how can ppl with BPD take stress of new life.

[simplyasiam]

ex with BPD went from a loving caring home in country setting that she owned half of. kids in one of best school in are area, having  most every thing a couple could ask for inside and out of the home. a new car, her two house dogs she loved... . a seeming good life. this lead to depression crying small fights anxiety home bound at times

now she living in a home she cant afford in the middel of a little town that is over run with drugs. is not able to have pets there, kids will be going to school thats way behind rest of schools here . new car that was paid for is gone... . bad timing chain. she traded it for mid 90s sunbrid. living without cable or internt. lost contact with most of her family. this leads to happy and being able to deal with what life hands you?

if this wouldnt stress someone out what would, yet she seems like life is going well. i cant understand how things in old life could trigger stress and this new life seems to make her happy.

if only we could know whats really going on inside thier head!

[xandrew245x]

I tried to give my ex the best life possible. We owned a very nice house together, she had a brand new car, the exact one she wanted, she loved animals, so I left her have whatever pets she wanted, and she loved the animals, she had a very easy job, I did the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, I left her do as she pleased. I have a good job, with a good future in that job. Our life wasn't perfect, we fought a good bit, but I tried to do what I could to make her happy.

She left me for another guy, he lives in an apartment with his brother and works at walmart, no education other than highschool, no future it seems. She moved back in with her parents, they had to make a makeshift room for her which is extremely tiny, she has to do whatever her mom says which mean a lot of the house work and shopping. I know she has been making them dinner almost every night. She also has no job now.

I really don't know why she would give up such an easy life that she had to go to point she is in now. I wish I could see inside her head.

[Clearmind]

Stuff, homes, money, cars, spectacular views etc have little to do with emotional happiness simply.

[simplyasiam]

hello clearmind, i understand that.

all the things iam saying we had/have are things things she wants, at times anyway and when shes like she is now she seems only to wanta be or atleast feel she is free and do as she wants. at some point it always hits her thats she trashed everything around her that was good for her and her kids.

i just understand how she can live with what shes doing to me her family kids and herself till she gets to the crash point.

[Clearmind]

She, and many people think all those things will provide happiness and fill and void however they don't. She is too busy hurting to see how it affects others.

[simplyasiam]

thank you , that i can see. i know she is still hurting as are the rest of us around her.

[Clearmind]

I know you are simply - I have been there and its so tough.

We look to our disordered loved ones for answers and they just cannot provide it. Its up to us to see the disorder for what it is and make attempts to heal.

[simplyasiam]

very ture and tahnks for understanding. its been a hell of a ride the past 6 years, i want off but it to point normal is scary to me

i went out with girl friday and didnt even know how to act around her and other heathly ppl

[danley]

She is too busy hurting to see how it affects others.

So true. When people are hurting It's hard for them to see beyond themselves. It happens to everyone.