Think about this this way. 

Did a technician look at her trees?  Yes.

Did the technician laugh at something?  I would assume yes.

Did your mom cry?  I would assume yes there as well.  But remember, she wasn't upset or agitated when they left.  So she cried later thinking back on it.

Did the technician make her cry?  Now you're asking a question that depends on perspective.  Your mom said yes, the technician said no.  I'd bet a dollar that both are telling the truth.  Why?  How?  Maybe something the technician said made her cry in hindsight...maybe the tree made her think of your dad, or a dog she had when she was 10.  Who knows what the connection was in this instance.  He could have said something completely normal though and it could have made her cry hours later.

With mental illness, everything said is true from the viewer's perspective.  Everyone else may say it's false, but that's not how feelings work.  If you feel sad, you're sad...there's no proof or explanation required.  Your mom heard something that made her sad.  That's true.  But it doesn't mean that the tree guy was a bad person or said something ugly.

Hopefully that helps a little.

I would wonder if this didn't just pass from civil to criminal.  Stealing documents is still stealing, and if those documents were to prove you owned 1/3 of the cottage, then I could see that classified as grand theft.

Personally, I'd talk to the police and explain the situation.  No need to confront your brother directly.  Let him smirk at the police as they bring him in for questioning.  Maybe he can smirk at someone in the jail cell as well, that would be cute.

The "what if" I finally settled on was, "What if I put myself first today....and put the people first who put me first?  How different would my day be?"

The answer is that its tremendously different.  I invest my time into things that will positively impact my life and the people's lives around me.  If I get attacked for that, I'm re-evaluating that relationship and definitely giving it less priority.  If someone else is mad, then I apologize.  If that doesn't work, then I guess they'll just have to be mad.  Oh well.

Those kinds of things are very rare in my life these days though because I'm not playing the "what if" game in a negative way anymore.

Hi Shameus.  Are you in the United States?  As far as I know, either you're listed on her chart as being able to receive medical updates for her or you're not.  If you are, then they can release information to you.  However, just because she was treated doesn't mean she received a formal diagnosis.  Hospitals and psych facilities treat symptoms regardless of what's charted and try to find a mixture of medication and treatment that would benefit the patient the most.

In my case, my wife left for another man...although she never admitted it to anyone but me and our daughter.  She told everyone else that I was abusive and she was fleeing for her safety.  I tried to reconcile for almost a year but eventually faced the obvious- it was better to let her go. 

My wife did have some impacts on our daughter later in life, but I don't think that's the reason my kid has BPD.  I would guess that's genetics more than anything.  She was a good mom though and did whatever she could for our two kids.

Have you spoken to your wife directly about a diagnosis (it's probably better not to)?  In the original post, it sounds like you're getting a handle on things and learning to enforce boundaries when things aren't okay.  Any progress there?

Living with a BPD parent is difficult. It's good that you have the support of professionals and friends.

One situation that I would feel let down over was if I had expectations of BPD mother. In a "normal" situation, someone in the same house could be relied on to feed the animals, or help out in other ways but with BPD it's unpredictable.

Often we feel resentful when we have expectations of someone and are let down. There's nothing wrong with expecting a housemate to share some tasks and live cooperatively. It's that when a person is disordered, they think and behave differently.

The more you can stay out of her own personal issues with people, it can probably help. It won't fix the situation- she's still going to have BPD and it's a challenge, but it may help your own disappointment. She's going to dissociate- that is a part of the disorder. During these times, try to get some time away- even if it's locking your bedroom door, putting on headphones and listening to music.

Sometimes the best response is to just take action, as you did. Trying to get into a conversation with your brother over this is likely to just become a circular argument and attention to him.

You know what kind of person you are dealing with. Taking legal action to attain what belongs to you, as you are doing, is the better course (IMHO)

Right now I am burnt out and right now just ignoring her behavior.  I do worry about her moods on our son.  She also is constantly thinking he is sick and leads him on that he is.  If you don’t mind me asking what was your breaking point for divorce and do you think your wife had any impact on your daughter?  When she was hospitalized, I was able to talk to her psychiatrist, because she signed a release.  I want to call and ask him what her diagnosis is out of concern for her recent spiraling and safety of our son, but I am afraid to if that will be a catalyst if he has to report to her that I reached out.  Any input is appreciated. 

Thank for the responses so far. I'm so fed up. I honestly can't take it anymore. The resentment I have for her could fill the Universe. Everything she does is unbearable to the point she makes me think I have problems, or I'm going to end up like her. I have lots of support outside of the household with therapy, groups, a psychiatrist, doctors, and friends, but it often seems like it's not enough. I've learned to communicate more effectively with her and set boundaries when she gaslights or makes me feel bad or guilty. I've been doing well when it comes to these things. I was horrible at it before. I was always in tears and often suicidal. She can be a horrible person. I've been in therapy for over 6 years and doing much better, but recently she's been getting worse, and this year, I've been very sick. She refused to take care of me or help me in any way. So when she sucks me into one of her delusions, I feel like I might snap. I can't take much more of her detachment or her dissociation episodes. I can't trust her with anything. I took a small vacation with my dog and she neglected all the other animals. Right now I feel like I'm venting to strangers, and suddenly I feel weird, but it seems many of you know what I'm going through. What she did is tipping me over, but I have not acted on it. I'm going to take the advice and let this one go. I did talk to the company, and let them know the situation, and how sorry I was for my email. If it happens again, I will know what to do. Thank you for reading this and responding.

We've heard stories like this...

• the spouse who used a crowbar to get into the locked trunk
• the spouse who broke into the locked briefcase
• the spouse who went to the other's office and told the secretary "it's okay to wait in his office" then ransacked it

Sadly, we cannot trust disordered people to behave normally.  Burned once, twice shy.  However, better to avoid being burned in the first place.  Unfortunately, we don't realize the extent the other will go to until it happens.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I'm trying to see if no response, as I did, is the best one. I posted about an inheritance issue last year. My uBPD brother and sociopathic cousin stole a small cottage with a bit of land from me. It was supposed to be split 3 ways to include me. It's in a foreign country. My dad has been too old to travel for a few years to oversee everything. I didn't go either.

Dad doesn't like what those two did but is an enabler to my disordered brother and is afraid of our cousin (his nephew). He will not confront them. Dad wants me to see a lawyer to include me. I was there last year and interviewed attorneys. dBPD mom got sick and passed away late last year. I put it on the back burner.

I started pursuing this again recently. My brother lives with my dad f/t and I'm there 5 days a week.  I received some local legal documents  which dad signed and had notarized for the inheritance. The last step was getting an Apostille seal. I left this document in my backpack to take to our state capitol for this seal in a few days.

I looked for these documents in my backpack a day later and they were gone. I found the empty envelope with the receipts from documents purchased in another part of the house. I believe my brother took them. They had personal identification on them which someone could use to steal my identity. My dad knew immediately what happened. He looked stunned.

I asked my brother if he had seen them. He smirked and said no. He had that look on his face like you always lose things. He had the same look on his face when I asked about the other things he had stolen from me.

Am pretty sure dad told him about this so we could work together and get along. I'm itching to say something to my sibling but I know it will make things worse for me and dad. Or should I say something?

I bought the documents again to get what I need. I have a lock for backpack now and will never let it out of my sight.