I believe that that is the BPD, the extreme control in whatever they can control, because she wants the kids to need her so they don't abandon her.

That's a great way to put it. I often thought it was like being with someone who has that medical condition where they can't hold a memory for long and have to constantly re-learn everything.

The sheer illogicality of BPD was the biggest problem; nothing ran 'normally' as you'd expect it to - ie if you're nice to them then they're bound to be nice back to you. If I could turn the clock back I'd still meet her... but knowing what I know now I woudn't have kept chasing her for four years; her first BPD outburst after a few weeks would have been the last.

Funnily enough, I still have a feeling that I will meet her again in person though.. and when I get feelings like that they often come true. I still have a mental picture of her aged 32, when I last saw her. She'll be 70 next year!

From what I experienced, the slate is always cleaned at every turn.

yet again, yes! I’ve had the I have to walk on eggshells around you comment thrown at me. Me, the person that she says is so laid back if I was any more laid back I would be horizontal. The person she accuses of not caring when she just confuses that with emotional security. The person that never had a go at her about her behaviour. Never used to twist her words out of proportion.

I could t behave the way she does if I tried. I know this, because I tried. So in retrospect it is probably just as difficult for the disordered person to act in an acceptable manner.

Her BPD first appeared her freshman year of college when she had relationship issues with her roommate's and had to move several times as she could not seem to get along with anyone. It was always the other persons problem. She was her best self fall of her sophomore year as she was happy with a boyfriend, and studying hard that she could transfer to his school in the spring. But when spring rolled around, they broke up and that’s what sent her off into her first BPD spiral.  She quit going to class she was drinking every day started taking drugs. She would call and scream in a rage I have never witnessed. She managed to finish this semester, but we brought her home that summer so we could keep an eye on her and try to get her some professional help.  The week before her junior year started, she went through another break up and that’s what sent her over the edge.  She took a huge handful of Tylenol while we were on vacation with our extended family. We rushed her to the hospital and spent the next five days in a hotel of the while they pumped her stomach and checked her into the Pysch ward.. We debated allowing her to return to school that fall, but the psychiatrist said it would be OK as long as she attended regular therapy sessions, checked in daily, etc. So we decided I would stay with her for the first week to make sure she was OK to stay. The second night I was there she was ready for me to leave so she decided to call the cops on me. fortunately, once I explained to the police why I was there they allowed me to stay, but I ended up leaving the next day.  It only got worse from there.  We would visit her and take her out to a nice dinner and she would claim that we said something negative about her, and abruptly leave dinner and tell us to leave .  After that, we started receiving hateful texts or phone calls out of the blue to start a fight, usually in the middle of the night. Then the risky behaviors started one after another, basically all of the choices you would never want your child to make.  Of course, we bailed her out every time.  She started cutting family and friends out of her life - anyone that she disagrees with or feels they’ve somehow wronged her in some distorted way.  Fast forward to this fall.  A few weeks ago, we came in town for the college homecoming weekend. It was to be her last one as she’s a senior.  We had planned this for months with another family. The morning of the homecoming weekend she called and started a fight with us and told us not to come.  She didn’t want us there and threatened to harm herself.  Of course we came anyway, and went to all the planned activities that we had purchased tickets for,  but she would not join us at any of the events. We didn’t know how to explain to the other family except for that she just wasn’t feeling well.  We tried to stop by her apartment on our way out of town to help jumpstart her car and she flipped us a bird and told us to get the F out of there.  The following week she announced to us that she was not going to come to Thanksgiving.  I thought for sure she was bluffing.  But she wasn’t. And that’s when it really hit me. I feel like I’m losing my daughter. I totally felt your pain when you were talking about what to tell people because I saw a lot of friends and family over the holiday and they all asked about both of my children and when they were coming home. I immediately got emotional and overshared a few times.  I’m in survival mode and can’t control it.  Now I am feeling extreme guilt and shame for sharing/exposing our family drama.  So I scheduled my first therapy session yesterday, but I didn’t feel like it was useful. I  told her the same sad stories I already knew with no feedback.  I am hoping this group will help serve that purpose. Love to all.

why do you believe this?