I think you don't tell your pwBPD about your plans--ever. They are your plans, after all--you shouldn't be subject to reporting your schedule and whereabouts to pwBPD, so don't!
I completely agree with this statement.
If they put up a fuss ("I can't believe you came to my town and didn't even bother to stop by!"), you could feign busy indifference (Oh, that last-minute trip? I didn't want to impose. Maybe next time.) Then change the subject. If they unleash a tirade about how inconsiderate you are, you exit: "I'm in a rush, bye." If they try to reel you in ("Oh, look at you, too busy and important to spend time with me . . ."), just let them be. Don't JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain). The less personal details they know, the better, if that's how they are treating you.
I disagree here. If they find out, when they find out...none of that matters. And if they don't find out, then it doesn't matter either.
The focus should be on the task at hand....and not how someone might react...if they happen to find out...and they happen to freak out...and they happen to call you angry....and they happen to demand an explanation...and they happen to say you're a bad person...and they happen to say or do 100 other things that I haven't thought of yet.
Can you see how exhausting that sentence is? It exhausted me writing it. Whatever happens will happen and your decision is already made. Do not worry about what someone else MIGHT say or do...that's for them to deal with. The focus needs to be on you and what you're in control of, what's best for your mental health, etc.
My simple advice is not to go down this rabbit hole of playing the "what if" game. Nobody has ever won it in the history of the world.


