Scary how fast they "change"

[Bananas]

Ran into my ex today in the parking lot at work.  I haven't seen him in about two weeks as I was out of town.  Had to do a double take, I barely recognized him. 

His hair is long (always kept it short while we were dating). He has gained a lot of weight. (was very toned and athletic when we were dating).  Has a fancy new car. (he loved his old car that wasn't fancy). Has a fancy new phone that he was pretending to look at so he didn't have to look at me. (always prided himself that he was not a slave to technology and loved his simple phone).  Dressed totally different.

So strange! I asked myself... . Who is this person?  I almost said "hello" but I didn't, just kept walking, right on by.   

[cska]

Hey bananas!

Good for you for not engaging with him!

I'm also stunned at how fast my dBPD gf would change. She would go from wanting to know where I was every second, sending me texts every 2 minutes, getting mad if I wouldn't reply immediately... . And then all of a sudden, she would say "we're over", and in a split second, she would stop all contact with me, stop worrying about where I was, and go out with friends, seemingly happy and without a care in the world... . And I'm standing there like "what the hell happened"? Just a second go you wouldn't let me out of your sight, and now you don't have a care in the world about me... .

That kind of behavior would shock me to the core. Such a dramatic change in a split second. Its bizarre, almost inhuman... .

[Bananas]

cska, wow, you summed up my whole two year relationship.  the extremes were crazy.  way way into me and then total silent treatment with no explanation in between.  damn, if i had a dollar for all my "what the hell happened" moments i could retire and not have to worry about running into him at work. 

admittedly i felt a little guilty for not saying hello, it took everything i had not to.  it is so not me. i always say hello when i pass anyone, total strangers included.  guess i have to change things up when it comes to him. 

yes bizarre and inhuman.   

i figure his physical change and new fancy material possessions are likely a result of mirroring his new fiancee.  she must be total opposite of me. 

[cska]

Bananas, sorry you had to go through all that for two years. I'm sure it drove you... . bananas. It definitely made me go crazy... . My hair started to thin because of all the stress... .

guess i have to change things up when it comes to him. 

I think for us nons, we really have to change a lot of things about us to heal from the wounds of a BPD relationship.

i figure his physical change and new fancy material possessions are likely a result of mirroring his new fiancee.  she must be total opposite of me. 

This mirroring phenomenon is very bizarre indeed. I've never seen anything like it before. And because of it, I felt such a deep connection to my girl. I was 100% she was the one and I was gonna spend the rest of my life with her. When I was getting to know her, she was SOO similar to me. Now I know it was b/c of the mirroring. In reality, she is very different from me... .

[BPD No More]

Hi there, I'm new to here but I totally agree whereby they have such dramatic changes to their personalities. I was with a guy for 2 years having only left a month ago. We tried to do an ammicable split but I knew it was only happening that way because he still loved and "idolized" me and the relationship even though it was failing. As soon as things got heated and nasty he would shift to I hate you now mode and was straight away going onto online dating etc. I couldnt even tell him how hurt that made me given the two years we were together and one month apart, without him worrying only about his own pride and hurt feelings because I found out about the online dating. He snapped and its like he hasn't loved me for a long time. There is no in between for him. Just black and white as you all would know. His mother has it too.

My first encounters with noticing his problem would be where he was in a playful mood tickling and grabbing at me and I would be trying to cook us dinner and say not now hon and he would continue to keep trying only because he knew I was getting annoyed and then snap, he would yell abusive words. It soon turned Into a rage where he would throw me to the floor, punch or wstrangle me. All because he couldnt deal with the hurt feelings of being rejected and wouldn't respect my space and then play with me at a more convenient time. He was only ever a spontaneous person. Anyhow he has never accepted his BPD and probably never will.

[Validation78]

Hey All!

As we know, BPD is an emotional disorder, so it is common to see drastic changes in behavior from one minute to the next. The scary part is you never know what to expect, and that's what contributes to keeping us off balance.

Good for you Bananas, being able to totally ignore him. For most of us, doing so would be uncomfortable, since in civil society, it would be looked upon as rude. However, if we look at it as self protection and preservation, as I do, I know I cannot engage with my exBPDh as it triggers me, and creates anxiety, so my only option is to take care of myself and my feelings, and not worry about his!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Bananas]

Update:

Ran in to my ex today.  I haven't seen him in about a month. 

Bald head.  Lost weight.  Old clothes.  Wedding ring off.

I must be white again because he was making a huge effort at actual conversation, something he has not done in a long time.

The best part: I don't really care.   

[Ironmanrises]

Hey bananas!

Good for you for not engaging with him!

I'm also stunned at how fast my dBPD gf would change. She would go from wanting to know where I was every second, sending me texts every 2 minutes, getting mad if I wouldn't reply immediately... . And then all of a sudden, she would say "we're over", and in a split second, she would stop all contact with me, stop worrying about where I was, and go out with friends, seemingly happy and without a care in the world... . And I'm standing there like "what the hell happened"? Just a second go you wouldn't let me out of your sight, and now you don't have a care in the world about me... .


That kind of behavior would shock me to the core. Such a dramatic change in a split second. Its bizarre, almost inhuman... .

My exUBPDgf exhibited same behavior in both rounds of relationship with me.

Scary beyond words.

[blurry]

Mine does some weird stuff similar to that but its usually more with material type stuff around her apartment, one minute she's hanging pictures of me and her, hanging pictures of mine from the past, ones I had no intention of taking out in the first place, really trying to make me feel like her home is mine or our home. Then the instant breakup occurs out of nowhere. She will recycle a couple few weeks later and ill go over and its like no trace of me exists, and she will have a new bedspread, some new throw pillows, area rug or two, its kinda weird.

And ill kinda be standing there wondering why in gods name did she bother to hang all the original pictures, put my stuff out on shelves ect, only to undo it a week later, redecorate sort of, then recycle me another week later, really eerie sort of. Its like some kind of mind erasing trick she uses on herself, oh and she deletes all pictures we had of us on her phone, deletes all the things were tagged in on facebook together too, and throws out any gift or love letter I might of given her, only to beg me to come back a short time later... .

Its really bizaare.