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I have to say, I'm with Pook on the futile argument boundary.
Sometimes my spouse will argue with me by shouting and spouting obscenities. I know when he's riled up, he just won't listen to anything I have to say. Any attempt to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) only angers him even more. When he's like this, it's typically from a place of insecurity--he feels I'm not paying enough attention to him, I spend "too much time" with friends while "excluding" him, I've upstaged him in some way--even if the facts don't align with that interpretation. He'll literally turn red, shout at near fire-alarm decibel levels and get in my face (or call me repeatedly on the phone). My boundary is not to engage when he's like this. I basically give him an "adult time out" until he calms down. I'll drift out of the room if we're at home. Yes he'll typically follow me, but then I'll drift out again, maybe with a little excuse (I have to use the bathroom). If he's shouting at me through the bathroom door, I'll emerge and say, I need some fresh air. Then I'll go outside for a walk, or possibly take a drive if it's late or if the weather is horrible. Sometimes I go to the library, sometimes to a scenic parking lot. He hasn't dared to rip the car keys out of my hand, but if he did, I'd probably say, I'm not staying here just to be yelled at, I've heard enough, and I'm not under house arrest, am I? If he were physical or he started trashing the house, I'd call the police. Usually he'll slam a door a couple of times (opening it and slamming it shut again for emphasis), but actually, that's not such a bad outcome because he'll isolate in a room for a while, and the shouting will stop. Then he'll typically put himself to bed early, in protest. Usually by morning he's still hurt, but he's not flying off the handle anymore. Then I can try to reassure him and explain: I know you're upset (that I visited with a friend), but I choose to be with you every day. I don't visit with friends that often, and not as often as you do. I support you and your interests, and I expect the same from you.
While it's true it's easier to escape when there are no young children in the house, if I had to, I'd just take the kids with me. I'd make something up--we're getting ice cream, we're going for a walk, we're going to the library, we're getting the car washed--anything to give my spouse the time and space he needs to calm down. If I had an important work meeting and I were working from home, I'd likely take the computer to the public library, or perhaps sit in my car, park somewhere convenient and use my phone's hotspot. I think I did that at one point, when the tension in the household became unbearable. It gave my spouse some space, and I got some space too, while being able to get some work done. Finally, sometimes the shouting and swearing will happen when we're travelling in a car together. There's no easy escape in that situation. What I've done is the gray rock technique: sit as still and quiet as a gray rock, and don't engage. If he takes a break from the shouting tirade to demand a word out of me, I'll say, There's nothing I can say to make it better, is there? And then I'll go back to being a gray rock. If he continues to pester me, I'll say, I'm not discussing this while you're driving, you're upset and could get in an accident. I'll listen when we get to the destination. And back to the gray rock routine.
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