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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Feeling kind of lost and down this evening  (Read 363 times)
SarahinMA
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« on: February 26, 2013, 06:33:41 PM »

Sorry all,

I hate to use this forum to vent about my own personal life, but in all honesty, I'm not sure who else to talk to.  I came across my ex's online dating profile today and it literally shocked me.  I mean, I almost fell out of my seat.  Since he so cruelly broke my heart, lacking any empathy for my feelings, I just have kept telling myself that he is incapable of real love.  He told me repeatedly before we dated that he had always been single and lonely and that I was the best thing that happened to him.  Then, he was done.  Just told me he no longer felt the spark for me (after telling me that I was the love of his life)... .  at the same time, told me he that he always just told me what i wanted to hear.  The breakup got messy... .  I was so hurt and angry while he kept playing victim and blaming me.  He always had a support system of close-knit friends that stood by his side... .  I never really had that. 

A part of me secretly hoped that he would recycle me, or at least try to.  But nothing... .  never.  If he ever missed me in the slightest, he never made it known.  After two years of being together.  I knew he would have a hard time dating because he's incredibly shy and insecure.  But seeing his online dating profile made him seem normal.  He's just like everyone else- he wants to find a girlfriend.   He wants to find someone new.  I've been repeatedly trying to find some validation, but he really just didn't want to be with ME anymore.  He was so good at making me feel that there was a mutual love there and now I know there wasn't.  It just kind of put things in perspective seeing that profile. 

I seriously hate that we have so many mutual friends... .  i hate that my close friends are friends with him and see him on a normal basis... .  and they don't care about the way he treated me at the end.   I hate that he doesn't care if I'm in his life or not.  And I hate that I legitimately want him to be happy, even after all the pain he's caused in my life.

Thanks for baring with me.  It helps to write it out.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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mango_flower
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689


« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2013, 06:48:15 PM »

Hi Sarah, how long has it been? It's 3.5 months for me and I am only just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it still is far away! 

I hear you.

It hurts.  And you WILL be ok. xxx
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almost789
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 783


« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2013, 08:22:19 PM »

Im sorry Sarah. Your just like most of us here. I found mine checking his email on his profile when I was still with him! Believe me you have missed absolutely nothing but more and worse pain with recycling. They say its worse each time and I found that to be true. I dont even know why mine tried to recycle, he treated me worse than before and I would get angry, and then hed blame me for being angry, the recycles are just a big fat mess. Nothing to envy whatsoever. I became as another poster said his whipping boy or girl rather. They like to provoke this anger in you, it somehow makes them feel better.
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Clearmind
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5521



« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2013, 08:58:44 PM »

My ex also found online dating - his profile was an interesting read - I never knew he was huge into yoga  

I never recycled with my ex and while he attempted contact one occassion I had everything blocked from day 1.

Sarah, sorry to hear you found the profile - BPD is a disorder of the personality and the next person will see exactly what you saw.

Are you able to do something nice for yourself, visit a friend?
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