He said he prayed, and prayed to god, and god told him not to stay married to me... I asked him if he was cheating on me again, like 3 times, and he said no. There's only men up there (huh?).
The days of god speaking to people ended in the days of Jesus and the apostles. Back then the christian congregation was just starting. But today, the aid we get is more indirect.
Frankly, infidelity is basis historically to end a marriage. The other mate can decide to forgive or, if not, then the marriage can end.
Meanwhile, we have a house and mortgage to pay for, our 22-year-old daughter still lives with us and needs support because she is going to community college, and we have a 10-year-old and three dogs... He is an alcoholic, but has been sober for 3 years, smokes cigarettes heavily, and smokes marijuana heavily.
I was watching an interview by Tucker Carlson in the past week where the doctor stated there is clear physical damage to brains of those using/abusing marijuana. People with BPD traits (pwBPD) resist help from those closest to them, it's part of the disorder. What that means is that you can't fix him. In general terms the most you can do is support recovery but only if he seeks to recover.
Is he sending back part of his paycheck for the family's expenses?
I know it is my fault for not trying to find out what he needed, it's my fault for hurting him.
Stop. No, it is not your fault. None of us are perfect. You did try for all these years. You may have some degree of "fault" but compare that to the "fault" he has caused and continues causing. If you were on teeter totters like in a children's playground, wouldn't it be a hugely lopsided result? So stop letting him guilt you overmuch.


