(i never can remember) and of course it was my fault.
oh thank you! I'm not the only one! Once we argue over something - which of course involves him belittling me, blaming all his woes on me and then telling me I don't listen hahahah - I can never remember either. It takes some time to think back and actually try to remember what it was about. I questioned if it was just me being insensitive and not 'listening' as he tells me. :P. but I also wondered if it was also my defence mechanism to disengage and disassociate to protect myself ... . I am still unsure of which, but it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one that responds that way... .
The 'discussion' in the car revolved around me mentally checking out when he is talking to me. A lot of the time he will spend hours, and I mean hours, a cpl of times a day telling me something new he learnt. These are always times when I'm meant to be at work, housework, kids etc - it's like he purposely chooses these times, that he knows I am preoccupied, to start these long rants. It's as if its self sabotage to reinforce his emptiness as even I don't listen to him or take him seriously... . But anyways I will check out mentally for a few minutes out of the 2 or 4 hr rants... . But in his mind its continual and most of the time... .
I don't know how to deal with this, as no one can expect someone to keep up their 100% attention for long periods. If I do it means ignoring the kids, dog, and the bomb going off in the front yard... .
(I only remember this one as he rehashes it quite a few times a day! )
But small victories are very rewarding. It means I can improve things and have the power to do so! As I have felt so powerless for a long time.
