How do I move Past

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello.  This is free of mouth speech.

I fee like these words are just that. Words on a screen, but I don't know where else to turn. It starts the same. I met a girl last summer and I played my usual game. ( I'm 21 and she's 20 ) we both go to Mr. Jefferson's University. ~  It was harder than usual, she didn't want to have sex till we were officially a thing. This lasted two weeks of continually hanging out. She was great. She told me about her life and how she had recently overcome an eating disorder. How she found her last boyfriend cheating on her. When we finally did date. Man was it something else. At this point I should mention I am pretty sure I'm a narcissist. She kept telling her father was one and that she didn't like that trait about me. But man. She knew exactly how to stroke my ego and make me feel like the center of the world. Did I mention the sex? At this point in my life. I was a full time weed dealer and stoned off my ass all the time. Now here was this girl who basically loved me in such a state. She started pushing for me to sober up and eventually I had to because my last semester was coming up. During the fall it went something like: happy, fight, sex, happy, fight, sex... .until I finally started denying her sex. At this point she started wanting more sexually everytime and my narcissistic personality kept coming back for more. It was only after a while that I started asking her about the pills she took and why she went to the doctor. She told me it was to get over her eating disorder.  During November we grew apart. I caught her emotionally cheating with another guy. I am not an emotional guy, I gave her just enough and over coming my drug addiction was taking its toll. We moved passed but over break I told her I needed a break. She flipped out, but on new years we made up. This girl was my best friend and I was her best friend. NOW Between the middle of Jan. and Feb. when we broke up talked. Gotten back together. Slept with different people. Rinse repeat. Her therapist finally told her to block me and issue a NC. Two weeks went by and I drunkly called her from a different number crying tell her that I missed everything we had. She came over immediately without asking. It was a miracle. There I am drunk, alone, and crying on my sofa and in she walks. Holding me. cajoling me. She spent the night. No sex.  We walk up that morning and sleep in till 11 or so. We than have the best sex to date.  I ask her to a movie. She reluctantly agrees. We go to this movie. She tells me she likes an older grad student ( 25)... who is also graduating in the spring like me. We fight a little but in the movie she snuggles up to me. ( she paid for the movie, and she drove ). We get back and we fight more in her car but I convince her to come to my apartment. After several hours she starts doing things to me. She goes home afterwards. We go home for spring break. We talk about the possibility of trying something for a couple of days when we get back to school. She agrees. I invite her to come to my house ( 4 hours away ). She DOES! She drives the four hours to my home. 2 minutes after she got here, we had sex, her idea. Again the best sex of my life. We go to a lunch date and talk. We go on a walk. We come back home. We watch netflix and nap together. I tell her I still love her and she tells me she loves me back. We go to a movie where we were snuggly. We come back. I try to initiate sex this time but she doesnt respond. We sleep in separate beds. In the morning we sleep in and we have sex again. I make her breakfast. She tells me she loves me and promises that she'll stop talking to the grad student for at least a week. She leaves. 4 hours later. " WE ARE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER" blocked me again. no contact. I go to her roommate for answers. Turns out she's dating grad student. Telling all of her roommates she likes him ALOT. I don't ___ing understand. She turned my life upside down. How do I get past. Im stuck. My friends think its easy. forget that girl she's crazy... .but how can I. She made me feel like the world and the sex. It doesnt compare to any of the girls since than. she told me she was over me. she didn't want anything with me. she wanted things with the grad student ( who is leaving ) told me it would be easier for her and him to break up... .but I know her. she doesn't just "break up"... .please send guidance if you've gotten this far.


thank you.

[wahoo18]

Hello.  This is free of mouth speech.

I fee like these words are just that. Words on a screen, but I don't know where else to turn. It starts the same. I met a girl last summer and I played my usual game. ( I'm 21 and she's 20 ) we both go to Mr. Jefferson's University. ~  It was harder than usual, she didn't want to have sex till we were officially a thing. This lasted two weeks of continually hanging out. She was great. She told me about her life and how she had recently overcome an eating disorder. How she found her last boyfriend cheating on her. When we finally did date. Man was it something else. At this point I should mention I am pretty sure I'm a narcissist. She kept telling her father was one and that she didn't like that trait about me. But man. She knew exactly how to stroke my ego and make me feel like the center of the world. Did I mention the sex? At this point in my life. I was a full time weed dealer and stoned off my ass all the time. Now here was this girl who basically loved me in such a state. She started pushing for me to sober up and eventually I had to because my last semester was coming up. During the fall it went something like: happy, fight, sex, happy, fight, sex... .until I finally started denying her sex. At this point she started wanting more sexually everytime and my narcissistic personality kept coming back for more. It was only after a while that I started asking her about the pills she took and why she went to the doctor. She told me it was to get over her eating disorder.  During November we grew apart. I caught her emotionally cheating with another guy. I am not an emotional guy, I gave her just enough and over coming my drug addiction was taking its toll. We moved passed but over break I told her I needed a break. She flipped out, but on new years we made up. This girl was my best friend and I was her best friend. NOW Between the middle of Jan. and Feb. when we broke up talked. Gotten back together. Slept with different people. Rinse repeat. Her therapist finally told her to block me and issue a NC. Two weeks went by and I drunkly called her from a different number crying tell her that I missed everything we had. She came over immediately without asking. It was a miracle. There I am drunk, alone, and crying on my sofa and in she walks. Holding me. cajoling me. She spent the night. No sex.  We walk up that morning and sleep in till 11 or so. We than have the best sex to date.  I ask her to a movie. She reluctantly agrees. We go to this movie. She tells me she likes an older grad student ( 25)... who is also graduating in the spring like me. We fight a little but in the movie she snuggles up to me. ( she paid for the movie, and she drove ). We get back and we fight more in her car but I convince her to come to my apartment. After several hours she starts doing things to me. She goes home afterwards. We go home for spring break. We talk about the possibility of trying something for a couple of days when we get back to school. She agrees. I invite her to come to my house ( 4 hours away ). She DOES! She drives the four hours to my home. 2 minutes after she got here, we had sex, her idea. Again the best sex of my life. We go to a lunch date and talk. We go on a walk. We come back home. We watch netflix and nap together. I tell her I still love her and she tells me she loves me back. We go to a movie where we were snuggly. We come back. I try to initiate sex this time but she doesnt respond. We sleep in separate beds. In the morning we sleep in and we have sex again. I make her breakfast. She tells me she loves me and promises that she'll stop talking to the grad student for at least a week. She leaves. 4 hours later. " WE ARE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER" blocked me again. no contact. I go to her roommate for answers. Turns out she's dating grad student. Telling all of her roommates she likes him ALOT. I don't ___ing understand. She turned my life upside down. How do I get past. Im stuck. My friends think its easy. forget that girl she's crazy... .but how can I. She made me feel like the world and the sex. It doesnt compare to any of the girls since than. she told me she was over me. she didn't want anything with me. she wanted things with the grad student ( who is leaving ) told me it would be easier for her and him to break up... .but I know her. she doesn't just "break up"... .please send guidance if you've gotten this far.


thank you.

[NGU]

Wahoo: This is essentially the same post you wrote in the ":)etaching from the Wounds" section. While the post here does add a little extra detail, you're getting more responses over there.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273059.0