Hi mamagabs78,
I'd like to welcome you to the family. I'm sorry that you and your husband went through years with falling through the cracks and not being heard. I can't imagine how isolating and distressing that would feel.
I'm glad that you have finally found us there is hope! It helps to talk to people that are in similar situations as you and can offer you guidance and support. Read as much as you can about the disorder you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You have read about BPD the one thing that you'll notice is how much more information that you pick up when you keep reading about it.
Reading about BPD is going to do two things it will help normalize the disorder and it help you to understand why she acts the way that she does and that it is not something that is personal towards you or your H it's something that she is going through. Learn to become indifferent with the behaviours you neither hate them or like them - depersonalize it.
Does she have siblings? How's your H coping? ( husband ) I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.
50 Common QuestionsPS the lessons are on the right side of the board