I know that i have a particularly high threshold when it comes to being abused which is not a good thing at all. But it does tend to skew my view and downplay how bad things can get at times. He definitely does have bpd, no question. I am trying to figure out  just how bad his is. What kind of abuse did ya'll put up with?
He was still calling and texting at first and then just fully disappeared which is also probably for the best but I can't help but feel angry that he could just cut me out of his life like that. That he could delete every single thing we shared together. Is it all just because it hurts him too much? Or is it because he has decided that if am a monster?

Yes, there were frequent breakups but always initiated by her. First time was only after a few weeks, when she just walked right past me as I was waiting for her for a night out. That came as quite a shock, especially as I'd never heard of BPD before. I put it down to moodiness and insecurity.

Turned out she'd had a bad day at work, decided I wouldn't be happy with that for some reason so she breaks up with me before, in her mind, I break up with her. That's how a BPD mind can work - seeing things which just aren't there. We were broke up for a few months, though she still came into the pub to make sure I could see she was there. Premeditation, she knew exactly what she was doing.

After me chasing her and us getting back together, that was just one of many meltdowns by her for various reasons, none of them being my fault. Argument with her mother? Break up with me. Getting beat at pool? Break up with me. I talk to the barmaid for too long in her opinion? Break up with me. I'm sure you've experienced similar.

4 years of this but her last meltdown was the one that made me call it quits and I never contacted her again. She was worse than ever, saying the most ridiculous things and she seemed close to getting violent which I'd never seen before. Maybe I was finally seeing the true person and it wasn't something I was prepared to continue with, not matter how much I still cared for her.

Did you guys ever break up?  If so, for how long?  It was also my birthday recently and she did not text me to wish me a happy birthday.

Sometimes they just 'switch off'; there's doesn't have to be arguments or a big meltdown, they just simply act as if they've never known you. My ex would simply close off at times and I never knew whether she was genuinely doing it as a result of her illness or if she was just playing some premeditated game. I suspect a bit of both.

I wish we could offer definite advice like 'if you do X then it will result in Y' but with BPD it's impossible. They never know how their emotions are going to run at any given moment so how can we ever know and take the right action?

I never knew if my ex was even going to turn up most of the time or whether something had happened at her work or family that day which she would blame me for and not turn up. She would break up with me and threaten to see other guys if she lost a game of pool (which she was brilliant at but a very bad loser made worse by her BPD).

The thing is, I’ve given her many opportunities over the last two months to come to the table and work things out and she hasn’t agreed to thus far.  She’s such a confusing person.  If she has met someone new I think it’s within the last week, so very recently. 

She was cold and indifferent because...well, you already know why.  She told your family member directly.  She walked away so you'd chase her, and when you didn't it hurt her feelings.

But then it gets complicated.  After waiting for you to chase her, she probably started looking for other options as well.  That's a very BPD thing to do.  You already mentioned she was "sexting" another guy so it's not that big of a stretch to put two and two together.

Even if that's the case though, it doesn't mean it's over for good.  It means she's distracting herself until she becomes convinced that walking away was the right thing to do.  That could change in time as well and she could reach out.  You already know this part though; it's unpredictable with the timelines.

Let's say she calls tomorrow though, she comes over, and you see on her phone that she's still sexting another person.  Then what?  I think you'd be better off preparing for that and where your morals stand than if she'll reach out at all.  Because if you take her back but she's still being unfaithful, then what's the point?

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About a year.  The thing that worries me is that she seemed not upset or emotional,  just apathetic, indifferent disinterested in talking to me and just left me on read when I told her I’d like to see her in person to talk.

Thanks for the reply.  My ex is more quiet BPD, normally she’s been more emotional with me and expressed anger, but the last time we spoke it just felt cold and indifferent to me like I was nothin.  I asked if we could meet and talk face to face and she left me on read.  This was a whole week ago.  She hasn’t said anything since.  I’m just scared she’s completely done with me and we will never have another opportunity to work things out.

Ahh so sorry I did not realize this qualifier. Please disregard my query.

Hello.

My girlfriend who I have not heard from for 3 months told me early on that she had been institutionalized and diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago at the time of her divorce. I did not know how severe BPD was and shortly thereafter she told me about her father; that he was an often abusive alcoholic who sometimes never came home or brought his friends with him when he did and they drank and banged on the kitchen table all with long....scaring "me."

I subsequently researched daughters of alcoholic fathers and was astounded at the damage that a young female can undergo. It is important to also say she was likely a mistake as her next oldest sister was 9 at the time girlfriend (Margo) was born and also that she had told me her fatter was her "best friend."

So 3 months ago we were on our way to clean out her mother's house that had been sold. Her mother is 94 and in a nursing home and Margo is/was the executor of her will and deed.

Margo had recently purchased a newly built home which was a disaster. Margo is in her 60s and the driveway is 1/4 mile long and unpaved, a dirt road in a snow belt.The house itself is smaller than her incredibly beautiful condo located in a downtown ski resort. The garage is 25 yards from the house and it is a fire trap with unsealed but insulated walls and ceilings, in violation of ALL national codes.

On the way out the door to clean out mom's house she mentioned that she was worried her condo would not sell and she would not be able to fulfill the contract on her new home. I told that it had only been on the market for a week and not to worry it will be the first to sell as it is so beautiful and located in a PRIMO spot. And...I said' "Margo if the deal falls through, which it won't, I am not sure that house is right for you and I have some other ideas we can talk about later."

About an hour into our trip to her mom's she got agitated in the car about our upcoming vacation. I soothed her best I could by telling her I would gladly pay for the entire airfare. when we left my house I had given her a check for $200 which I owed her for the vacation.

We got close to her mom's house and went to a restaurant. I could tell by her face something was wrong but didn't know what to do except act nice and natural. We had dinner and she had 2 large glasses of wine and I was a little worried as she started to say things like she was going to change her last name to something bizarre. Suddenly she stood up over me and pointed down at me and said/screamed...."Nobody owns me for $200. All you Italians think you can own women. I am an independent woman and you can go ________ yourself."

It got much worse and lasted 30 to 45 minutes before I was able to get away from her. I had to take her phone when I was able to run because she would have likely called the police with some fabricated charge. Honestly, she had completely dissociated and was near "psychotic" in that she tried to run me down with her car.

I have sought and been in therapy and placed on Lexapro for last 2+ months and am doing well. I have read and continued to read about BPD and am confused as to no contact. I have thoughts and desires to reconnect. I want to completely heal and without that know I never will. I also have just in last few days become very angry at her which I never was.

Therapist goes just so far. She is a pHD and will not take on Borderlines anymore and simply says Margo is dangerous as she is so broken. Forget her.

OK. So that is good advice but I can't follow it. I am not afraid of Margo. I can handle anything she may throw at me. Can I reconnect and how?

Thanks