Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
May 02, 2024, 08:02:09 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Wow. The first time we can talk feelings.  (Read 417 times)
Chosen
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1479



« on: December 16, 2013, 10:05:57 PM »

Things have been going well lately, and last weekend I think we've had a bit of breakthrough!  (my H is undiagnosed and definitely high-functioning, by the way)

First, that day was the first time I lost my temper and he was happy with it, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  We went to estate agent because we're thinking of moving, and at the end the agent said some really nasty stuff, trying to get us to sign the papers.  H didn't want to sign, but the agent kept on pushing, even going as far to personally attacking us (saying if we refuse to sign, our intentions of checking out the apartments are suspicious and he doesn't know what we're up to).  I got really a angry and basically said that he is really rude and shouldn't attack us, etc.  My H told me afterwards that it's the first time he thinks it's right that I lost my temper, because he knew I was protecting him.

Then later that night, we talked for a few HOURS in bed, not him lecturing me or anything, but sharing a lot about how he feels about life in general, about work, family, and also told me his insecurities.  I think it's the first time he opened up himself enough and he knows I'll not judge him for being "weak" or vulnerable.  Of course, I remembered to validate as well, so that was good for me 
Logged

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 06:41:59 AM »

Sounds like things are evolving nicely for you.

Once you can eliminate a lot of unneccessary conflict the defenses start to drop and you can have "real" sharing conversations.

Good to feel like a team again.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
briefcase
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married 18 years, together 20 years, still living together
Posts: 2150



« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2013, 03:01:53 PM »

Sounds like a really positive development!  Thank you for sharing it with us. 

Sounds like you need a new real estate agent.   Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!