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Hi there,
My parents aren't disordered, but they would drive me bonkers when they visited with me. For starters, they'd give me only a few days' notice, not really co-ordinating with me. I'd try to accommodate as best as I could, but I couldn't easily take time off work, especially at such short notice. Since they are old-fashioned, they seemed unwilling to understand that a woman might have job responsibilities; they generally assumed that I was available to be a hostess at their convenience. Then they insisted on bringing their dog, even though I asked them not to (I'm allergic), and they could have found another solution, like boarding or letting the dog stay at my sibling's place one town over. My parents would point out every defect in my home, thinking they were being helpful, when it felt like constant complaints and/or criticism. My dad would insist on having the TV on all day, blaring like a siren in an open-plan house, whereas I never turn on the TV until after dinner. I had a hard time taking work calls, and I struggled to get my work done. At night, my dad's snoring would disturb my sleep. In short, my parents demanded my full service, my undivided attention, my servitude, much like when I was a little girl. (I probably have oldest-girl syndrome.)
One day when staying at my house, my dad asked me for towels, and I gave him my brand new monogrammed set which was a gift. He proceeded to clean his car's wheels with them. Apparently the clean state of my car had inspired him to clean his own car. But what he meant was rags, not towels. I had forgotten to clarify with him the intended use of the towels, so it was my fault they were ruined. Apparently my dad forgot the word for rags. Anyway, what's undeniable is that when my parents aren't in their own home, they feel and act a little off--their routines are disrupted, the travel is hard on them, and they do a lot of things that seem out of character. My dad literally climbed my bookshelves, because he didn't know if I had a stepstool (I do), and he wanted to see a book on the top shelf (he hadn't read an actual book in years). He had a tendency to break my furniture, because he was in unfamiliar territory, just too excitable, and maybe a bit clumsy and bored.
My point is, hosting even well-meaning and loving parents can be a huge strain. Like you, I can probably take only two or three days, the equivalent of a long weekend. Three days feels like an eternity if there are no activities or scheduled events. If there are no concrete plans, I'll usually try to manufacture something: a trip antiquing, a museum visit, at least one brunch or dinner out. Of course, all that is subject to parental mobility and health issues, but I think you get the idea. Any longer-term stay deserves a hotel in my opinion. When I've visited my parents, I've stayed in a hotel on occassion--it's easier on them and me. The excuse is that there aren't enough bedrooms when multiple family members visit. Having a hotel is a perfect excuse to give the host(s) a break, too (Why don't we dine out or at the hotel tonight, wouldn't that be fun?).
I think you can set a boundary. With BPD, it's best to frame a boundary as a benefit to your mother if you can. You could say something like, We love to have you, but school nights are really chaotic these days, with all the after-school activities and pick-ups, homework that has to get done, and music practice in the evenings. I really think you would be more comfortable if you could have a quiet place to yourself in a nearby hotel, at least on school nights. And then I don't have to worry so much about disturbing or overwhelming you. In other words, if you set some boundaries about your mother's stay that supposedly are for your mother's benefit, you might reduce the possibility of making her feel unwelcome. Your sanity and calm might be worth a few bucks at a hotel.
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