I need a lawyer with BPD experience in the UK, can anyone point me in the right direction please? My husband has moved out and doesn't seem to be working. I have taken on all his loans to help him pay them off and now he has gone and keeps asking for money. I am also concerned he is not in a stable state to look after our d3 on his own, as is drinking and self harming and tell lies all of the time. I think I need some advice, if he picks her up from nursery before the childminder gets there they would let him take her and I cant stop that from happening, he hasn't said he would do this I am just thinking through the what ifs as he could get very nasty.
Hi Lolly,
I'm in the US and catnap provided a good link for you to start with. But I do think there are some similar things to think about when reaching out to an L for the first time. Ask any prospective attorneys if they have experience dealing with high-conflict divorces. Here in the US, that's pretty much code for "BPD" or some kind of personality disorder. It seems like other members here have had experience finding Ls who say that understand BPD, but it can be hit or miss in terms of how well they put forth a strategy that truly keeps BPD in mind.
Have you read Bill Eddy's "Splitting: Divorcing a Spouse with BPD or NPD"? Eddy is a US-based family law attorney who also practiced as a therapist for 20 years or so. The book is based on the US court system, but I imagine the general gist applies to your court system to. I found it invaluable, and it's often recommended here by others who have been through a high-conflict divorce. It's already pretty disorienting and heart-wrenching to divorce a pwBPD, much less try to understand how the family courts work. Lawyers are expensive and don't typically hold your hand through it, meanwhile you're working you hardest to protect your kids, and you need to know what's happening and the meaning of the decisions and various court outcomes that are happening.
Very few people understand what it's like to deal with a disordered person, and even less so when you mix BPD with divorce. I'm glad you found this site! I have found the advice and support here priceless, and wish I had found it at the beginning of my divorce.
