Reconnecting can still be low contact. How do you plan to do so? Having a third party make the initial contact and with you if you intend to see her in person, could be safer and less stressful. People with BPD tend to behave better with other people whom they are not so invested in projecting their overwhelming emotions on.

I have a disordered sibling. I have a relative who helped set up a visit and went with me. It made a world of difference.

This makes a lot of sense.  I think what I"m most afraid of is that she'll be angry and I'll get a million nasty texts, calls, emails.I'll lose it and won't be able to function -- and I have a job to do and people I don't want to worry about me.

And I'm afraid that she'll cry and be sad. 

What specifically are you anxious about?

I understand how you feel and I've been there, but still...try to answer the question.  This helped me get rid of the anxiety.

You might say, I'm worried about what my sibling might say or do.  I'm worried about what they might tell others.  I'm worried it will all be a disaster if I go through with this.

All valid points.  But not a single one of those things are within your control.  You can't prepare for them and you'll have to make a decision once you're there- do you try to work through it or leave? 

That's what you can control and what you can prepare for.  If it gets ugly, walk away.  Then it's not ugly anymore.  If your phone blows up, turn it off and go back to temporary no-contact.  Then that's not ugly anymore either.  Prepare for and focus on the parts that you can actually control.

Again, I completely understand since I spent too many years of my life doing the exact same thing.  Once I shifted my focus though and thought about what I'm actually in control of, how I'll handle things, it put the power back in my hands to accept or reject the abusive behavior.

I took some time for myself and now I’m getting ready to reconnect with my sibling (ubpd).  I can’t believe how my anxiety has shot up — and now it’s gotten into a darned if you do, darned if you don’t thing. I’m
Anxious whatever I think of doing. Thinking a lot about NotWendy’s analogy of fearing the bear in the cave. I think I’m going to text and say I’d like to check in and ask to set a time to do that. But I won’t do anything until this anxiety subsides some!

HI!  Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in   my daughter was diagnosed 5 years ago....the quick version is, we went through a rough year (I sound nonchalant about it, but it has been so long); I researched BPD, went to NAMI, read the books she suggested (I DO agree "Walking On Eggshells" in helpful; I stayed her apartment, whenever, she asked, hid her pills & knives, like she asked...her moods would (as predicted) change like the wind....long story short, nearly 4 years ago, she told me I was enabling her (facetious comment:  doing the things she asked me to do) and stated she would "reach out when she is ready", over these 4 years, she would text whenever she needed something, or respond to (I learned to use very brief texts, i.e. Merry Christmas) or respond to gifts I mailed to her; as of this writing, she is not responding to any texts....I always feel like the "other shoe is going to drop", because 3 years ago, she stated "I did not try hard enough to contact her"; there have been so many hurtful things that have been said and accusations, that I would need to use this entire page!  She cut off ties with her father, sister & 4 beautiful nieces....at this time, I am just laying low, with the mindset, when or if she is ready she will reach out, though, I never, in a million years, imagined it would be THIS long....I miss my daughter very much, however, not the cruelty....I guess my only advice is: stay strong, never doubt yourself (b/c this is a nasty disease), I would research and patience is the key; and the others in this group are ROCK stars with amazing advice....please reach out, if you like!

All of these are possible. I assume that if the behaviors and concerns are serious enough that the child needs residential treatment- they must be looking at all possibilities.

I think a question is-  are there any parents whose children have been given this diagnosis during the teen years (or younger) and did it make any difference in the treatment they received?

Does the actual diagnosis of BPD need to be on the chart for the person to get help? I've seen this in other posts, where the poster is concerned that without this, the person isn't getting the right treatment.

There isn't a specific medicine for BPD, or a test, like an X ray or blood test for it, or a treatment that is only for BPD. Even DBT is used in more than one issue. Or, the person is too young and they don't want to prematurely use that diagnosis- as they haven't fully grown up yet.

There's also the concern that the initial diagnosis of something else, like bipolar, was wrong, that there was harm done by not having "BPD" as the reason, but it's also possible that this is what they thought then, and over time, the situation was clearer.

But regardless of what was diagnosed- they are getting therapy, they are under mental health care, the various issues are being looked at- and that this is the kind of help they need, so it's possible they are on track with what is a process over time.

One question this mother can ask her child's therapist is- what are they doing therapy wise to address the possible BPD? They may have other associated diagnoses on the chart but still are aware of this in therapy.

There are some really key differences between Bipolar Disorder and BPD. Bipolar Disorder requires long periods of depression and/or high moods or both, like weeks and months of one or the other. BPD has shorter more fluctuating periods, like sometimes a shift in mood from one hour to the next.

There's also instances of just really hard-headed, rebellious kids who don't want to be told what to do.  Mental illness is not a direct factor in many of these cases; it's simply abused, neglected, or ignogred teens lashing out at the world.

Could it look like BPD or bipolar?  Sure.  But it makes more sense to see if they grow out of it as they mature and have different experiences in the world.

Possibly, but there could also be another reason. The two conditions have similarities in behavior.

There is a childhood form of bipolar but not BPD. It seems that many times a young person is diagnosed with bipolar, then later it's revised?
There's medication for bipolar but not a specific one for BPD.

Sometimes it is hard to tell between the two. I think it makes sense they'd try the bipolar medicine first, as it would likely help a person with bipolar. It would be worse if the person actually had bipolar and didn't get medicine because it was diagnosed as BPD.

Unfortunately Bipolar Disorder is commonly diagnosed instead of BPD because insurance companies will pay for Bipolar Disorder treatment and not for a diagnosis of any kind of personality disorder.