but she put white hearth on all my txt. it doesnt mean she wants to close it between us. if she really want to close she say dont txt me or block me but she didnt do it. or maybe i just overthink

She isnt diagnosed but show a lot of signs of Quet bpd. Rn she is very cold and distant with me, she just seen my text or put a white hearth on it. I sent her a text to thank for the past 2 month idk what to do or what is it. I want it to work out. We are not together rn, we just talked met etc but idk why she doing this rn. I didnt wanted to hurt her

Hi. Is she diagnosed bpd?

What she want and how long will it take is an impossible question for us to answer. If she has bpd then her emotional thinking isn’t the same as a healthy persons, love and logic don’t really go hand in hand at the best of times, let alone with someone that is as dysregulated as a pwBPD.

What you need to do? You need to work out if a relationship with someone that has bpd is a relationship you really want. You met her only 2 months ago, which in the grand scheme of things is very little time, and what she has shown you is a behaviour pattern that will likely repeat through any relationship you have with her.

As it has only been a short period since the relationship started, what you have experienced thus far is the ‘honeymoon’ period of a relationship, where your dopamine levels are elevated and your judgement of her and the relationship are clouded. This is where the saying love is blind comes from, because you are blind to any red flags or unsavoury behaviour traits the person you are romantically involved with may have.

Are you doing good? Well, if you are not harassing or pressuring her into a relationship then yes, that is the best thing to do. If she has decided that she doesn’t want a relationship with you, no amount of begging and pleading will make her turn around and so oh ok then, if anything it is likely to push her further away We aren’t capable of making people feel things we want them to feel, even less so a pwBPD.. All you can do is nothing. Give her the breakup, if that is what she wants. I would even go as far as saying I would stop contacting her together. It’s difficult, it does seem counter productive, but from experience the relationships I’ve had where I have been broken up with, stopping contact has lead to a romantic partner reaching out. Can take weeks, months, years even and there is no guarantee but generally if you chase they will run away.

Hello!
I met a girl, 2 month ago. She got Bpd and Bipolar 2 i think. Our relationship was slowly building and improving. I enjoyed every minute with her. I did some wrong thing, nothing big but it activated one of her trauma. I said sorry etc she said she isnt angry.Her bipolar got a long depressed pahase and started to get into hypnomania.But 2 days ago she got a split and devalute on me she shaid: she tought first im a bf material but im not, i lost her trust her heart, she cant build relationship with me etc. After this we didn't talked for 5 hour. Now i texting her not often like goodnight, goodmornint i hope you okay but not spamming her. She just seen or put a white hearth on my text. But she didnt do anything to close this between us like: stop texting me or block me. What she want and how long is it take? Im doing good or what i need to do?

You're getting good advice in this thread. Let me add what I hope is a little more.

For starters, you have to understand that any mentally or emotionally ill person is, by definition, self-centered. I don't mean that necessarily in an evil or villainous way. I mean that their needs take the primary focus in their lives. They are driven by a universe of needs. They exist for them.

Someone with BPD (or anxiety, CPTSD, etc.) is even more so because invariably they suck other people into their confused and malignant universe. Some do it less than others -- the so-called quiet ones. Some realize the depth of their illness and withdraw. But even they pull someone into their orbit eventually. It's the nature of their illness.

As others have pointed out, trying to find a rational explanation for their behavior is next to impossible. Their behavior may or may not make sense to them, but that doesn't matter because -- and this is the important part -- none of that stops them. They act first, think later, even when they plot. They don't stop to ask if they should stop, at least not in a way meaningful enough they might actually do it. Or not do it.

So, when your ex calls or texts you out of the blue, it's an irresistible impulse, not a rational choice. If you think of it in any other way, you'll only suffer. You'll think it's because they love you or care about you or are just thinking about you in a way that a healthy person does. It's not. It's the irresistible impulse.

That's not to say they can't love or care about you, to the limited degree they're capable. There is lots of debate about that, but I think it's pretty clear they're too consumed by their own self-centeredness to really love or care enough about anyone else to control their irresistible impulses. But you see, that's the trap. A rational person who can control themselves always imagines the other person can, too, and with someone with BPD (or anxiety, CPTSD, etc.), that's just not true.

So, you must not think of the call or text as a kind of lifeline tossed out to you by someone who is struggling to be healthy and only wants the best for you. It's not. They're not. They're simply caught up in a moment that will change to yet another in the blink of an eye. It's not in their control, and it's not in yours. Your best bet is to stay NC and stay sane.

Awesome! That in itself is reassuring so that I don't let myself fall back into deep depression and become non-productive. I am also a nurse. It does lead to feeling burn out. I love my job and my family!

I always thought that I expressed love. I hope my child finds the fight within her for herself and does not waste time hating the world for not being like her.

Yes! No matter which way it goes, she has to find her own way. I realize that I cannot beat myself up over it because I will not have ANYTHING to offer anyone. I love life even with it's ups and downs. I don't want to let myself down by giving up on myself. What kind of inspiration would that be? Is that selfish of me?

WOW! Yes, my heart hurts and I come across as weak. I am just tired... Fighting is a waste of time. I have felt like they want to force me to believe that I cannot accept that they are different expecting me to not be yourself either. It feels like because I don't want to fight, she insists that I want to fight. I am exhausted!

YES, it does! I remember myself feeling so lost and when I share that, it comes back as,"Well you don't understand what we (trannies) have to face". They refuse to acknowledge the calculations of a person giving and sharing to depletion. Then what? Where to when there is nothing left to share because I am human and I run out of steam for myself?