Abandonment

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Shortly before your breakups did your pwBPD obsess over you leaving them?

I'm a musician and my ex "jokingly" asked me no fewer than three times between November and December if I would "leave [ex] for [bandmate]" which was utterly ridiculous to me and I could never figure out where this was coming from! My bandmate is not at all my type nor am I theirs (and my bandmate is in a committed relationship to boot). Ex also started randomly bringing up a famous musician I have a crush on.

Then, last month, two weeks before the spiral began my ex was talking about a friend's relationship saying "they're kind of in the same place as us, she doesn't know if she wants to be with him" and I had no clue what that was about so I inquired and ex said something along the lines of "well you know like you're having doubts about marrying me." Which I made sure to be absolutely clear that I had no doubts whatsoever and I thought ex was the one with doubts.

Is this actual fear of abandonment hence the splitting or are they projecting their desire to leave onto us? I AM the one who dumped my ex but I did not want to and while I know now it was the best choice I do keep having mild anxieties about their boundary pushing being a test that I failed. I guess I have to accept that F it that was the case because to accept what they were doing would have made me lose all self-respect.

[clashreality]

Shortly before your breakups did your pwBPD obsess over you leaving them?

I'm a musician and my ex "jokingly" asked me no fewer than three times between November and December if I would "leave [ex] for [bandmate]" which was utterly ridiculous to me and I could never figure out where this was coming from! My bandmate is not at all my type nor am I theirs (and my bandmate is in a committed relationship to boot). Ex also started randomly bringing up a famous musician I have a crush on.

Then, last month, two weeks before the spiral began my ex was talking about a friend's relationship saying "they're kind of in the same place as us, she doesn't know if she wants to be with him" and I had no clue what that was about so I inquired and ex said something along the lines of "well you know like you're having doubts about marrying me." Which I made sure to be absolutely clear that I had no doubts whatsoever and I thought ex was the one with doubts.

Is this actual fear of abandonment hence the splitting or are they projecting their desire to leave onto us? I AM the one who dumped my ex but I did not want to and while I know now it was the best choice I do keep having mild anxieties about their boundary pushing being a test that I failed. I guess I have to accept that F it that was the case because to accept what they were doing would have made me lose all self-respect.

[trevjim]

I kinda get where you are coming from, I actually ended it with mine yet I didn't feel like I wanted to. I wonder if she manipulated me into doing so