very good advice and observations in this thread from Wendy and Pete.
Adding my own experience with my uBPDw. When I heard her suggest "open relationship" for the first time I was in shock, and left wondering what went so wrong in our two decade plus marriage. The reason she gave for this suggestion was that she did not feel fulfilled and wanted freedom to explore. Little did I know that she had already crossed the monogamy boundary and was secretly having an affair when she said this.
So the "suggestion" was not really an "ask", rather it was her way of "hinting" to me that she is already acting in a manner of treating our relationship as open.
It took me several months to put this in context, as the affair was hidden for a long time. Anything important in our relationship has always been conveyed in "hints" never in direct talk.




