Hi is all of this real,
Welcome to bpd family. I’ve been on and off this forum for five years. But of history I’m in a lesbian marriage with four young children. My wife was diagnosed bpd before we met but denies she still has symptoms. She incredibly stole me from a 15 year relationship where I had emigrated to the other side of the world. I wasn’t happy with him either but fact is I didn’t want to leave him but I was so drawn and addicted to her. We have been together 12 years and married for 8. It’s certainly been a rollercoaster. But with the support of members on here I have managed to single-handedly improve things to the point where my wife presents as sane most of the time and our children seem emotionally stable and happy. There are problems like her not allowing my Mum to see them which is heart-breaking. You can message me if you like. Honestly I can only think of three members on here who had a functional successful relationship with their pwbpd, most were either looking for advice or permanently split, but I haven’t met many of the newer members. Good luck and definitely read “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” it’s the best book I read.

yes this is the second time we broke up. im no where near as bad as I was the first time due to more understanding leading to a higher level of acceptance.

I think it is very hard to make sense of these simultaneous realities and I'm not sure that we really have to.  We need to be able to accept that two (or more) things can be true at once -- as dialectical behavior therapy teaches us -- but that's not the same as making sense of it.  If we can make sense of it (which I guess comes with understanding more about the disease), all the better, but acceptance (not being happy about it but just radically knowing it to be true) is the key.  Or so it seems to me. 

We have had to have to police out to her once for suicide threats she told them avc paramedics that she was going to give herself and her dog pills, they wanted to take her for inpatient care.but she refused to go and they was that. I've updated her doctors surgery that she is self harming so they document.it in her records and nobody can accuse us of not doing anything to help her. I'm trying to convince my brother who lives near her to reduce his visits to at most once a week to stop her being mentally cruel to him.

I was with mine 5 years then split up. she discarded me and dissapered, I didnt know what bpd was at the time 

•   How does it show up for you at this point?

impossible to deal with. all I can think of is fixing it and getting her back, I was relentless. trying to give the perfect timings and perfect menages to achieve my goal.learning everything I can about bpd

   •   Does it feel steady, stop-start, or something else?

total inability to detach, starting to feel I was the one with a disorder

   •   What part of it has been hardest to sit with so far?

the confusion to why I was left

we eventually got back together after 6 month. after that we were together a further 6 month and it ended with me leaving after her being seriously violent to me.evicted b y the police. this time I was well educated with bpd and don't feel confused like I did last time.


 How does it show up for you at this point?

it feels like before like an addiction withdrawal. but no where near as intense. its expected. but the urge to reach out even after violence is strong

   •   Does it feel steady, stop-start, or something else?

it comes in waves. sometimes stronger sometimes weaker

   •   What part of it has been hardest to sit with so far?

the fact that even after a second chance and with knowledge of bpd, we still couldn't make it work. and the current but maybe incorrect befit that I won't ever have a connection like that again. that the love of my life is too emotionally and physically unsafe to be with. also realising my mental health has been severely impacted during the whole ordeal

Thanks for your message, I hope you find peace again

Thanks for your message, I hope you find peace again

js friend....thank you!  well....my boundary attempt has been:  Mondays I text her:  these are days I am available....fill in blanks; she has a newborn, so, I never mind picking the kids up/dropping off....it is just the back and forth with the plans or telling me at the last minute they are NOT going, etc.  basically, she is just rude....is it BPD? who knows....I really would just like to have as little to do with her as possible.  I am going to try the relaxed (I admit, I am an anxious person, so, this lack of planning does not work for me!) approach & wait for her to ask me (than, I think of the things the kids like to do on the weekends & I feel bad, sigh) (I suppose I should remember, they DO have another grandmother! (HER mother!)

CC43!  You always have such good advice!  Well...I should clarify (it sure sounds like it is...she is not related to me, a tinge!) my son (who does not even see his daughter) (this family is a hoot!) is father to ONE child, the 10 year old...so, basically, I just love all 4 of them, like they ARE related to me (I really dislike the mom & tolerate her to see the kids) (she is NOT married, (no judgement, just stating a fact, 4 dads) I will really try all of your valuable suggestions....I DO cave when it is the kids!  Just seeing her phone number makes my heart pound

Hi Brother

I am also an older successful guy who was with a way younger girl with bpd, we had a 17 year age gap.

I have been with mine for 6 years with one major break of 6 months.

It doesn't get any better from my experience. I have been very emotionally devastated in that time and also reacted the way you did a few times which is nothing like the man I used to be. toxic people can bring out the worst in us.

In the end I was violently assaulted and I then realised if thing continued to get worse my life would be in danger. so now im starting a healing journey to detach as I still after everything feel a strong urge to try and get back with her.

what is it that you want to do here, are you wanting to detach or are you still feeling you want her back?