NC Mistake?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been search for years to try to find out what was up with my husband.

We have been married 26 years. I should have done something years ago, but I didnt know what to do.

He has been physically/emotionally/verbally abusive since the beginning. Always because of something I have done or not done. When our daughters were old enough to realize somethings he said or did were not right they would ask why he was saying or doing things, they were told to mind there own business/shut the ___ up/. Over the years things would be better for a time and became less physical because of boundaries I set like if you hit me I will call the police. But I was always to blame for problems and he would not have acted that way if I didnt do this or that. Mean time I am praying, reading, searching how to be a better wife, not react certain ways ect...

Then of course the pattern started he was sorry, shouldn't have said what he said... .

I finally did something when H hit/pushed adult daughter the night before other daughters wedding.

We made it back home after d out of town wedding. That night the d that was hit called and asked me to meet her in emergency room she was having trouble moving her head/neck and her arm hurt. So I met her leaving H at home asleep. Long story short d didnt want to press charges against father but wanted him to get mental help and social worker said she could have him involuntary committed. He was picked up at home by local police and taken to hospital for eval. Since then (June 23rd 2015) my daughter and I have had NC papers taken out and he was required to attend Abuser treatment Program. He since has broken restraining order by directly contacting me through email(not aloud to do that per restraining order) I just didnt answer emails, but he was texting a friend continuously. Asking about me, was I waiting for him, did I love him... .he had already done this with 2 other people so enough was enough. I call police and they arrested him for breaking restraining order.

Now the problem I realize is that I had mad it clear to family and friends that I loved him and was not getting a divorce I just wanted him to get the mental help he needed and when he was well, we could work on getting back together.

WELL now I have read on this site- NC order was maybe not the way to go - but he would never leave on his own, admit he had issues and I was concerned since I met my daughter at the emergency room he would consider I was "taking her side" and I would have hell to pay. During our marriage He constantly said I never backed him up when dealing with the children and I have told him I would not stand with him when he treated the children with disrespect.  I want our marriage to work, My Daughters are happy I am finally not allowing him to control me and I know that I gave them a terrible example during their childhood how a man should treat a women or anyone for that matter.

[healinggrace]

I have been search for years to try to find out what was up with my husband.

We have been married 26 years. I should have done something years ago, but I didnt know what to do.

He has been physically/emotionally/verbally abusive since the beginning. Always because of something I have done or not done. When our daughters were old enough to realize somethings he said or did were not right they would ask why he was saying or doing things, they were told to mind there own business/shut the ___ up/. Over the years things would be better for a time and became less physical because of boundaries I set like if you hit me I will call the police. But I was always to blame for problems and he would not have acted that way if I didnt do this or that. Mean time I am praying, reading, searching how to be a better wife, not react certain ways ect...

Then of course the pattern started he was sorry, shouldn't have said what he said... .

I finally did something when H hit/pushed adult daughter the night before other daughters wedding.

We made it back home after d out of town wedding. That night the d that was hit called and asked me to meet her in emergency room she was having trouble moving her head/neck and her arm hurt. So I met her leaving H at home asleep. Long story short d didnt want to press charges against father but wanted him to get mental help and social worker said she could have him involuntary committed. He was picked up at home by local police and taken to hospital for eval. Since then (June 23rd 2015) my daughter and I have had NC papers taken out and he was required to attend Abuser treatment Program. He since has broken restraining order by directly contacting me through email(not aloud to do that per restraining order) I just didnt answer emails, but he was texting a friend continuously. Asking about me, was I waiting for him, did I love him... .he had already done this with 2 other people so enough was enough. I call police and they arrested him for breaking restraining order.

Now the problem I realize is that I had mad it clear to family and friends that I loved him and was not getting a divorce I just wanted him to get the mental help he needed and when he was well, we could work on getting back together.

WELL now I have read on this site- NC order was maybe not the way to go - but he would never leave on his own, admit he had issues and I was concerned since I met my daughter at the emergency room he would consider I was "taking her side" and I would have hell to pay. During our marriage He constantly said I never backed him up when dealing with the children and I have told him I would not stand with him when he treated the children with disrespect.  I want our marriage to work, My Daughters are happy I am finally not allowing him to control me and I know that I gave them a terrible example during their childhood how a man should treat a women or anyone for that matter.