Hope I dodged a bullet

[josiejo61]

I suspected that the man I have dated for 10 months has BPD.  Now that I have found this site and started reading--I am even more convinced.  Nothing is ever his fault or responsibility.  He is very impulsive with finances and sex and has anger outbursts.  He bends, stretches and manipulates the truth.  He started out so passionate and enamored with me and now criticizes and withdraws. 

One week ago- he admitted lying to me about something very serious.  I told him that was unacceptable.  I have responded to one text message since--otherwise no contact.  This relationship had not progressed to declarations of love (thankfully) and I would like to handle this break-up in the best way.  .

  The other day he sent me a card at work telling me he was sorry he let me down and hoping we aren't over because of his screw ups. 

Not sure I handled this well but... .  Yesterday I mailed him back his house key (he had just given it to me about 2 weeks ago--very suddenly --I didn't ask for it) and in the card I wrote:

"You deceived me--almost from the beginning and that is something I cannot forget.  Our whole relationship was based on that untruth and it was doomed.  I cannot even enjoy the memories of any fun we did have---knowing that every time we were together--you knew the truth and I did not.  You don't seem willing to take responsibility for your deceit.  It does not matter though.  I am done."

He lives the next town over (about 30 miles away) and I hope that will make this. . .simpler.

This site has been so helpful already--so glad I found it!

[just me.]

This will probably be the common response you receive here, but I think the best advice to you right now is to just maintain the separation and move on in a life without him.  I think most of us here probably had that moment where we almost left forever, but that ended up just being chapter 1 of a much longer and awful saga.

BPD or not - you don't want a relationship with someone you can't trust and that will hurt you.  You really, really, really don't.  Trust me... .  it's not worth it.

If you find yourself feeling tempted to return, then I'd suggest coming back here and talking it through.

[FindingMe2011]

Yes, to put a name to such erratic behavior. Validation for what you have been experiencing. His recent behavior, and betrayal speaks volumes on where things were heading. Making him responsible for his actions/words, is the kindest thing you could have done for the both of you. Dont second guess your instincts, and dont compromise your morals and boundaries (as the subject matter suggests), the results of this are self harming, from an emotional staNPDoint. Only you can determine whether or not you dodged a bullet. From where I stand, it looks more this way, than the chances for a positive outcome to occur. When trust becomes an issue, its hard for much of anything good to happen. It puts you in high alert, second guessing things you shouldnt have to, basically digging into your fears... .  With your message you sent, i see no need for further communication. It would send the correct message, and put the focus where he needs to have it, on himself. Whether or not its simple, will be determined. You can only control your behavior, and as long as the message you send is consistent, theres not much else you can do. Dont get into defending yourself, or anything else that may entice you to engage. Nothing positive will be accomplished... .  I wish you well, PEACE