Help with ex-fiance BPD

[butterflysusan]

Hello,

My ex-fiance was not diagnosed with BPD, but I strongly suspect he has it. He and I were together for a year and a half. During that time he lost two jobs and started another one in his home state - 600 miles away from me. He was highly anxious during all of the job transitions and became depressed when he moved back into his aunt's house in New York. He started to pick me apart, demonize me and talk badly about me to his co-workers and family when he once praised me and treated me like a princess. We were engaged in January of this year and he blamed me for it stating that I pushed him into it. I tried to stand up for myself because I knew I had not done so, but he made me apologize for the engagement, started fights with me over little things and then when we apologized to each other, would bring the argument back up again. He also used my past against me at one point.  Anything to do with the wedding stressed him out and he latched onto anything negative. He finally broke up with me while I was at a writing conference this summer. I've had a hard time of dealing with this rapid transition from kind man to cruel mean person.  We were in counseling but the counselor wasn't very good. At one point, the 2nd meeting I might add, he put us in 2 different rooms and asked us if we were ready to give up the other. What kind of counselor does that? Especially on the 2nd meeting? I was hurt and now I'm both angry and hurt. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a few months now. I want to reverse the breakup but I also need him to get help and treat me like he did at the beginning. I was beginning to feel nervous and like I had to step on tip toes around him all the time this past summer when I came to stay with him and his aunt. And to make matters worse, it felt like the aunt blamed me for the circumstances - all while having Christian parafanilia around her house!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi butterflysusan and

you gave us a pretty good picture here. when is the last time the two of you spoke, what about, and how did it go?

are the two of you currently living nearby each other?

[Tattered Heart]

Hi butterfly,

Welcome . So sorry that your wedding fell apart and you broke up during the engagement.

Is your pwBPD willing to give things another try? Do you still speak or are you in contact?

Times of transition can be extremely triggering to a pwBPD. They have a strong need for control and all of the unsteadiness of a move and a marriage could cause them to feel quite a bit out of control.

As for other family members, remember that they are often brought into a drama triangle with your pwBPD. They may have a tendency to try to rescue too. Today she may be the rescuer and tomorrow she may be the villain. I would suggest just removing her from the equation. What she thinks or says has no bearing on your relationship.