Hi Karmakat23
Thank you for posting. I am going through a very rough patch myself at the moment and your post reminded me that there are others who are in a similar situation – exhausted from years of crises and supporting, ‘being there’ when no one else was – and then being the one who is blamed and lied about while all this support is taken for granted.
Perhaps you are not gong 10 steps back. Perhaps it’s a fork in the road. Someone with BPD has a fragile sense of self – but when you are the person who supports them, you tend to lose your own self in their needs and crises. Along the journey we are given many options, and I know that I have tended to always choose to support my BPD child, and especially when the next generation child comes on the scene.
You are not in a situation of options from what I read. Your DD has cut off contact, has denied you access to your grandchild. Now your mother says you ‘have to accept’ her decision in relation to your DD.
We feel so devastated and devalued when all this happens. It is hard to carry the pain of it all. But it is also an opportunity. I may be wrong but I feel my DD has, in the past, been somewhat empowered by my pain – a pain she has caused. When I realised this I taught myself to stop myself from falling into depression etc but to see it as an opportunity to nurture and find myself that had been submerged in responding to my DD’s needs.
I am not expressing myself very well. I think what I am trying to say is that you have given now for decades – you have been selfless and loving, and without any gratitude or recognition.
I feel like I will have to grieve my mother and move on because the wreckage is just to much.
I think yes, listen to your feelings and your insight. You have the right to grieve, but you also have the right to acknowledge to yourself all that you have done. Sometimes it is a good idea to write all these things down and read them to yourself when you are feeling low. It is a way of remembering that you have done all that is possible to do and you have loved your child in every way possible.
If you can spend a short time each day just appreciating yourself and the gift of your life I think it is helpful.
Thanks again for posting.



