We've officially tried everything, SD10 still home alone

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm so disappointed. We have officially tried everything to make sure SD10 isn't home alone and nothing worked.

We brought up a motion in court to have SD10 attend daycare full-time. She currently attends on our time (Mon, Tues, and every other Fri) but rides the bus home to an empty apartment when at uBPDbm's. uBPDbm claims she can not get to daycare in time to pick up SD10 so we offered to pick her up and meet uBPDbm whenever she gets out of work (or gym or dates or whatever she is doing at night to not get home until 8pm). It wouldn't cost anything more because we're already paying for the daycare. It minimally impacts uBPDbm and wouldn't take any of the time she actually spends with SD10 away. It benefits SD10 because she is properly supervised and has help with her homework after school.

Well the judge denied the motion, basically stating that the parents can do whatever they want to with the child on their time. I just about cried. It wasn't at all what is in SD10's best interest.

[Thunderstruck]

I'm so disappointed. We have officially tried everything to make sure SD10 isn't home alone and nothing worked.

We brought up a motion in court to have SD10 attend daycare full-time. She currently attends on our time (Mon, Tues, and every other Fri) but rides the bus home to an empty apartment when at uBPDbm's. uBPDbm claims she can not get to daycare in time to pick up SD10 so we offered to pick her up and meet uBPDbm whenever she gets out of work (or gym or dates or whatever she is doing at night to not get home until 8pm). It wouldn't cost anything more because we're already paying for the daycare. It minimally impacts uBPDbm and wouldn't take any of the time she actually spends with SD10 away. It benefits SD10 because she is properly supervised and has help with her homework after school.

Well the judge denied the motion, basically stating that the parents can do whatever they want to with the child on their time. I just about cried. It wasn't at all what is in SD10's best interest.

[mywifecrazy]

That is ridiculous! I wonder if there is a way to appeal that decision? For a judge to say it's OK to leave a 10yr old home alone and unattended when there are options available for that child to be with a responsible adult is SICK!

I would talk to your lawyer and see what options you have. It pisses me off the behaviors of some of these BPD parents. If she doesn't want to be there for her daughter why doesn't she let the daughter stay with her father... .Out of spite? Did I read you correct that BPD Mom can't be at home with her daughter because she may be at the gym or on dates?

Keep fighting the good fight Thunderstruck. Your stepdaughter needs her Dad and stepmom to be a stable and sane safe place for her.

MWC... .

[momtara]

What about getting him into counseling so he can tell an expert he's scared? Or a new judge? Just seems ridiculous.

[Turkish]

What about getting him into counseling so he can tell an expert he's scared? Or a new judge? Just seems ridiculous.

Is she actually scared, though? Is she in any physical danger left on her own like that?

The judge's ruling sounded harsh, but is it following the law in that jurisdiction?

[bravhart1]

You may not like this answer but it will work. Guaranteed. Find out what age in your county a minor May be legally left alone, I promise it will be over ten years old, usually twelve to four teen.

Then when you know your child is there alone, call the police to do a welfare check. Upon discovering the child home alone, which has to now be in a police report, you can ask  for the report to be sent to child welfare agency in your area and for mom to be sanctioned and ordered to put child in appropriate day care. It will work.

[tjay933]

You may not like this answer but it will work. Guaranteed. Find out what age in your county a minor May be legally left alone, I promise it will be over ten years old, usually twelve to four teen.

Then when you know your child is there alone, call the police to do a welfare check. Upon discovering the child home alone, which has to now be in a police report, you can ask  for the report to be sent to child welfare agency in your area and for mom to be sanctioned and ordered to put child in appropriate day care. It will work.

that only works for states where there is an age limit set in stone. we have no age where a child can not be left alone at home unless there is more than one child left. it is up to the discretion of the adults to ensure they have a safe environment regardless of their age. dumb, i know but that's the law here.

[Panda39]

You may not like this answer but it will work. Guaranteed. Find out what age in your county a minor May be legally left alone, I promise it will be over ten years old, usually twelve to four teen.

Then when you know your child is there alone, call the police to do a welfare check. Upon discovering the child home alone, which has to now be in a police report, you can ask  for the report to be sent to child welfare agency in your area and for mom to be sanctioned and ordered to put child in appropriate day care. It will work.

Unfortunately it looks like very few states have a "hard" age limit.

www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

[bravhart1]

That's amazing. I would like to think all states have some defined policy.

I'm not certain as I haven't done any research on it, but it came up in a court case before ours some months ago and in ca the judge said it was twelve years old. Not sure if he's working from old info or the website wasn't accurate but I would investigate it further.

[Turkish]

You may not like this answer but it will work. Guaranteed. Find out what age in your county a minor May be legally left alone, I promise it will be over ten years old, usually twelve to four teen.

Then when you know your child is there alone, call the police to do a welfare check. Upon discovering the child home alone, which has to now be in a police report, you can ask  for the report to be sent to child welfare agency in your area and for mom to be sanctioned and ordered to put child in appropriate day care. It will work.

Unfortunately it looks like very few states have a "hard" age limit.

www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

Wow. So many states have no age limit.

I was the only child of a single mother who worked nights. So she slept most days,.so I was in effect, left home alone from... .about 6 that I can remember? When I was 8, she would lock me out of the house some days. I grew up early, of course. I went through a pyro stage, though, and she awoke to the smell of something burning. I was using her lighter to light stringers on an old chair. She was in the room, and the smell of smoke awoke her... .

Around that time, I was borrowing her matches to start fires in the yard with piles of leaves.

I could take care of myself (food, etc.) but my judgement wasn't the best.  

The above website recommends an age of 12, but to evaluate on a case-by-case basis. Not having someone to supervise that her homework gets done is certainly frustrating, Thunderstruck, but in general, do you think your SD is safe and generally responsible? Does she know to call your home if there is an emergency when her mom might not answer?

[Thunderstruck]

No, SD10 has not been scared. She trusts her mom, which is tough for us when we see her mom making bad decisions.

In our state, there is no minimum age a child can be left alone. It depends upon the maturity of the child. Do I think she's mature enough to be home alone in an emergency? Nope. She has emotional meltdowns when she's under stress. But we've conveyed our concerns to Child Services and they've spoken to uBPDbm and believe her song and dance about SD10 being ok (she claims there's a neighbor watching, she claims SD10 calls her once an hour, she claims SD10 is mature enough, she claims it's only for a few hours. And they believe her because she's the mom and what mom would put their child in danger, right?).

SD10 used to be able to call us if she was home alone and scared and her mom wasn't answering her phone. Her mom cancelled her phone so now there is no way for her to call us. Apparently they use facebook to communicate, and of course uBPDbm won't let SD10 accept our friend requests.

We have a CE that should be wrapping up by the end of the month so we're hoping this will be our opportunity to make the situation better. We're asking for majority time and full decision making. uBPDbm has not masked her behaviors around the CE (who is a PhD psychologist) so I'm cautiously optimistic about these results.

[momtara]

"SD10 used to be able to call us if she was home alone and scared and her mom wasn't answering her phone. Her mom cancelled her phone so now there is no way for her to call us."

This seems to be a big concern then. Can your SD have her own cell when she's there? Still I agree about handling emergencies. A 10 year old does not have the maturity.

Since you have a CE almost wrapping up, that sounds like something to play out, and share your concerns, focusing on the phone and her anxieties and possible emergencies. If you can't say it's against the law, you can show why it's concerning.