I still think about my ex frequently, mainly, "How could she do that to our family?" Like everyone else here, I've realized clearly that my life is much better off without her destructive tendencies. I don't want her back, I don't want anything to do with her. But the betrayal still stings at times and I'm not sure why. It's been about 3 years now.
For me, the answer I ultimately came to is that it's okay to love someone that did something horrible to you. Throughout the breakup, I was kind and patient...and so many would call that weakness. But it's okay to actually be the bigger person and show kindness to someone mentally ill. Heck, if everyone did it, the world would be a much better place. So I don't think it's wrong to question the past at times and wonder about where things went sideways.
I think our relationships are similar, from the posts of yours that I have read, and yes the “how can she do that to our family” is a big question that goes round and around in our heads. Particularly with my ex’s choice of new partner, their addictions, the fact that in 6 months time, all going well, she is going to be a grandmother yet her family won’t visit her because of her partner. For me, the answer I ultimately came to is that it's okay to love someone that did something horrible to you. Throughout the breakup, I was kind and patient...and so many would call that weakness. But it's okay to actually be the bigger person and show kindness to someone mentally ill. Heck, if everyone did it, the world would be a much better place. So I don't think it's wrong to question the past at times and wonder about where things went sideways.
But I think the biggest thing is the betrayal. I expect most of us gave everything of ourselves to our bpd partners, and it feels so unjust that we are betrayed the way we were. A lot of us were more than likely accused of betraying them, of cheating on them, of many things that we didn’t do yet they would torment themselves with the thought that we had done, or were capable of doing that to them, and then go and do exactly that to us. That is what does for me, the how could you?


