked my arse off at for 5 years, all ruined because you cant get your head around your past, your BPD, and your inability to actually treat someone that loves you with humanity and decency for longer than a few months.

What I wish for you I will not write, what I feel for you I will not write, what I feel about what you did to our family I will not write. Want to know why Mick stopped coming around, because of you, he got sick of watching what you were doing to me, and what you were turning me into, and he couldnt say a bloody thing because I love you and was more committed to you than you and our family than you were to me.

for ___s sake, why am I bothering... .everyone is right! You did exactly what your mother warned you against.

[valet]

Absolutely do not send that email.

Although it conveys the pain you feel, you will feel the pain nonetheless. Sending it would only provide temporary relief, and I'm sure that one day you'd regret it. We can only offer a pwBPD our most sincere kindness and compassion, just like we would anyone else.

Sending sincerely hateful messages to them, however, will only reinforce the rejection and self-attitude that they are bad and must be punished that they already hold deeply.

It is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to hurt others out of anger.

[Infared]

If I had sent that letter to my expwBPD she would have enjoyed knowing she had such a strong effect on me.  

I think you should sit on that for a few days before you decide to send it.  

I was plenty angry, too at how I was cheated on and abandoned.  My ex had completely justified ALL of her CRAZY selfish behavior in her head. All the lies, too. ... .and guess what... .in "her diluded world" all of her actions were my fault.  :)oes this sound familiar?

If I sent that letter to my ex, (which I could have written, too), it would have no effect on the situation and it would simply be refuted and laughed at.

Perhaps your situation is different than mine was, though.

[dobie]

Don't send honestly you will get nothing back or just rage and justification

These people compartmentalise I swear I could almost copy /paste your email and send it to my x its that similar


Every time I reached out even with kindness it got thrown back or worse devalued

Keep writing , keep putting these thoughts and feelings on paper , rage , cry , punch a pilliow but don't give her the satisfaction

If she is like my x you could catch her in bed with another man and she would tell me she was just practising yoga

[Infared]

I agree with dobie... .it good venting to write about your feelings and to get the anger out... .but I would not send any of it.   Writing and not sending is a healthy way to process anger.

I understand how you feel. Truly I do. I was treated the exact same way.

[peacefulmind]

Right now, NC is your strongest weapon and why would you drop it just to get put down?

I agree with the rest, that letting lose of the anger by writing a letter is a good way to get the feelings out of your head. I personally take a long walk when I feel the dark memories and how I was treated becoming overwhelming, I find a secluded place and I just scream my lungs out in despair. When I get back home, I feel relieved and I can continue on with my healing. valet's comment holds much truth, why would you hurt someone just because they hurt you? I only partly agree that compassion and kindness towards ex-BPDs are the way to go about it (I still believe that adults should be held accountable for their actions, despite any disorder underlying the behavior), however, those actions would only be necessary if NC is broken, which in your case, is clearly not the way to go. I have several hand-written letters to my ex-BPD where I try and voice my opinion, all the things I was ready to give up, all the things I had given up, and how much I had been there through everything in my ex-BPDs life over the last several years. It helps your healing to understand what you have done, and it helps you come to terms with the painful truth that it was just never returned in an honest way. I agree with the rest, keep writing down your thoughts and feelings, but do not break NC. It is the way for you to move on and heal yourself. Incentives to hurt others will always be there, but there's no reason as to why you should let that get to you.

Stay strong!

[going places]

Good.

Write it down

GET IT OUT

DO NOT SEND IT.

1. the ex, doesn't care. that's why they are an ex in the first place.

2. it will be used against you.

3. nothing will change, it will only get worse.

When you feel this indignation, rage, etc... .write it down. Get it out.

Then burn it.

Let that be how you let go of your anger.

Get it out, then burn it, watching it disappear, and the ashes floating away.

THEN replace it with something good, something positive.

You have to retrain your brain.

[runningup]

Took it to psych today, she pointed out its good I wrote it all down, that its good that I have stop being playcating all the things she saying about me and accepting them as truth, when I did everything possible for someone who is sick. Also pointed out that me sending it would acheive nothing, she wouldnt receive it for what it is, that her painting me black and being where she is, wont see any opinion other than her own twisted reality.

[Beach_Babe]

Hey running up. I can relate to how you are feeling, I think most of us on Leaving have been there. From my personal experience, sending this would probably be a bad idea. It will not make her apologize or see the error of her ways; and, for a BPD,  there are one of two possible outcomes:

1) you are ignored 

2) she reacts in a very nasty, spiteful way

in each scenario, you will be further blamed. The important thing to remember here is that this is NOT your fault. She is a crazier than a loon, and WANTS a reaction from you, don't you see?  and if you send that letter she will KNOW you are suffering. DO NOT give her that satisfaction. Vent here to us instead. You can get through this, we are here for you!

[Infared]

Took it to psych today, she pointed out its good I wrote it all down, that its good that I have stop being playcating all the things she saying about me and accepting them as truth, when I did everything possible for someone who is sick. Also pointed out that me sending it would acheive nothing, she wouldnt receive it for what it is, that her painting me black and being where she is, wont see any opinion other than her own twisted reality.

So glad that you are bouncing your feelings and anger off of a professional. I was doing that, too. It helped a lot. At times my anger was overwhelming and I needed to really try to focus it in healthy ways for my own personal growth. Trying to enlighten an extremely sick person with my hurt and pain was probably not the most productive use of my time... .but I had trouble seeing that sometimes... .It was all so devastating.

You are showing some mature, healthy processing here Running Up!  Keep working through it... .I know it is challenging to say the least.

[Infern0]

If you send that email,  in 6 months time you will seriously regret it.  I cannot overstate the level of bad idea it would be.

Just don't.

[runningup]

Yeah well I have definately decided NOT to send it.

I went and visited a mate yesterday after my psych appt, he works where I used to (which is also where BPD X works, I got her job there, and also where the guy she is with now works), anyways I parked out the front and my mate came out and we caught up for a bit. Was good, made me feel like I was out of the shadows and not hiding any longer. Apparantly got a heap of tongues wagging about me being there, which is a good thing, a good bit of strength on my part.

Was talking to another friend last night on fb and she was telling me about all the tongues wagging, and also filled me in on a lot of the lies that have been spread and the general feeling in the workplace towards BPDX, its not nice to say the least, a lot of the women there have no respect for her because she cheated on me.

Get this one, apparantly she had been telling everyone that would listen even when we were together about our sex life in detail, I was a manager there and had got her the job, talk about being immature and having no concern about how that would affect my position.