Does the other person have an official diagnosis? "Agree to disagree" may be helpful in that case, although it doesn't seem like it from the response you received.

My xwBPD does not have an official diagnosis and any of my attempts to say we have different views of the same event, etc. have only served to enrage her further. I've found the only thing that works to de-escalate is to go no contact with her. Which doesn't really work if it's someone you in a relationship with or have to maintain contact at some level.

Personally, I would be very concerned by someone stating "the actual truth really makes no difference" as that indicates they are only going to follow their emotions/perceptions on a given subject, which may very well not be grounded in any sort of reality. This could quickly get into real danger territory.

If you have any concerns, it may be time to keep a journal and even video/audio recordings.

Hi,
As some context, I have taken to saying "lets just agree to disagree" to attempt to deescalate conflict when we both have different opinions, or views on what was said or wasn't said. Or different views /memories on how something happened etc

I was sent quite a long text but it started like this:

"Moving forward it would help if you can also not just agree to disagree but also understand the fact that
Our perception is the reality we live. True or not
You have a Perception of events
And I do also
Every second of every day is an interpretation of our own perception. The actual truth really makes no difference!"

Like I understand we all have different perceptions, but I am concerned about the statement the actual truth makes no difference.

What are peoples views here am I reading too much into this? Any advice on what this could mean?

I apologize but I didn't say this in the original post: A big part of what I am wondering, with her best interest in mind, what should I be doing for her? (As well as, what is she currently experiencing mentally)

Hope you don't mind but I've relocated this thread to another board. It should receive a better response at "Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup". Here is the link: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358246.0

I have temporarily placed a ">" in the title so that other moderators will know that it has been moved and we don't move it again.

Each of the boards has a unique culture. Descriptions of which members/topics best fit each board are contained in the "DIRECTORY".  Additionally, the charter of each board is contained in the "WHO SHOULD POST ON THIS BOARD?" thread that is pinned at the top of each board.


If you think this move should be reconsidered, please send me a personal message, via "Pvt mail". I'm happy to work with you to get it to the board that makes sense for all.

Hi CopperLeaf and welcome,

Your story sounds very familiar to mine.

My udd30 just loved all the attention that a pregnancy brings yet denied  she was even expecting every time I asked her .I remember asking her with her 2nd pregnancy .if she was pregnant. Her reply was....."And what makes you think that?"  with a smirk on her face. If ever there was an elephant in the room it was then. I made sure that I never fed into the excitement of her pregnancies. I just brought things and quietly put them aside. She never asked me to go to any of her prenatal appointments...she had her friends and b/f for that but by the time of gkids births I was the one who was there with her....no friends or b/f so I guess I was some value to her by then. Eventually the novelty wears off for them....so let your dd post all  she can right now. My udd sees herself as special, at that time she acted like she was the girl in the world who was having a baby.

It is difficult when you have other kids to consider. Luckily udd is my youngest so the older ones were often  out  doing their own thing but they did see what a state I would be in when udd hadnt come home or was disrupting the house in someway by the There was never really any peace in our home until udd left at 17...

Ive always found that keeping a diary/journal very therapeutic. Do you think it maybe something your youngest child maybe interested in.? I find it helps to sort out my mind and  true feelings.

I hope you enjoy your time away. I used to go on weekend getaways and I loved it. I must admit in the beginning I used to spend most of the time worrying what udd could be getting up to but then I came to the realisation that udd would always up to something whether I was there or not.

Hi SinisterComplex, I can totally relate and 100% worry about what happens to him when things end with us. But I know my own mental health has been really taking a hit lately, and I'm going to reach a point that I will not be able to take care of myself if things keep going like this. And then I'll have to end it anyway. So I'd rather try to do it now when I can be caring and compassionate and try to help him with the whole process. It's good to hear stories about people actually being able to do it, so here's hoping I can do that too.

On the up side I did work up the nerve to reach out to an old friend yesterday and I let her know what's happening. It was nice to spill my guts and not feel like I was scaring someone off, and then she did the same. We joked, we talked about needing to get together again. After that I felt a little more like myself. It definitely helps me to feel less alone, and I'm doing a little better today, not feeling as catastrophic, feeling a little more hopeful. Baby steps I guess.

Hi NotWendy, thank you so much for sharing, and it's interesting you say that about your mother, because if you would ask anyone outside the family they would only say wonderful things about my mother too. And I feel like she felt more comfortable showing love to my brothers, so they just viewed her differently. She has passed now so I have just never felt comfortable revealing some of these things to them, her death was very hard on them. I definitely think there was some kind of personality disorder there with my mom, maybe some borderline with narcissism mixed in for good measure too.

I think there are definitely some connections between my H and my mom, you are right, both good and bad parts. I think there is probably an element of feeling like if I let him go, it's like letting her go too, both the good and bad.

The ACA groups sound really interesting, and I think there is a lot on that laundry list that definitely speaks to me. I may check out a group, so thanks for the recommendation!

Hello, I am new here, have browsed other forums and have ended up here. I met my girlfriend, now ex [as of a few days ago], and I'm left feeling solemn and confused. To give some context: We were together for nearly 2 months, everything was great, she told me about her traumas, fear of abandonment, and much more; moreover, as I said, our relationship was great -- I reassured her, showed up for her when she had any sort of trouble (even if it was something as simple as needing to sleep), took walks together, and were quite affected affectionate with one another. Out of nowhere though, as if a switched had been flipped, she started messaging me alot more sparsely, told me she wanted space, and as of 2 days ago, broke up with me. She told me though, she still wants me to be in her life, even if it is just as a friend, for the time being; moreover, she had also told me that she talked with her closest friend about everything and said she wanted to take time, energy and space, then possibly see where her and I go in the future. As I said though, I'm confused, cause she had told me several times, "Don't let me push you away," and, "I'm terrified of pushing you away," and she would initiate affection with me and I was always there for her. I want this to work, I want to be there for her, and I don't want to leave her behind. I just need help understanding all of what is currently going on and what I should do/be doing, as she is currently being distant. Thank you!

I admire you for writing the note to shine light on the unprofessional case manager. Even though these processes are so stressful, I'm wondering if this incident might lead to assisted living for your mom. In effect, home health care decided they're done. What better assessment is there than that?

If they take the case manager's word that your mother was abusive or impossible or however she frames it, would that increase the likelihood your mother ends up being moved to assisted living? If only to get her off their plate. I remember you writing that resources are extremely limited where you live and that may be the root cause and cannot be changed. But sometimes miracles happen. I was told I would never get sole custody of my son. It took years but once my n/BPDx husband began treating the judge the way he treated me, suddenly the judge was in the business of granting miracles  

I was in a similar situation with a drug addict I was mentoring.  He was on the streets and asked if he could stay for the weekend.  I was hesitant but said yes.  He then ate everything in sight, somehow managed to get drugs, and slept almost non-stop for a week.  Eat, sleep, somehow get high....I didn't sign up for that.

So I changed the formula and stopped buying groceries.  No milk or cereal.  No coffee.  No snacks or microwave food.  He asked if I was hungry and I said yes, but I was broke and couldn't get food.  He asked me to drop him off somewhere else the next day.

If you want her out, then stop making your home so inviting.  Rough it for a few days, eat some takeout when she's not looking, and she'll probably leave on her own.