All the above in my last post is true and still I can feel off balance and in fear not long after posting all that. I just looked at a FB post from my swubpd. He has been lifting heavy weights at the gym and today was day six for him. He mostly takes a picture of the kind of weight and lift and plays a song with it. I know that working out helps him a lot. Today's song had lyrics about the devil in his head, being no good, asking God to make them stop, life doesn't seem worth living with the devil in his head.
I feel the urge text him later - the urge to stop watching his posts because this one hurts. Maybe guys listen to this kind of stuff, maybe I'm overreacting and need to center myself. I hate his painful struggle, I hate my thinking about it, I hate that his choices as an adult are sometimes painful choices.
I feel the urge text him later - the urge to stop watching his posts because this one hurts. Maybe guys listen to this kind of stuff, maybe I'm overreacting and need to center myself. I hate his painful struggle, I hate my thinking about it, I hate that his choices as an adult are sometimes painful choices.
We all struggle with these relationships and we all fall short from time to time. You're learning to adapt, set expectations, and implement boundaries that make your life more balanced and fulfilling. Please remember that; this is about you, not someone else.
With that said, if you want to message...then message. Just do so with the expectation that you're not going to get a reply or even worse, you're going to get scorn because your message was taken the wrong way. Why would I tell you to send a message under those terms? Go back to the first paragraph and really let it sink in.
There will be times when things are great, conversation is productive and you feel like everything is just fine now. Those are wonderful times. Just remember with mental illness, those periods of time come and go like a swinging pendulum on a clock. You accept the good and let go of the bad, because it's never actually about you when you're dealing with someone with mental illness. It's about their unstable feelings and emotions, so you can't take it personally.
That's why the first paragraph is everything- this is about you, not him. Make it about you and when he's disordered, realize that it's something you can't fix because it's all about him. The insulting words are his way of expressing pain and blaming the world for what he can't deal with. That's okay. Let him figure it out while you focus on what's best for you.


