Don't know what to do

[Parents! Get help here!]

Last night on my way to taking DS to see WWE Live in AC, I received a call from the RTC social worker advising me that she was taking my DD over to the police station to file a complaint against the girl who has been harassing her.  Allegedly the girl broke in to the house where DD lives to try and get to DD and had to be retrained. DD said that the girl and a couple of her friends have been plotting to jump DD and that my DD feared for her safety.  I told my DD that I would handle things. Told her I would contact her CM and let her know what's going on and see if she thought she should be moved to another facility like my DD is requesting. My DD seemed ok with this... .

I had a VM later that night from the police officer to call him back. When I did he informed me that my DD was arrested.  Apparently 1/2 after she got back to the RTC she tried to storm in to the office to get to the phone to try and call her CM herself as she didn't like how the RTC was handling things, and my DD ended up spitting on a staff member so the staff member pressed charges.

I have both my DH and my mom saying it's a ploy for my DD to get out of there, that I'm always rescuing her by telling her I'll see about getting her out and placed someplace else, and that she needs to be in this type of facility.  To me, this is more of a place for juvenile delinquents which by all accounts, DD is at this point, but in my mind she is because she hasn't had her emotional issues addressed properly and this doesn't seem to be the place for that. But I don't know if my thinking is right at this point because I have DH and my mother both telling me I'm wrong. I know I have the emotions in it because she is my DD. And to add insult to injury, my ex knows about it and he feels how I am feeling even though I dare not divulge how I'm feeling to him.  He called the RTC and left numerous messages saying how they need to drop the charges because DD will now go to jail for two years because she is on probation. And that if they don't, WE will press charges not only against the girl who has been harassing DD, but the facility for doing nothing about it... .

So I reach out to you all for objective points of view. You all know my DD's history as I've posted it. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I make her stay there or should I look in to having her moved provided I even can at this point with this new charge against her. :'(

[raytamtay3]

Last night on my way to taking DS to see WWE Live in AC, I received a call from the RTC social worker advising me that she was taking my DD over to the police station to file a complaint against the girl who has been harassing her.  Allegedly the girl broke in to the house where DD lives to try and get to DD and had to be retrained. DD said that the girl and a couple of her friends have been plotting to jump DD and that my DD feared for her safety.  I told my DD that I would handle things. Told her I would contact her CM and let her know what's going on and see if she thought she should be moved to another facility like my DD is requesting. My DD seemed ok with this... .

I had a VM later that night from the police officer to call him back. When I did he informed me that my DD was arrested.  Apparently 1/2 after she got back to the RTC she tried to storm in to the office to get to the phone to try and call her CM herself as she didn't like how the RTC was handling things, and my DD ended up spitting on a staff member so the staff member pressed charges.

I have both my DH and my mom saying it's a ploy for my DD to get out of there, that I'm always rescuing her by telling her I'll see about getting her out and placed someplace else, and that she needs to be in this type of facility.  To me, this is more of a place for juvenile delinquents which by all accounts, DD is at this point, but in my mind she is because she hasn't had her emotional issues addressed properly and this doesn't seem to be the place for that. But I don't know if my thinking is right at this point because I have DH and my mother both telling me I'm wrong. I know I have the emotions in it because she is my DD. And to add insult to injury, my ex knows about it and he feels how I am feeling even though I dare not divulge how I'm feeling to him.  He called the RTC and left numerous messages saying how they need to drop the charges because DD will now go to jail for two years because she is on probation. And that if they don't, WE will press charges not only against the girl who has been harassing DD, but the facility for doing nothing about it... .

So I reach out to you all for objective points of view. You all know my DD's history as I've posted it. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I make her stay there or should I look in to having her moved provided I even can at this point with this new charge against her. :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Verbena]

I wouldn't take her out of the RTC.  The staff there did the right  thing in response to the bully who was trying to get to your DD, but your DD's behavior to the staff was just as unacceptable.  To take her out at this point is just reinforcing bad behavior.

  I agree with your DH and your mom that this is a ploy to get what she wants.  She has to learn that there are consequences.  The girl who tried to attack her should have consequences and so should your daughter for her own behavior. 

I truly believe that you will do your daughter no favors by rescuing her from the RTC.  She has had fights and physical confrontations with many people in many situations, so it's not surprising that it's happening now.  I'm definitely not condoning what the other girl did, just saying that this is the pattern. 

Good for you for not sharing your feelings with your ex.  Given what you've told us about him, I would be inclined to do the opposite of what he wants.  I don't feel he has his DD's best interests at heart, and I know you do. 

[lever.]

This is SO difficult. I have been following your threads and it certainly is clear that your DD needs residential treatment. However it is hard to know if this current placement is meeting her needs.

I understand that she needs to know that she can't manipulate and you are doing your best for her but if she's in the wrong environment it won't help at all, especially if she feels her voice isn't being heard.

What a horrible dilemna and with all family members with a different opinion.

I think what I would do is ask for an urgent meeting with senior staff at the facility and see what they say and whether or not they impress you with their understanding of your DDs difficulties.

I'm sorry this is happening after all your efforts to get her help.

I don't think I would react too quickly. She didn't help herself spitting at the member of staff.

Could you try SET?

"I want to get the best possible help for you and will be meeting the staff

I'm really sorry you are having all this trouble with the other girls

Try to hang in there, being disrespectful to the staff isn't helping us to sort out the best plan". I hope someone with more experience is along to help soon.

Take care

Just noticed that Verbena was posting at the same time, good to see people are on to it

[jellibeans]

Ray

When my dd16 was in RTC she ran away from the center thinking that if she was caught they would take her to juvie. She wanted out of there and was deseparate. It was important to not give into her and stand our ground. It really is too soon for you to tell if this place is the right palce or not. Your dd is extremely defiant and probably has a conduct disorder? Removing her at this point I think would be a mistake and it might actually cause her behave even worse. Are you ready for your dd to come home? HOw will you manage her when they are struggling to do so?

Have you received a treatment plan yet?  It does seem like your dd is headed for jail in her future and there might not be anything you can do about it... . it is very important that she feel the full weight of her actions... . there has to be consequences. Don't rescue... . she is manipulating you and she needs to know you are serious.

Hang in there Ray... . things are going to be unsettled at first and her defiancy is complicating things as well. Things will get better.

[Verbena]

Since my DD was never in a RTC, it's very easy for me to sit here and tell you what you should do. My heart really does go out to you.   

I truly do feel (as jellibeans said) that your DD is on the path to jail--not a juvenile detention center, but big people jail where having you come get her will not be an option.   I also agree that it is too soon to tell if this RTC can help her or not and that you should have a sit-down with the staff about a treatment plan.

Ultimately, no place can help her if she won't follow the rules and do her part.  I'm pulling for your DD and praying still for you and your family. 

[Being Mindful]

Let her deal with the natural consequences of her actions. Don't rescue.

Without her knowledge start asking the needed questions about what kind of facility this is, what percentage of kids do they get from the juvenile system, what percentage with known mental illness, dual diagnosis etc. Are they doing psychological evaluations? If so, when? Ask what therapy types they use? Did you have a pre-placement meeting or placement meeting the day your daughter was admitted so that you and she understands consequences of behavior, how many holds are allowed, etc. These are important questions.

Then, if you can start researching other treatment centers and really, really develop a question document to ask of facilities using what you think your daughter needs... . don't do this from a mom's soft heart but get down to the absolute truth. Try to ignore your soft, mom's heart. Don't accept anything that doesn't meet the criteria that she needs. I'm recommending you start getting prepared for the what ifs. I do agree with others that it is too soon to know if this place is the right place, but I do have concerns.

In one of your other posts, you mentioned that the director has already softened her foundation make-up rule for your daughter. Ask yourself why? It may have made you and her feel more comfortable but it's a red flag that the director did this. Now your daughter knows she can manipulate the director of the center... . not good.

Keep going Ray! You can do this, I know you can.

 

[Kate4queen]

I know this is heartbreaking for you but I really think you should stay out of it and let her experience the consequences of her actions. She can't always rely on you to fix everything for her.

Also I'd agree about separately asking more questions about the facility and making your mind up about the future.

[Elbry]

My heart goes out to you.     My DD is not in a RTC yet we are just starting the process and that alone breaks my heart so I can only imagine where you are. 

I agree with the other replies though, she needs to deal with the natural consequences of her actions.  I have an older daughter that has been in legal trouble once in the past and is in trouble currently and I refuse to rescue her.  She has to face what she did. 

On the other hand, I'd be asking some serious questions about that RTC.  I've read your posts about it and it doesn't sound very therapeutic.  Reading about all this bullying and harrassment makes me nervous.

Hang in there and remind yourself you are doing your best with love.

[raytamtay3]

Thanks everyone. I'm once again struggling. But it seems the majority rules. Stick it out a little longer.

I'm waiting for DD's case manager from the RTC to call me back so I can talk to her about everthing and get her perspective. I sense that she is tough, but fair and I like that.

This week is going to be rough.

[raytamtay3]

PS: My ex is going ballistic right now. He left several messages for the facility theatening to sue. This is why I told them I did not want him involved. He is irrational. But I guess this will be a natural consquence for them not heeding my warning. They told me that because it's my DD request because this is for her recovery, he was going to be included in the family sessions beginning next week. Good thing is now they will see for themselves.

[raytamtay3]

Let me prefix this by saying how difficult it is at this point to believe anything my DD says after catching her in so many lies. And it's really ashame because now that she's cried wolf so many times, we'll never truly know who is telling the truth in this case... .

Finally heard back from the case manager from the RTC. She appologized for taking so long, but she said she didn't work over the weekend and wanted to get the full story before she got back to me. EX thinks it's because they wanted to colloborate their stories...

So from what she understands happened is that my DD and another girl wanted to press charges against another for harrassment. So the social worker took them over to the police station. They said they normally don't for things like this, but wanted to let the girls know they were being heard (someone on here said that too).

When they got back they were both allowed a phone call. The other girl went first and because there was a code blue, my DD didn't get a chance to make her call which sent her in to a tissy and she tried to burst into another office that houses confidential files to get to a phone and needed to be restrained after cussing out all involved. She was placed in an upright hold. She then cussed out the person who took her over to the police station and then spit in her face as she was restraining her. DD now claims the staff punched her in the face repeadly the CM said. She said but the police checked her out and there were no visible marks on her... .

With respect to the "shank". The CM said what that was was another girl, totally unrelated to what's going on with DD and not even directed at her, had a crocheting needle in a pillow case telling another girl how she's gonna get her when she gets out.

I asked straight out if the CM felt my DD was in the right place and she said we need to give it more time to see. For whatever reason, I trust her.

So we will see what happens. I'm going to give it the full 30 days until our first family meeting to see how things go.  Oh and it seems my DD  has this partner in crime now and apparently the staff heard them plotting about how they were going to manipulate the system to get out. True? Not true? Who knows... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Verbena]

and it seems my DD  has this partner in crime now and apparently the staff heard them plotting about how they were going to manipulate the system to get out. True? Not true? Who knows... .

It occurred to me that the whole bullying incident may have part of a scheme on your DD's part to gain your sympathy.  That's not to say the girl who tried to attack her isn't completely responsible for her actions, but it is very possible that your DD sensed this girl was unstable and would come after her if she provoked her into it. 

Did the staff hear your DD and the other girl plotting before the bullying incident?  If they did, I don't see why they would follow through with allowing your DD to press charges.  Your DD claiming she feared for her safety doesn't fit with your description of her, so that comment really made me wonder.  But you'll never really know the truth because like you said, you can't believe anything she says. 

Your husband managed to show his true colors in record time, didn't he?  Thank goodness your DD isn't around him much. 

[raytamtay3]

and it seems my DD  has this partner in crime now and apparently the staff heard them plotting about how they were going to manipulate the system to get out. True? Not true? Who knows... .

It occurred to me that the whole bullying incident may have part of a scheme on your DD's part to gain your sympathy.  That's not to say the girl who tried to attack her isn't completely responsible for her actions, but it is very possible that your DD sensed this girl was unstable and would come after her if she provoked her into it. 

Did the staff hear your DD and the other girl plotting before the bullying incident?  If they did, I don't see why they would follow through with allowing your DD to press charges.  Your DD claiming she feared for her safety doesn't fit with your description of her, so that comment really made me wonder.  But you'll never really know the truth because like you said, you can't believe anything she says. 

Your husband managed to show his true colors in record time, didn't he?  Thank goodness your DD isn't around him much. 

Apparently they heard the girls plotting when they brought them back after taking them to the police station.

And I knew my ex would show them his true colors. I probably didn't even need to try and warn them.

[raytamtay3]

I'm a bit concerned over a couple of things related to the RTC. I contacted DD's RTC CM yesterday to check to see if DD's phone priviledges have been suspended because of the recent incident and was informed that they have not, and that DD would be permitted to make a call last night after the therapy appointment. Neither my ex nor I received a call from her... . That is very very odd. I thought for sure she'd call us complaining about being in there and asking when we are getting her out.

The other is it takes too long, in my opinion, for anyone at the RTC to get back to me, if they do at all. It seems the only one who does is the CM. I've sent messages to both her therapist and to the assistant CM and have never received a call or email back.

These two things concern me. Would they concern you? Is this the norm at RTCs? I won't feel better until I talk to DD. I had a nightmare about her last night.

On a side note, first visitation with DD will be this Saturday. I'm definetly going to see what's going on there.

[Rapt Reader]

Hey, raytamtay3 

I do not have experience with a teenager in an RTC, so my experience may be not applicable to yours, but this is what I do have experience with:

My son stayed at 2 separate "regular" In-Patient Rehabs within 3 years. The first was for 28 days, the 2nd, two years later was for 36 days. Then, last year (a year after the 2nd Rehab) he spent 21 days in an Intensive In-Patient Dual Diagnosis Center, which I would think is similar to your daughter's RTC.

In all cases, my son had phone privileges after about 1 week of admittance, and in all cases his phone calls home were fairly regular (at least 3 times/week) at first, then he stopped calling us as therapy got more intensive. We rarely heard from him after the first 2 weeks, but he actually was doing very well at that point, resigned to staying and not whining about wanting to come home.

In all cases he had either one Social Worker, Therapist or Counselor assigned to him for taking all of our calls into the Rehabs/DDx Center. We were not able to call around and talk to anyone else (unless it was Accounting, and having to do with Insurance or billing purposes   ). Our calls were sometimes taken right away, but more often we left messages that sometimes took time to be returned. Lots of times the explanation was that my questions (I always left explicit messages) needed to be vetted by his whole professional team before his Social Worker (or whoever) could give us answers.

It took time for us to get used to that, but it did seem to be the norm for In-Patient treatment, and I eventually learned not to get upset about it. I also learned to enjoy the free brain-space that communicating with my son or his treatment team on a very limited basis afforded me. In the end, it all worked out. This is just my experience... .

[crumblingdad]

Raytay - oh man I'm sorry this is a tough spot and I've lived it from personal experience and at this point not sure what advice to give.

Sounds like it may be the RTC isn't the greatest and sounds like your DD is exasperating things making it seem worse then it is.

Prior to a good RTC my DD was in the Chins program which means the state decided on group homes.  Most didn't have the mental health aspect.  One was an Easter Seals lockdown facility with a DBT program seperate but you had to be in the other unit before qualifying for DBT unit for 3 weeks first to prove you "wanted the dbt."  That place had a lot of questionable issues going on and quite frankly, an awful counselor, a bunch of college kids working as staff who were in way over their head, and a lot of kids who were one step from detention center and this was their last hoorah.  I'm convinced it probably did more damage then good with our DD as well as exposed her to a lot of bad seeds.

On the other hand she did a lot of what your DD is doing at the RTC she ended up in as well as some other pretty well run group home placements and it was a total complete BS snow job to manipulate and try and get herself out.

I wish I could give you a good answer but I had a gut feeling that the Easter Seals lockdown was the wrong place a few weeks into it and really started listening and asking tons of questions and making sure I expressed my every concern.  My gut was right and we had her moved within a few weeks after it really went downhill.  So my only suggestion is don't ignore your gut and don't act too fast but do ask a ton of questions and don't be the least bit hesitant in getting every answer you need to anything that doesn't feel right!

[raytamtay3]

I just received the following email from the CM (thoughts?):

Good Afternoon,



This email is to give you an update on the above mentioned. I spoke with her one on one Monday to hear her side of the story in regard to the events that occurred over the weekend... I do not feel that T.F. is being completely honest. She had some concerns. I felt as if her concerns needed to be addressed so we met with Mr. W (chief administrator) on Monday. I also wanted to get an overview from the staff (during school hours) so I went out to the school to speak with the VisionQuest staff as well as the school staff. I was informed that T.F. can be very disrespectful and insightful. She seems to have a different perspective of events that involve her. Mr. Rr (direct care staff) has had to pull T.F. out of the class room on several occasions with hopes of trying to verbally redirect her conversations. It is said that she speaks about things inappropriate for a classroom setting. When I left the school she seemed to be okay. Apparently after I left Mr. W (chief administrator) had to address her behavior. She also received a write up for being insightful/confrontational to one of her male peers. The staff was able to bring the situation under control. I was also informed by one of her teachers that T.F. made an allegation that one of the staff members had dragged her out of the classroom and into the VisionQuest van. She also stated the staff member pulled her hat off her head while also pulling her hair. Well the staff did take her hat off but the staff did not pull her hair according to the other adults in the classroom. T.F. informed me yesterday that she spoke with the principle and they are allowed to wear hats in the classroom. I have not confirmed this information at this time at this time but I am working on it. Last I was informed, they are  not allowed to wear hats in the classroom. There is no way that a staff member would be permitted to drag a youth through the hallways of the school. There are hall monitors throughout the day as well a Lumberton police officer. They would not have allowed this to happen. I spoke with T.F. yesterday about the school and incident and my perception is that she was trying to defend one of her peers. I had to remind her that was not her battle.



After all of this I had a heart to heart with T.F. I informed her that I did not feel as if she was telling the whole truth. I am a neutral party and I am not taking sides. I need her to take  ownership for her behaviors. I feel as if she has a strong mind and will but she is definitely manipulative. I also told her that the youth that she has decided to team up with is not as strong as she is and she is using this to her advantage.



T.F. has informed myself and Kendra that A will be taking her out of the program. My response was I have not heard this from A.



Please contact me with questions.



Thanks,

[raytamtay3]

I am so worried. Nobody is calling me back from the RTC. DD was suppose to call either her father or I after her therapist appointment last night and never did. I am climbing the walls right now and about to lose it! I can't take this crap! I have such bad feelings!

[lever.]

 I have been thinking a lot about this.

The more I read the more I feel you need to stand firm.

I certainly wouldn't be reacting quickly. You feel you can trust the CM and I would continue to work closely with her.


You can continue to ask questions and do research without discussing it with your daughter but I am thinking that she needs to see consequences for her actions.

If the facility is not ideal she is still not dealing with this in an appropriate and constructive way.

The more I read the more my opinion has moved towards taking a firm line.

She would certainly be unsafe outside residential care and too much for a family to deal with at the moment.

[Rapt Reader]

Are you referring to a call you have made in response to their recent email to you regarding your daughter's behavior, as mentioned above?

How long has it been since you've been waiting for a return call? Or, are you just waiting to hear from your daughter, since she missed last night's call? Or, something else?

I know it's hard, raytamtay3... . hang in there. Sometimes they can't respond right away to our questions, because they need to confer and get all the facts from all the professionals involved. It could be something else, but it might not be a negative reason  

[raytamtay3]

Are you referring to a call you have made in response to their recent email to you regarding your daughter's behavior (in your other thread)?

How long has it been since you've been waiting for a return call? Or, are you just waiting to hear from your daughter, since she missed last night's call? Or, something else?

I know it's hard, raytamtay3... . hang in there. Sometimes they can't respond right away to our questions, because they need to confer and get all the facts from all the professionals involved. It could be something else, but it might not be a negative reason 

I need that darn cream NOW!    I just want to know why she didn't call. I just need to hear her voice and know she is ok. I just have such horrible visions in my head. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[raytamtay3]

I have been thinking a lot about this.

The more I read the more I feel you need to stand firm.

I certainly wouldn't be reacting quickly. You feel you can trust the CM and I would continue to work closely with her.


You can continue to ask questions and do research without discussing it with your daughter but I am thinking that she needs to see consequences for her actions.

If the facility is not ideal she is still not dealing with this in an appropriate and constructive way.

The more I read the more my opinion has moved towards taking a firm line.

She would certainly be unsafe outside residential care and too much for a family to deal with at the moment.

That's why I love you all. You give it to me straight and put me back on track. But boy is this hard.

[maxen]

hi raytam. i've been following and i have had no advice to give, but you have really been put through the wringer and i continue to offer you all my support and sympathy. about the above letter i have two questions:

does "insightful" mean "direct and personal"? i learned once that "counseled' was edu-speak for "verbally berated", so i wonder if this is another euphemism.

and are you the person referred to as "A"?

[raytamtay3]

It's official. I've completely lost my mind... . Anyway, I finally heard back from the RC and the CM put my mind at ease once again.  She is looking into why DD didn't call us.

DD is permitted vistation beginning this weekend but I just found out she can only have on visitation at a time. So my ex and I are going to meet up there as we both want to see her. At first the CM was concerned about this thinking we don't get along, understanbly because of my saying that I didn't want him involved, but the truth of the matter is, we can be amicable. I just don't want him hindering her recovery and actually with me there, he can't sabatoge things. So we will both visit with her. It's going to be supervised by the CM as well.

[raytamtay3]

hi raytam. i've been following and i have had no advice to give, but you have really been put through the wringer and i continue to offer you all my support and sympathy. about the above letter i have two questions:

does "insightful" mean "direct and personal"? i learned once that "counseled' was edu-speak for "verbally berated", so i wonder if this is another euphemism.

and are you the person referred to as "A"?

Hi!

A is the CM we work with through our county, and who referred us to this RTC. I questioned what the definition of "insightful" was as well because it didn't mesh with what she was describing. She means that DD instigates. She's using the wrong euphemsim.

Thank you for your support too. I am so thankful to have such understanding and supportive people in my corner!

PS: Just received a message from the CM from the RTC frequeating an emergency meeting April 2 to address any issues and alleviate concerns. Woah. I feel better!

[llbee814]

I'm thinking cm meant incite and perhaps autocorrect changed it.  I agree with lever.  Although my dd18 was not in an rtc, we did plenty of inpatient and partial placements and this sounds like fairly typical behavior for an uncooperative teen.  It is so very hard to deal with because even though we know what our girls are capable of we aren't there to see what's going on for ourselves and must rely on strangers.  Giving up control is soo hard.  The bottom line, I found, was that my daughter had to see and experience that nobody was caving into her before her behavior got better.  She tried a lot of b/s before it sunk in that she was the one that was ultimately responsible for when she would be released from a program and that she had to work for it.  I know it's not easy but hang in there.  You are doing a great job for her.  This is much better than the alternative of her being home with the ability to run.   Blessings, llb

[raytamtay3]

I'm thinking cm meant incite and perhaps autocorrect changed it.  I agree with lever.  Although my dd18 was not in an rtc, we did plenty of inpatient and partial placements and this sounds like fairly typical behavior for an uncooperative teen.  It is so very hard to deal with because even though we know what our girls are capable of we aren't there to see what's going on for ourselves and must rely on strangers.  Giving up control is soo hard.  The bottom line, I found, was that my daughter had to see and experience that nobody was caving into her before her behavior got better.  She tried a lot of b/s before it sunk in that she was the one that was ultimately responsible for when she would be released from a program and that she had to work for it.  I know it's not easy but hang in there.  You are doing a great job for her.  This is much better than the alternative of her being home with the ability to run.   Blessings, llb

Thanks for your response and understanding.

CM = case manager

Thanks!

[maxen]

Hi!

A is the CM we work with through our county, and who referred us to this RTC. I questioned what the definition of "insightful" was as well because it didn't mesh with what she was describing. She means that DD instigates. She's using the wrong euphemsim.

maybe she meant "inciting." e2a: OOPS! just read llbee's post.

PS: Just received a message from the CM from the RTC frequeating an emergency meeting April 2 to address any issues and alleviate concerns. Woah. I feel better!

[lever.]

I'm glad to hear that they arranging a meeting. It will give you more opportunity to get a feel for whether this is the right place.

This must be very  difficult for you but you are doing your best for your daughters long term well being 

[peaceplease]

raytamtay,

I have worked in RTC before, and sometimes  residents lost  their phone privileges due to behaviors.   Parents were able to call anytime and question staff.  They should be able to give you a current report of how your dd is doing.

You mentioned that it takes too long for rtc to get back to you.  How long is too long?

I am glad that you are going to have a meeting soon.  I hope that you will get all of your questions answered.  You trust her CM.  Let her guide you, and if you feel this is not the right place, then search for alternatives.  And, your home or ex's is not an option.  She will try everything that she can to get out of there.  I hope you can remain strong.

Not all RTCs are good.  You can always shop around for another one while she is in there.