pwBPD doesnt want to leave my apartment

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was in a similar situation with a drug addict I was mentoring.  He was on the streets and asked if he could stay for the weekend.  I was hesitant but said yes.  He then ate everything in sight, somehow managed to get drugs, and slept almost non-stop for a week.  Eat, sleep, somehow get high....I didn't sign up for that.

So I changed the formula and stopped buying groceries.  No milk or cereal.  No coffee.  No snacks or microwave food.  He asked if I was hungry and I said yes, but I was broke and couldn't get food.  He asked me to drop him off somewhere else the next day.

If you want her out, then stop making your home so inviting.  Rough it for a few days, eat some takeout when she's not looking, and she'll probably leave on her own.

Mod note: split from old, defunct thread

[Pook075]

I was in a similar situation with a drug addict I was mentoring.  He was on the streets and asked if he could stay for the weekend.  I was hesitant but said yes.  He then ate everything in sight, somehow managed to get drugs, and slept almost non-stop for a week.  Eat, sleep, somehow get high....I didn't sign up for that.

So I changed the formula and stopped buying groceries.  No milk or cereal.  No coffee.  No snacks or microwave food.  He asked if I was hungry and I said yes, but I was broke and couldn't get food.  He asked me to drop him off somewhere else the next day.

If you want her out, then stop making your home so inviting.  Rough it for a few days, eat some takeout when she's not looking, and she'll probably leave on her own.

Mod note: split from old, defunct thread

[ChooseHappiness]

You should probably start recording your interactions with her as well. If she's unstable and doesn't want to get evicted, she may make false allegations against you to stay where she is -- and the police would have to act on those.

Can you change the locks while she is out?

[yellowbutterfly]

I dealt with a similar situation but unfortunately, I was married to him. He was not on the lease but was smart enough to create all kinds of hell for me.

He filed false charges against me with the police, got a TOP from family court evicting me from MY apartment (I was the only one paying the rent ever too because he lost his job of course). I had to pay for him to live there for four months because "he had no one and no money". Lies ALL lies

Protect yourself at all costs and figure out how to get her out.

Looking back, I would change my locks and put his stuff in a storage unit while filing a police report and TOP with family court for his actual ABUSE to me. I would even consider moving out myself or breaking my lease to get away from him if I could go back. It was HELL on earth and I'm so glad to be forever free of that psycho.

Also, I learned from all the authorities that this was a common tactic for someone like him. Sadly, the first person to document and claim anything is given an TOP/exculsion order in my state. Even the judge and the police team told me how unfair it was to me. Everyone could see through his lies.

Let us know what progresses. Don't be surprised if she gets violent or tries to claim you hurt her to authorities. In my experience, pBPD will go to any length to harm someone else.

[CC43]

Mustang,

If your ex has money for booze, she has money, and she isn't helpless.  She's taking advantage of you, and she'll continue to do so for as long as you let her.  In her mind, she probably feels justified by making you "pay" for "abandoning" her.  After all, she's the victim of her circumstances, right?  That's classic BPD.

She's staying with you because you make her life more comfortable than any other options at this time.  So I'd say, stop making her so comfortable.  Disconnect the internet and TV.  Don't pay for her phone.  Turn off the A/C or heat at night, except for your room.  Don't keep any food in the house that she can snack on; you can purchase food just for yourself, and you don't have to share (you're not a couple anymore).  Maybe put a lock on the bathroom door, because why should she be allowed to consume your water if she's not paying any rent?  If she makes a mess, state calmly that you will pick up anything strewn about or not put away by the end of the day.  And don't let her "borrow" your stuff.  If she throws a fit or damages your home in retaliation, then you can call the cops and try to have her removed, though you might want to be careful and take a picture, because manipulators can be sly.  The BPD in my life will claim she was assaulted, when in fact she was the assaulter.  And if she threatens or tries suicide, then call 911.  She'll be taken to a hospital and remain under their care until she stabilizes.

She's an adult, and she's responsible for herself, not you.  She's taking advantage of your kindness.  You broke up, and it's time to move on.

[yellowbutterfly]

The BPD in my life will claim she was assaulted, when in fact she was the assaulter. 

SO ACCURATE

[Cynthia85]

It seems like you're grappling with the complex dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its impact on your daily life, including the challenge of leaving your apartment. Recognizing the reasons for leaving an apartment can be influenced by various factors, and for individuals with BPD, these reasons might intertwine with feelings of anxiety, fear, or discomfort. Seeking support from a mental health professional can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms to navigate these emotions effectively. Remember, it's okay to reach out for help and prioritize your well-being.

[Elvis42]

Here is my 2 cents from my own personal experience......
  My BPD wife, ran me through the wringer, and has more Oscar winning performances than Meryl Streep. I can't count the number of times and or false accusations that have been made against me. I do not mean to come off as bias, sexist, or any such, BUT when it comes to situations such as these, from my experience 99% of the time, it's the woman who comes out smelling like a rose. The "victim" of all these horrible circumstances. There are very very few resources for men involved in these situations and women are almost always believed to be the "victim" they portray. Example: when I called local law enforcement because my wife was having a meltdown and assaulted me, I was the one who was removed from the apartment and when I wanted to take my son with me for his own safety, the police officer stated and I quote "don't be a dick, the child belongs with his mother." as I was being escorted from "our" apartment. In my opinion, if a woman screams for help, the authorities come in full force, if a man asks for help, it's "hey come on, man up." because according to society as a whole men don't get "abused."
  I ended up moving from our apartment because my BPD wife refused to move, even thought she told everyone she was in fear of me etc. When I asked her why if she was so unhappy she wouldn't move, her reply was simple "because I live here and you can't make me."
 That's just my 2 cents worth, MustangMan you might just end up having to move from you "own" apartment to get out of a situation for simply "being kind and caring to another human being"

[seekingtheway]

I think MustangMan's original post was actually 10 years ago... I wonder what happened in the end...

[Pook075]

I think MustangMan's original post was actually 10 years ago... I wonder what happened in the end...

Oh man, it was 2014.  I hope they lived happily ever after in Tahiti...but that's probably not what happened.  LOL.

[seekingtheway]

Haha, yep I suspect there might have been a few plot twists since then. Would me amazing if everyone on these boards came back to give a 10-year update...

[yellowbutterfly]

So odd, how did we all start this conversation on a thread from 10 years ago?

[Kashi]

Pook LOL

I laughed a lot

Yes, let's make up the ending.

When they came she had an epiphany and found a solution for BPD which is hoping to roll out worldwide.

Is that mean?  I don't know anymore.