I am sitting at work trying to hold it all together. My husband's decisions and behavior has brought us to the point where we are buried in a hole of financial problems that feel unbearable. Although his responsibility in this seems clear to everyone else, he feels victimized and absolutely surprised. When confronted with the truth, he is unable to accept it. As always, he has a different reality. One in which he loves everyone more than they love him, his loyalty is only rewarded with betrayal, and it is everyone else's (mostly my) responsibility to make up for all of the injustices he has faced I got paid today, and after telling him that we will barely have enough to pay the mortgage, with nothing left over, he paid the cable bill. When I was upset with him, he brought lunch to me at work to show how much he loves me. To him, it seems perfectly reasonable to have cable, even when we cannot afford to pay our bills, and are on the brink of having wages attached. "It's the one thing I ask for in life." My frustration is at a boiling point. I have been reading a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells", and was directed to this site. I don't want to be just another person who rejects him, but I am weary and feel that I can not continue in this relationship. Of course, even ending the relationship won't free me of the responsibilities he has brought on. I feel stuck...
Hi Arletta,
Wow... I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this bind. If it helps, my own SO ran up debts on me and her ex. We are not together today because she refused to go for real credit counselling and I refused to go bankrupt.
Money troubles and BPD unfortunately go hand in hand - BUT - you will get good advice here. Somebody here has a similar situation.
Stop Walking on Eggshells is a great resource. It's available on YouTube too -
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=stop+walking+on+eggshells+book&&view=detail&mid=E22E9A52D3B9792D7E50E22E9A52D3B9792D7E50&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dstop%2Bwalking%2Bon%2Beggshells%2Bbook%26FORM%3DHDRSC3One way or another, I know it feels unsurmountable now maybe, but you are already taking the right steps to find the answers to your questions.
Please take your time with yourself... reach out if you need to and usually you'll get an answer from someone soon.
Can you say more about what you are doing to give yourself what you need? Are you getting some therapy or coaching? BPD is a confusing condition to deal with because it's so all over the place.
There are some great resources here on helping us to set boundaries, engage in difficult stuff, get past beating ourselves up - letting go of blame - that kind of thing.
In the meantime, big, big BIGGGGG hugs.
Rev
