Amazing what you find out, isn't it?

[wishfulthinking]

About a month ago, I filed for divorce and it seems everything is getting messed up everywhere... .courthouse, sheriff's dept for service, etc... .anyway.  The weekend my STBexBPDh found out about the divorce, he was yelling at me so loud the neighbors were called and since he'd received a copy of the removal order in the mail (courthouse screwed up, this really jeopardized my safety) the police made him go ahead and leave and honor the order that the Sheriff's dept still needed to serve (they were backlogged and it was going to be the following Monday).  Anyway, he'd been trying to come over and talk, texting me, calling me, etc to win me back.  Wasn't working.  Last week, he had mental episode.  Went completely crazy, thought God was coming to him to exorcize demons from him... .Anyone want to guess what led to this?  Bad drug trip.  Back in Sept, I had noticed a few burns and questioned him, he said it from his cigarette.  He was more careful after that.  I kept watching and trying to find a pipe or whatever.  Meanwhile, he was dropping weight and pawning everything he owned and even took my jewelry that I have to buy back.  Because his mom (who's house he was staying) had the judge commit him to a psych ward since she didn't believe it was drugs and thought he was just having a breakdown from all the stress of what I'M putting HIM through... .(she's BPD, too, she can't take blame and she defends her son to the death even when confronted with the truth).  His tox screen showed pot, meth, Xanax... .I am thoroughly disgusted.  I have stopped taking his calls, won't answer his texts, and am actively packing his things and he is not welcome at all to come get them.  He will have to send someone else.  Hard drugs are unacceptable and I told him this.  He had/has a pill problem and he's "working on it" but I warned him... .anything harder and there won't be any "working on it".  I will walk so fast your head will spin.  He got out yesterday and started texting me.  Left a gift on my car at work this morning.  Still thinks he can lay on the charm and it'll work.  He has no idea how far done I am.  If he'd had a bad trip with my daughter around or his son... .just think what could have happened.  He put us all at risk.  I still am going back and forth with my feelings because my stupid heart will always love him, but seeing those results on paper... .definitely gave me the desire to be DONE.

[disillusionedandsore]

This is pure madness.  RUN... .as fast as your two legs can carry you... .This doesn't get better.

[Arcturus81]

Good for you. I think you should be hearing this over and over, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! You are an amazing person and just remember that you need to do whats best for you and your child. You can't save him. Adding illegal drugs to a personality disorder is like throwing dynamite on a bonfire. It doesn't explode immediately but you know it will soon and when it does it will burn everything around it. Best of luck to you and I hope you find peace and happiness

[goateeki]

Please do not look back.  Be strong and confident.  Life outside the PD bubble is wonderful and your future is bright.  Never be a martyr for another person.

I wish you strength and good luck!

[wishfulthinking]

Seriously, thank you all so much.  My heart was so torn and distraught by the FOG before, but I have no tolerance for drugs.  My heart is hard for the most part right now, except the occasional break through which I brush off quickly by thinking of him snorting meth.

He keeps texting my phone.  People tell me to block it, but I think that I need to be able to show the messages and the volume of them if I need to get a restraining order, if I block them, I won't have that proof.  Any suggestions?

He texted 33 LONG messages yesterday, I woke up to 10 more.  One of them said that he was standing outside my window and another said that do I realize he is a contractor and has master keys to open any lock and could get inside the house if he wanted to.

That made me a little nervous.

[goateeki]

Seriously, thank you all so much.  My heart was so torn and distraught by the FOG before, but I have no tolerance for drugs.  My heart is hard for the most part right now, except the occasional break through which I brush off quickly by thinking of him snorting meth.

He keeps texting my phone.  People tell me to block it, but I think that I need to be able to show the messages and the volume of them if I need to get a restraining order, if I block them, I won't have that proof.  Any suggestions?

He texted 33 LONG messages yesterday, I woke up to 10 more.  One of them said that he was standing outside my window and another said that do I realize he is a contractor and has master keys to open any lock and could get inside the house if he wanted to.

That made me a little nervous.

You're intolerant of drugs, and maybe your life would be better if you were intolerant of other things as well. 

Your RS shouldn't be hard.  It should be easy and fun and happy and rewarding. 

[disillusionedandsore]

Your safety and that of any children is paramount.  Do you have a Domestic Violence advocate you can confide in? He is harassing and intimidating you and sounds quite unpredictable... .Getting out temporarily might be an idea... .can you?

[fromheeltoheal]

And also realize the drugs aren't the problem, they're the solution, at least in his head.  I did some meth in my youth, and it makes you feel absolutely amazing, invincible, until the next day, when you feel like death warmed over.  Obviously it's no solution, but drugs like that are popular for a reason, they certainly produce the desired emotional state in the short term, and for someone with a personality disorder that makes their life a living hell, the allure is clear.  And the good news is drugs like that will take people to the bottom quickly, unlike alcohol, which can take decades, so maybe, just maybe, he'll get beat up enough to surrender and seek real help, which is a tough road for people with this disorder, but whatever gets them there gets them there.

But that's him.  I'm sorry you're going through that, it's dangerous and scary, and emotionally very hard when you feel the way you do about him.  Taking care of and protecting yourself needs to be job one, including disconnecting from him physically and technologically so you can also disconnect emotionally and start on a healing path to your bright future.  Take care of you!

[Suzn]

He keeps texting my phone.  People tell me to block it, but I think that I need to be able to show the messages and the volume of them if I need to get a restraining order, if I block them, I won't have that proof.  Any suggestions?

He texted 33 LONG messages yesterday, I woke up to 10 more.  One of them said that he was standing outside my window and another said that do I realize he is a contractor and has master keys to open any lock and could get inside the house if he wanted to.

That made me a little nervous.

As it should. I encourage you to let someone (the authorities) know you are receiving messages like this. Bpd or not, he's using drugs and is not thinking clearly.  Err on the side of caution. If he is mixing meth and other drugs there's no telling how it will effect his behavior.

Keeping the texts is good thinking. These show good reason to obtain a RO and for right now it sounds necessary for your and your child's safety. 

Drug addicts can use as long as alcoholics do without "hitting bottom", my brother did. 

[wishfulthinking]

Well, my first husband and his girlfriend were dropping off a washer and dryer at my house while I was at work. I get along well with them both, they used their truck and helped me out. Anyway, when they left, my BPDh followed them, drove fast to catch up and tried to see who was in the truck, maybe thought I was? But my first H called me and said You better do something about this, you should have seen the look in his eyes, it's not safe." Between the texts, phone calls, and now him watching my house/following them, I went to get a restraining order. It was approved. BPDh's ex got one because he tried taking their son from her house while she was gone and she said nothing unsupervised till he gets clean. It got passed, too. Before he knew about that, him, his mom, and his daughter (she was trying to get back her graduation money he borrowed from her), went to the police station to see if there was anything he could to do to force his ex to give him S12. While he was there he was arrested. On an assault charge from the 20th... .the day before he had the bad trip and got hospitalized. I guess he didn't know someone pressed charges and there was a warrant. I seriously can't understand what he's doing to his life. It's so sad and my instinct is to reach out and help him. But i know I can't. It just hurts so bad. I saw his booking photo online and there's not an ounce of the man I met in that photo. :'(