What I will never say, but want to say.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

YOU, you who tells the worst lie in the universe. The lie of love. You, who walks on everyone you come into contact with, and then blames them, and walks away. You, who stole my humanity and shattered my soul, of which I feel I may never recover. You, who emotionally abused me until there was nothing left and then threw me away like garbage. You destroyer of souls, you bottomless pit of neediness, you enigma of self centeredness. I hate you more than anything in the universe, just like I loved you more than anything in the universe. Screw YOU.

[BuildingFromScratch]

YOU, you who tells the worst lie in the universe. The lie of love. You, who walks on everyone you come into contact with, and then blames them, and walks away. You, who stole my humanity and shattered my soul, of which I feel I may never recover. You, who emotionally abused me until there was nothing left and then threw me away like garbage. You destroyer of souls, you bottomless pit of neediness, you enigma of self centeredness. I hate you more than anything in the universe, just like I loved you more than anything in the universe. Screw YOU.

[peiper]

Amen

[Blimblam]

Feel your pain.  Your sorrow. Without pain sorrow suffering and sacrifice their is nothing to be greatful for. This is important to feel and nothing to be ashamed of.

You trully loved with everything you had this took bravery and courage to open your heart this way.

This pain paves the road to compassion.

[vortex of confusion]

Oh man! I so right there with you. I would love, love, love to tell mine to go f**k himself all the way to hell.

[Indyan]

Strangely I kind of have to force myself to feel anger. But when I feel angry, I feel less miserable.

So, yes, expressing anger is a positive thing.

[tim_tom]

YOU, you who tells the worst lie in the universe. The lie of love. You, who walks on everyone you come into contact with, and then blames them, and walks away. You, who stole my humanity and shattered my soul, of which I feel I may never recover. You, who emotionally abused me until there was nothing left and then threw me away like garbage. You destroyer of souls, you bottomless pit of neediness, you enigma of self centeredness. I hate you more than anything in the universe, just like I loved you more than anything in the universe. Screw YOU.

I like this... .well done

[enlighten me]

I would love to tell mine some home truths but I know they would fall on deaf ears.

if I could though I would say.

you go through life leaving a trail of destruction in your constamt search for something you will never find. You have ruined peoples lives then blamed them as you could never admit that it is you that is at fault. One day when your looks have gone you will wale up and find yourself all alone. All the people that have loved you will have abandoned you. Relatives will gave passed away and your children will be sick of your drama and lies. You who could have had the happiest of lives but wouldnt let yourself. You will pass from the world having contributed nothing positive. You will pass into obscurity and very few will mourn your passing. And on your death bed you will blame everyone but yourself for your unhappiness.

[Indyan]

Relatives will gave passed away and your children will be sick of your drama and lies.

I often think of this, for the one who supports him in his madness is his dad, and he's not eternal.

I also wonder what will happen when our baby son grows up... .

[enlighten me]

Both my uBpd exs have an abnormal attachment to their mums. I also fear for their stability when they pass. My ex wife is on the phone to her mum at least two hours a day. My exgf speaks to her mum for at least an hour a day and see's her most days aswell. This seems to be a common trait with pwBPD. Just makes me wonder how they will handle the loss of their significant parent.

[Deeno02]

My journal entry: Wish I could send it, but wont... .

I hate you. Im not really sure what we had was love. Maybe it was. I loved you with all i had to offer. I hate you for not excepting it. I hate you for playing me for a fool. I hate you for using me. I hate you for stringing me long. I hate you for playing my emotions. Deep down I knew something wasnt right. I thought we could fix it and make us stronger.

I hate you for making me feel it was all my fault. I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I accept what I own.

I hate you for your wanton abandonment of my daughter, who loved and admired you.

I hate you for being you. Your smug. Your snarky. You treat people badly. I notice and remember now. You treated wait staff poorly.  You talked to people poorly. I watched as you manuvered yourself into the freshman boys coach by being superior and intimidating to the Varsity Coach and Athletic Director. I watched how you destroyed the sophmore boys coach to the Head Coach and Athletic Director so you could take his spot. I watched you hold sway over the Head Coach, who is considerably younger and impressionable, as you manuvered your way for better positions. I hate myself for not being a voice of reason in it, but I was happy and excited for you, for us.

I hate that your a monster in disguise.

I hate you for not accepting me wholly,  completely.

I hate you for not helping me with my struggles, as most people in a relationship would.

I hate you for not allowing me to be a complete part of your life.

I feel I was a place holder.

I hate you for all those things you said to me. "I finally know what I want?"

"You blame your sex issue on me?" "You never bought me anything? " "you didnt take me on vacation?" Wow...

If I could, Id tell the replacement to run. You deserve no one. But maybe this guy will be smarter than me and see it as the honeymoon phase runs its course. Maybe hes the same as me and will put up with it. For awhile anyway. Maybe hes worse than you and you will be the one abused. Or maybe hes dumber than me and will be your whipping boy for the next 15-20 years.

Either way, your not my problem anymore. Your kids arent my problem anymore (Im sad for them). Your hectic chaotic life isnt my problem anymore. You still rent a little space in my head and heart, and i know thats not in your psyche to do so, but I would like to think I had a little place in yours too. I doubt it based on the rapid replacement in you and your kids lives, but thats going to be your issue, not mine. Ive got a bag of popcorn to sit back and watch. I have to tolerate you coaching my son, but it doesnt mean i have to tolerate you.

[BuildingFromScratch]

This felt good, I've been trying to rise above the fray for too long. I need to roll in the dirt first though. I think too many of us need to stop being so understanding and put our feelings first.

[Blimblam]

This felt good, I've been trying to rise above the fray for too long. I need to roll in the dirt first though. I think too many of us need to stop being so understanding and put our feelings first.

Yea our feelings need to come first.  My ex is a memory.  I have myself and that's who I have to love with. I have to do me! 

Have to accept me!

[non_stuck]

In 2003, I divorced an abusive man. The next guy was a knight in smoldering BS who knew that I was A. being treated for clinical depression and anxiety and B. Had enough Valium in my apartment to kill a football team. The guy was U NPD. His relatives later confirmed that. He was telling me that he was the one and I would finally have the life I deserved. He had two other girlfriends the whole time. People are conned when they want the things they most desperately want to come easier than they should. I felt the way you did for longer than I really should have and gave away my power. I also held on to the grievance and sabotaged myself socially by continuing to talk about it, worse yet; taking about the guy on dates. People don't go on first dates hoping to hear about grudges, and I am ashamed to say I was guilty of ex-talk. So, I was after working on myself, able to let it go. I highly recommend the book Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin.  Luskin also has great YouTube videos. Some day the incredibly horrible experience you are having will feel like a bad dream. I had to work on myself to figure out why I would get sucked into the fantasy of instant passion and instant "bonding." Three years ago, I had to choose between avoiding the guy and skipping his stepfather's funeral. His stepfathers was a dear friend and mentor. I sucked it up and dealt with the guy. I was polite and saw that he was pathetic and his his life has not turned out so well. When I got home, he sent me a LinkedIn request. I declined the invitation. I'm married to a wonderful guy and I'm very much loved.

[CareTaker]

I am with you on this. I want to say the same. Yes, I am broken, but healing. I knew I had to walk out, but I didn't know how. So I just left after 3 years. What makes me mad is that I was replaced two weeks later, and she carries on as if nothing has happened.

Your pretty face and your to die for body will only last so long. If at 34 you couldn't find anyone to give you that child you desperately want, it gets more difficult from here. I am so thankful I never. I pity your next victim, and for his own sake hope he realizes what he is dealing with.

Despite my pain, one thing I WILL NOT do, is give you the pleasure of my pain.

(I just walked, and made no contact again)

I know it doesn't bother you, but I will overcome my issues, and love again. But you will just go from one bed to another, till your time is up. You will experience the loneliness, at an age that no one will be bothered to care.

Enjoy... !

oh, and one last thing, luv to your mom. You spend more time on the phone talking to her, than to me.

[Aussie0zborn]

Well said. Someone should print that on a T-shirt.