Contacting an undd w BPD When she initiated NC Four years ago

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Thanks Rapt Reader for the advice. I guess it is just sometimes I feel like I have just allowed myself to actually feel the pain from all these years struggling with these issues. I always felt I needed to keep myself strong for her and as the doctor told me that I just finally broke. Most would have broken along time ago. I do accept and love her for who she is I realize and have always realized what not having her father did to her. I feel so many range of emotions depression, anger, guilt hopeless. I grieve for the close relationship we should have had. Fear that we may never heal from this not wanting to screw up anymore trying to talk to her. I drove all day thinking of her as a child and what she was feeling seeing it from her eyes. I feel angry at times that my ex husband put me in the position of knowing I as a Mother could never want to hurt her with the knowledge of him not caring about her and then actually lying to her to destroy us knowing that I wanted her more than anything. I actually feel calmer than I have in the past 2years. I think what I am starting to feel more now is the acceptance for what it is and hope that we will find our way back to a better understanding and a better and more honest way of communicating. The Holiday will be hard

[Gidget]

Thanks Rapt Reader for the advice. I guess it is just sometimes I feel like I have just allowed myself to actually feel the pain from all these years struggling with these issues. I always felt I needed to keep myself strong for her and as the doctor told me that I just finally broke. Most would have broken along time ago. I do accept and love her for who she is I realize and have always realized what not having her father did to her. I feel so many range of emotions depression, anger, guilt hopeless. I grieve for the close relationship we should have had. Fear that we may never heal from this not wanting to screw up anymore trying to talk to her. I drove all day thinking of her as a child and what she was feeling seeing it from her eyes. I feel angry at times that my ex husband put me in the position of knowing I as a Mother could never want to hurt her with the knowledge of him not caring about her and then actually lying to her to destroy us knowing that I wanted her more than anything. I actually feel calmer than I have in the past 2years. I think what I am starting to feel more now is the acceptance for what it is and hope that we will find our way back to a better understanding and a better and more honest way of communicating. The Holiday will be hard

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Gidget... .There's nothing wrong with feeling the pain of the torment you and your daughter have gone through; your husband rejecting her and leaving you was devastating for both of you (even if you wanted him to leave, yourself, you still had the trauma of a broken marriage). You both needed/still need to work out the pain of that, and try to finally move on as best you can. The pain will always be a shadow somewhere in your heart; the strength comes from moving past it and becoming bigger than it is. Here are some links for that:

TOOLS: Ease your pain by reframing your thoughts

What does it mean to take care of yourself?


As far as not telling your daughter the truth about her dad's rejection of her, you did what any mother trying to protect her child would do. It takes a lot of fortitude to not bad-mouth an uncaring Dad, and to try to move your family on. I think you need to forgive yourself for that; you did what you believed was right--something any one of us Mom's would've done. I think you are being too hard on yourself, perhaps? I think you are a wonderful, caring Mom who deserves a lot of happiness and not all of this sadness. Have you run across this Article yet: Believing in yourself? Or this one: Positive entitlement--taking the initiative to share in life's riches? They can help... .As could a Counselor or Therapist (I can't remember if you've even mentioned seeing one).

Imafaerie: Has your daughter responded to you yet? If not, please don't despair; look at this quiet time as a chance to keep learning what you need to, in order to deal with her correctly when she does contact or respond to you. Keep reading, learning, and getting stronger in your understanding of her and how her mind is working... .You'll then be ready when the time comes to talk to her. You and Gidget  

[Gidget]

Thanks Rapt Reader for the positive words. I have seen a counselor and once with my daughter whom I allowed to speak most of the session. The last 10 I finally told her the truth. She was infuriated and still blamed me. The Mental Health MD was the one who encouraged me to the her all of it which I did. She took it better than I thought. I guess when she told me in 5th she wanted to kill herself I think that was where so much of my fear came from. I truly never destroyed not on single time her father to her. I guess because all this has finally come to light and I stil haven't had the chance to speak to her except thru small conversations where I bring some stuff up this is the first time the truth has come out. I do truly believe in my heart I did the right thing not telling her when she was young. I think what I fear is she will never give me the chance to tell her what is really in my soul for her. I guess I want her to believe that I felt so much pain for her thru out her life the only way I could have addressed it really was to tell her the truth. When I did, I truly believed that was the time she was meant to hear it. I will read those articles.  Thanks so much

[Gidget]

Hope all is well thinking of you have you read from your daughter?

[Iamafaerie]

No, no reply. I don't expect one really. I am focusing on not being blocked as my positive.

[Gidget]

Dear Iamafaerie,

I would take that as a positive sign she did not block you. I have been thinking of you I haven't seen you in a few days. I was hoping that you weren't rejected by her again. I know how devastating it feels.

I think it is positive she didn't block you. I would maybe reach out again. Maybe wishing her a Happy Holiday's and that you wish you were spending it with her.

Take Care of Yourself and keep the faith

[Gidget]

Dear Iamafaerie, hope all is well I have been thinking of you