I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

freshlySane

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I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« on: January 27, 2013, 07:05:08 AM »

Read this old convo and tell me if i was at fault sorry about the nature of the convo

SORRY FOR THE SPELLING I ALTERED THE NAMES AND CLEANED UP THE PROFANITY PLEASE POST FEEDBACK AM I CRAZY WAS I WRONG

[5/20/2012 5:59:19 AM]ME: good Morning

[5/20/2012 5:59:29 AM] HER: sorry about last night i never woke back up

[5/20/2012 5:59:43 AM] ME: its ok as long as you got sleep and your rested

[5/20/2012 5:59:50 AM]HER: yeah about that... .

[5/20/2012 6:00:28 AM] HER: so because i never woke back up... . i never took out the tampon... . i woke up to change this morning and its not thre... . i believe its inside of me

[5/20/2012 6:00:34 AM] HER: and Good Morning

[5/20/2012 6:00:55 AM ME: wth really is that bad does it hurt

[5/20/2012 6:01:02 AM] ME: are you ok

[5/20/2012 6:01:14 AM] HER: worried... . not oka... . l

[5/20/2012 6:01:30 AM] HER: could lead to tss or nothing culd happen... . this is a first

[5/20/2012 6:02:04 AM] HER: im going to the bathroom again... .

[5/20/2012 6:02:10 AM] HER: i have a killer headache

[5/20/2012 6:04:40 AM] ME: ok let me now if you find it

[5/20/2012 6:04:51 AM] ME: did u eat

[5/20/2012 6:04:58 AM] HER: did i eat... . really

[5/20/2012 6:05:20 AM] ME: you have a headache im thinking of you on both fronts

[5/20/2012 6:05:30 AM] ME: the tampon issue and your headache

[5/20/2012 6:05:50 AM] HER: i think i have to go to the emergency room

[5/20/2012 6:06:12 AM] ME: i think so too im on online looking it up and thats the recommended thing to do

[5/20/2012 6:06:29 AM] HER: yeah i looked it up already... . not fun

[5/20/2012 6:06:52 AM] ME: you went back to the bathroom and still not there ?

[5/20/2012 6:07:02 AM] ME: no results

[5/20/2012 6:07:41 AM] HER: im going t have to wait until monday to go

[5/20/2012 6:09:18 AM] ME: damn it ... . let me make some calls to see if i can get off to come with u for today

[5/20/2012 6:10:17 AM] HER: i have on nothing but my bathrobe and im feeling really hot

[5/20/2012 6:10:54 AM] ME: hot as in tmeperture or hot as in damn im sexy

[5/20/2012 6:11:14 AM] HER: SERIOUSLY!

[5/20/2012 6:11:31 AM] ME: oh temperature

[5/20/2012 6:11:40 AM] HER: ... . omg

[5/20/2012 6:12:14 AM] ME: well it takes a couple days for anything to start to happen negativly to your body

[5/20/2012 6:12:28 AM] ME: so your fine now

[5/20/2012 6:12:50 AM] HER: are u getting this from the internet or frm what im telling you

[5/20/2012 6:12:55 AM] ME: internet

[5/20/2012 6:12:58 AM] HER: because I do not feel fine

[5/20/2012 6:13:04 AM] HER: i feel really hot

[5/20/2012 6:13:10 AM]: and i have a really bad headache

[5/20/2012 6:13:15 AM]: but you can keep on wiht the internet

[5/20/2012 6:13:25 AM]: sorry i came to you with this

[5/20/2012 6:13:29 AM]: i will handle it

[5/20/2012 6:13:41 AM] ME: stop

[5/20/2012 6:13:44 AM] ME: im here for you

[5/20/2012 6:13:48 AM] HER: no you f***** stop

[5/20/2012 6:13:53 AM] HER: sexy or temp... . really

[5/20/2012 6:13:59 AM] HER: your telling me im fine

[5/20/2012 6:14:05 AM] ME: Baby this is going on too long

[5/20/2012 6:14:14 AM]: i love you im concentred for you

[5/20/2012 6:14:18 AM] : im interested in you

[5/20/2012 6:14:19 AM]: im your man

[5/20/2012 6:14:25 AM] HER: this has nothing to do with that ~*

[5/20/2012 6:14:32 AM] ME: it has to do with everything

[5/20/2012 6:14:49 AM] HER: this has to do with the fact im cming to you ... . i sat here and downloaded this f**** program to talk to you and this is what im getting

[5/20/2012 6:14:51 AM] HER: sexy or temp

[5/20/2012 6:14:58 AM] nothing is happening now

[5/20/2012 6:14:59 AM] :really

[5/20/2012 6:15:07 AM] ME: your going off again

[5/20/2012 6:15:10 AM]HER: stop thinking i link every situation to the next

[5/20/2012 6:15:17 AM] ME: beaucse i asked a question that came off wrong

[5/20/2012 6:15:31 AM] HER: "came off wrong"

[5/20/2012 6:15:36 AM] ME: the issue at hand is you and your body

[5/20/2012 6:15:42 AM] HER: yes it is

[5/20/2012 6:15:47 AM]: and the lack of support that im getting

[5/20/2012 6:15:54 AM] ME: in your eyes

[5/20/2012 6:16:00 AM]HER: okay Todd

[5/20/2012 6:16:05 AM]ME: im supporting you im trying to get coverahe

[5/20/2012 6:16:11 AM] HER: i forgot how macho you get when you only have t type to me

[5/20/2012 6:16:12 AM] ME: to get the kids and take you to the er

[5/20/2012 6:16:27 AM]: no ive been exhausted by all this for days

[5/20/2012 6:16:30 AM] HER: dont get coverage

[5/20/2012 6:16:36 AM]: dont call a soul

[5/20/2012 6:16:41 AM]: i got me

[5/20/2012 6:16:49 AM]: i apologized i came to you

[5/20/2012 6:17:09 AM] ME: i dont care about last night i care about you and whats happening to you

[5/20/2012 6:17:18 AM]: im going to call and try to get coverage

[5/20/2012 6:17:21 AM] HER: last night... . more left field

[5/20/2012 6:17:21 AM]ME: i got you too

[5/20/2012 6:17:44 AM]: im not going to let you shut down on me

[5/20/2012 6:17:46 AM]: i got you

[5/20/2012 6:17:51 AM]: let me make these calls

[5/20/2012 6:17:52 AM]: ill brb

[5/20/2012 6:17:55 AM] HER: not going to let me... .

[5/20/2012 6:17:57 AM]: wow

[5/20/2012 6:18:06 AM]: yur going to waste your time and then you will learn from this expierence

[5/20/2012 6:18:08 AM] ME: yes your my women this is my jobn to take care of you

[5/20/2012 6:18:49 AM]: Michelle this about your health not a stupid question or anything we are arguing about

[5/20/2012 6:19:04 AM]: im putting it all aside to come try to take care fo you

[5/20/2012 6:19:11 AM]: accept me help

[5/20/2012 6:19:12 AM] HER: do not

[5/20/2012 6:19:18 AM]: because your the only one that is trying to make this dramatic

[5/20/2012 6:19:20 AM]ME: y because you feel i dont care

[5/20/2012 6:19:21 AM]HER: about a questions

[5/20/2012 6:19:25 AM]: about left field ~*

[5/20/2012 6:19:32 AM]ME: when im typing constantly to show you i do

[5/20/2012 6:19:38 AM]HER: if this was about my health you wouldnt have needed to ask that in the first pllace

[5/20/2012 6:19:42 AM] ME: if i didnt care trust me id show i dont care

[5/20/2012 6:19:44 AM] HER: you wouldnt tell me nothing is happening and im fine

[5/20/2012 6:19:56 AM] ME: you knwo i dont ask the proper questions

[5/20/2012 6:20:01 AM]: im worried and nervous too

[5/20/2012 6:20:06 AM]: im not perfect

[5/20/2012 6:20:11 AM] HER: here we go

[5/20/2012 6:20:13 AM] ME: im going to make the calls

[5/20/2012 6:20:19 AM] HER: your going to waste your time

[5/20/2012 6:20:29 AM]ME : my time to waste its important to help you

[5/20/2012 6:20:45 AM]: i lvoe you enough to waste the time in an attempt to help you

[5/20/2012 6:20:53 AM] HER: dont bother

[5/20/2012 6:21:02 AM] ME: your my women i got to bother

[5/20/2012 6:21:06 AM] HER: ha

[5/20/2012 6:21:25 AM] ME: Michelle just accept my help if i can give it

[5/20/2012 6:21:33 AM] HER: why am i not suprised my words dont register... . why do i think this moment will be like anything else

[5/20/2012 6:21:53 AM] ME: its your health you come first

[5/20/2012 6:22:06 AM]HER: according to you nothing is happening and im fine

[5/20/2012 6:22:10 AM] HER: so dont bother

[5/20/2012 6:22:49 AM] ME: to give you some kind of peace of mind to tell you your ok love

[5/20/2012 6:23:02 AM] : nothing major that will happen is happening now

[5/20/2012 6:23:10 AM]: all we need to do is get it out of you

[5/20/2012 6:23:15 AM]: and your fine

[5/20/2012 6:23:16 AM] HER: "we need"

[5/20/2012 6:23:47 AM]: im leaving to the hospital... . Have a nice day. Im done with mornings like this, days like this, and nights like this.

[5/20/2012 6:23:54 AM]: I have learned yet another lesson already.

[5/20/2012 6:24:03 AM] ME: MICHELLE this enoguh

[5/20/2012 6:24:10 AM]HER: I agree

[5/20/2012 6:24:15 AM] HER: I completely agree


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2013, 07:30:31 AM »

PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK I NEED ADVICE AND WHAT YOU MAY THINK


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almost789

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2013, 07:34:46 AM »

Im hearing that she wanted your attention and apparently you wernt reacting in the way she wanted you to. Sounds like she was trying to create an appearance of an emergency! And wanted you to drop everything and run to her rescue. Shes either sick or playing sick. I dont think you did anything wrong. You tried. Its just never enough.


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HarmKrakow

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2013, 07:40:48 AM »

Hahaha!

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

.

This could be a copy of several(!) chats I had with my gf w BPD. Serious. You have to say one word wrong, one word, and then there is a severe malfunctioning in the brain and then your significant other switches with the instant of a second and grabs her machine gun and starts spitting everything against you. And no matter what you do, what you say, what you try to achieve in order to comfort her, NOTHING, works. Nothing(!) Even if you say nice things or tell her to herself. Nothing helps, because she entered her super defense mode and seriously repackages everything you say in order to make you feel bad what you did and that you are the one to be blamed for your misery and hope that you feel really bad for what you did to her. And of course, then she brings up a whole lot more of old garbage just to poke more salt in your wounds.

Hahahaha ... this is SO familiar


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2013, 07:41:59 AM »

thank you for that i was so scared when she told me that that day she was fine just an infection she got medicine i did get coverage and i did take her to the ER just i felt so horrible like i was this big idiot for asking her those questions


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HarmKrakow

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2013, 07:46:21 AM »

Quote from: freshlySane on January 27, 2013, 07:41:59 AM

You know what happens then? You break your boundaries ... and let her step over it.

Seriously, before my relationship with my current gf w BPD, i had a normal r/s. I would have never accepted such behavior! Never. NEVER(!) Situation; I want to help you. What... you don't want my help and turn the story around it and blame me for never wanting to take care of your self? The healthy(!) me would say; dream on and go fudge yourself, take it or leave it. You can make up stories all you want, all I want is to help you. You say crazy sh!t like this, i'm not the one suffering. Have a good day ...


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2013, 07:53:55 AM »

@harmkrakow thank you for that I use to be like that but she wares you down and everytime there was a fight i was sure to hear about the last time i didn't do something i fed into her bull crap and then she had me i was hers to control she could hurt me make me feel wonderful i chalk it up now to she needed to test me whether it was real or fake to see if i cared for her and 9 out of 10 times i failed so she told me i was a horrible person and i deserve to die on one really bad occasion. Now im becoming stronger more then the man i was before her.


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real lady

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Relationship status: Living together, engaged but had been VERY ROCKY from Nov. 2011 to August 2012...evening out now...I am in counseling!!
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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2013, 08:05:44 AM »

Hi *freshlySane*... . wow... . sounds SO much like many of the verbal "conversations" that I HAD HAD with my uBPDso whom I live with (with my son)... . it seems like the MORE WE TALK, the HIGHER PROBABILITY that THEY will DYSREGULATE... . over nothing in our eyes, over SOMETHING BIG AND HORRIBLE THAT WE HAVE DONE in their eyes... .

The MORE that I speak clearly, stating my boundaries, affirming his "pain" and "need" to DO something and confirm his decision and GET OUT OF THE WAY, the LESS chance that he will "latch onto" a word that I said... . he is to the point of EXTREMELY EXAGGERATING how I "offered" to help him as if I was mad, angry and "put upon"... . actually I spoke quite clearly, unemotionally and smiled a little to let him know that I "would be happy" to help himif he would let me know what he needs... . OBVIOUS trigger words for him.

Anything MORE than this would be engaging in and attributing to their circular arguments... . of course she is ":)ONE"... . she has "had enough"... . they have ENOUGH OF THEMSELVES without us nons, they don't even deal with themselves the way that we have learned to take responsibility for our own behavior.

I had a VERY similar one that caused a MASSIVE dysregulation just this past week... . since "I LOST" his antibiotic cream (wth?, I don't think I had it last)... . then I went out and bought some new and gave it to him and ASKED HIM if he needed anything, if there was "anything that I could help him with to let me know"... . I don't pretend to "read his mind" and will not "JUST DO IT" for him because he expects it. I even "used" the word "INVALID" (meaning cripple; disabled, etc) due to his lack of mobility because of pain in leg and foot.

PWBPD seems to "play up" their illness, while trying NOT to present themselves as invalids but more "victims" of the illness so they can blame their pain on us. I deserve better than this and so do you.


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BentNotBroken

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2013, 08:13:38 AM »

Well, I am OBVIOUSLY a huge jerk, that NEVER cared about her at all! Remember that time I left her in the hospital ER to ROT because I was too tired? She told me to go home and get some sleep, but what kind of a jerk listens to what she says instead of reading her mind and doing that instead. (Besides, she checked herself out of the hospital without seeing a doctor yet again, because they weren't giving her enough attention). No actual medical problem.

She screamed at me about this for 30-45 minutes 7 years after this incident. I was baffled, because there was an ER-worthy emergency every 2-3 months, for 15+ years. I had no idea which ER trip she was talking about. Every time she had an ache or pain and I was not giving her enough attention, off to the ER. She would insist on driving herself, because she wasn't really that sick. Who knows if she actually even went to the ER. Her "infections" were always minor UTIs or yeast. You would think she had Ebola from the way she behaved and expected others to drop everything an tend to her needs over everything else, including people who actually had life-threatening emergencies.

Eventually, after years of this I began to suspect she was a hypochondriac. I jokingly told her so. Big Mistake. She raged like a maniac for hours. To be fair, she was right, she was not a hypochondriac--she is BPD!

Now she does it with our son. Every minor thing is a trip to the ER. Her emotional meltdown makes every situation worse. If she feels like she needs more attention, son ends up at urgent care. When we first split, she would call, and I came running. Now she doesn't bother to tell me until after the fact, so I will look like a bad dad in our custody case. When I do find out, I am there and my son wants me to comfort him. I can see the rage building in her, that it is my son getting the attention and not her.

BPD is a persistent and pervasive illness. I wasted 15+ years of my life trying to help someone who is utterly selfish and incapable of an adult relationship. Please don't be as dumb as I was.


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2013, 08:15:02 AM »

Thank you Real Lady I was almost brought to tears yes tears thinking i was so unfair to her or insensitive to her now i'm realizing that i cant be held responsible for what goes on in her mind i can only do i i feel is right for me. we are not together anymore but i still care for here deeply and i hope she can realize she is ill and get the help she needs so she can finally be happy and fulfilled in life.


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2013, 08:20:05 AM »

Quote from: BentNotBroken on January 27, 2013, 08:13:38 AM

Well, I am OBVIOUSLY a huge jerk, that NEVER cared about her at all! Remember that time I left her in the hospital ER to ROT because I was too tired? She told me to go home and get some sleep, but what kind of a jerk listens to what she says instead of reading her mind and doing that instead. (Besides, she checked herself out of the hospital without seeing a doctor yet again, because they weren't giving her enough attention). No actual medical problem.

She screamed at me about this for 30-45 minutes 7 years after this incident. I was baffled, because there was an ER-worthy emergency every 2-3 months, for 15+ years. I had no idea which ER trip she was talking about. Every time she had an ache or pain and I was not giving her enough attention, off to the ER. She would insist on driving herself, because she wasn't really that sick. Who knows if she actually even went to the ER. Her "infections" were always minor UTIs or yeast. You would think she had Ebola from the way she behaved and expected others to drop everything an tend to her needs over everything else, including people who actually had life-threatening emergencies.

Now she does it with our son. Every minor thing is a trip to the ER. If she feels like she needs more attention, son ends up at urgent care. When we first split, she would call, and I came running. Now she doesn't bother to tell me, so I will look like a bad dad in our custody case. When I do find out, I am there and my son wants me to comfort him. I can see the rage building in her, that it is my son getting the attention and not her.

BPD is a persistent and pervasive illness. I wasted 15+ years of my life trying to help someone who is utterly selfish and incapable of an adult relationship. Please don't be as dumb as I was.

yeah i suffered for three years with her and it was like this for days or months and then years she use to say our love is not on the same level lmao how right she was. trust me she had two pregnancy fakes and a fake miscarriage for me to see how id react. it was horrible


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real lady

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2013, 09:09:00 AM »

***freshlySane*** glad to hear that you are OUT of relationship with her and you have learned so much about BPD; hopefully NEVER to see it again.

Quote from: BentNotBroken on January 27, 2013, 08:13:38 AM

BPD is a persistent and pervasive illness. I wasted 15+ years of my life trying to help someone who is utterly selfish and incapable of an adult relationship. Please don't be as dumb as I was.

BentNotBroken... . I hear your frustration and grief over LOSS of time and relationship while regret of spending SO MUCH ENERGY on a pwBPD... . I hear you and am glad that you do not have to live with her but your son could seriously be psychologically hurt from his mother's BPD... . is there any way that you can request a psych eval for her (and you) to determine custody or do you think that he will be ok if you allow her to raise your son (or you are unable to be a single parent)?

I would definitely have it ON RECORD the times that she went to the ER and how "attention seeking" she was during the time that you lived with her and how this affected your son. Wishing you well... .


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BentNotBroken

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2013, 09:13:35 AM »

Yep. Locked in a custody battle right now. Trying to save our son from a lifetime of misery. She played the psychologist like a cheap fiddle. Gamed the objective tests by getting copies ahead of time so she could look up the "right" answers to make herself appear stable. Trial is his only hope.


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Changed4safety

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2013, 10:22:07 AM »

Gawd... . this reminds me of about a million conversations we had. One in particular--exBPD is a type I diabetic and he wanted me to get some Gatorade when I went to the store--a particular flavor a particular format (bulk or individual servings) and sugar free. (I was paying for everything at this point, his neuropathy and his "bipolar" made it "impossible" for him to find a job... . he got one right after I moved out of course). I found the Gatorade, I made sure of the flavor, I made sure it was individual servings. Turned out it was not sugar free--it had gotten pushed into the wrong area on the shelf, and the packaging is identical except for tiny words. I'm all proud of myself that I got it right--whoops! I of course apologized and was more than happy to go back to the store and correct my mistake. He completely blew up. Had a full on rage about how I didn't care about him, or else I would have double checked, etc, etc, etc.

Another time he was looking for a job and had talked to a museum about working there. He said there were no openings, but he could do volunteer work there. I pointed out, in a casual conversational voice, that volunteer work wasn't the same as a job. Again, he blew up, started throwing things and punching walls. I went out to settle myself. He texted in about an hour, saying he had taken one of his meds to calm himself down. We were going to a production of Les Miserables, I had plunked down $250 for the seats. Guess who raged when I got a little turned around at the center and we had to walk farther? Guess who mostly slept through the expensive performance because he was doped up?

Oh man... . yeah, I'm starting to miss him less.


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HarmKrakow

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2013, 10:30:50 AM »

Quote from: Changed4safety on January 27, 2013, 10:22:07 AM

In the end, the negative feelings will have a bigger impact on you than the positive times you shared because often we NON's, break when the negativity and crappy moments became to much. And of course, first we think of the positives, but then we realize stories like yours as I can only imagine writing that stuff down just now, is a part of the process of recovery for you


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just me.

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2013, 01:24:23 PM »

Since you asked for additional perspectives... .

I read the whole thing and here's my take:

Her: Probably BPD

You: Not at fault

One person's opinion... . for what it's worth.

I obviously don't know the larger context or what previous fight you two seemed to be eluding to, but that conversation (in isolation) makes her seem impossible.

The basic dynamic of a BPD relationship seems to often be that the "non" tries to be helpful and do everything right, and the pwBPD frequently gets infuriated because they feel we fail them in this task.

It's easy to believe that we may very well not be perfect at our goals, because we are human... . and therefore we are of course imperfect. The problem lies in the belief that our best efforts to be helpful/sweet is something we should ever apologize for.

You are trying to make the situation better. She's not.

It's not a healthy relationship.


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2013, 02:19:07 PM »

Quote from: just_me_500 on January 27, 2013, 01:24:23 PM

thank you soo much this is just one of many arguments other encompass her storming off berating me hitting me all kinds of dysfunction. she is with a new man and even though it hurt at first i hope she figures out she needs help so she doesnt destroy antoher relaitonship.


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real lady

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2013, 02:42:43 PM »

Quote from: freshlySane on January 27, 2013, 02:19:07 PM

she is with a new man and even though it hurt at first i hope she figures out she needs help so she doesnt destroy another relationship.

One thing that has helped me and I am "still with" my uBPDso is that "we cannot help them" and they are VERY LIKELY to RUIN EVERY relationship that they have... . if they can't "make it with us", the ONE person in their life that may realize that they are mentally ill and STILL LOVE THEM ANYWAYS... . WHY should we consider that they WILL succeed in a relationship... . it is really UP to them and it is "too bad"

I have accepted that "he is what he is"... . I don't expect that he will have any relationship after I am only STILL HERE because I am "stuck" since I invested everything to return to my "first love"... . he only has ONE first love and I am it. I only HAD one first love and he is a man who "used to be the man of my dreams"... . now he is a BPD reality and I have learned that though I love him, he is making his own destiny... . I need to make mine.

Take care of you and BE THANKFUL that you are OUT of that BPD relationship... .


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freshlySane

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Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2013, 03:09:38 PM »

Quote from: real lady on January 27, 2013, 02:42:43 PM

Quote from: freshlySane on January 27, 2013, 02:19:07 PM

she is with a new man and even though it hurt at first i hope she figures out she needs help so she doesnt destroy another relationship.

so should i not believe her when she tells me she found the man of her dreams and that she is so happy and her life is turning around for the good?

she was talking to him during the last couple months of our relationship and when i lost my job she left me and told me about him


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real lady

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Gender: Female

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Living together, engaged but had been VERY ROCKY from Nov. 2011 to August 2012...evening out now...I am in counseling!!
Posts: 718

Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2013, 03:56:58 PM »

Quote from: freshlySane on January 27, 2013, 03:09:38 PM

so should i not believe her when she tells me she found the man of her dreams and that she is so happy and her life is turning around for the good?

Oh, when BPD's first "fall in love" it is rainbows and unicorns... . NOTHING has ever been so good and of course, WE, the ones that they have painted BLACK NEVER DID ANYTHING for them, WE NEVER loved them, etc... . it is black and white thinking and their selective memory... . OH, she feels that this is love and it is the best but she thought the SAME or MORE SO of you at first before her BPD side came out... . read about the symptoms of BPD on this site and you will see that she is just playing her BPD role and that this "man of her dreams" will find himself in YOUR place shortly. It sounds like just a matter of a few weeks to months depending upon the commitment level... .

Excerpt

she was talking to him during the last couple months of our relationship and when i lost my job she left me and told me about him

That is something that really angers me about pwBPD and their infidelity... . my own sister acts like "it is no ones business but HER (pardon the pun but HER OWN AFFAIR) without giving us any consideration.

I am so sorry that she threw it in your face but I really think that they "get a rush" with a "new love" and hurt us at the same time... . double good for them. What I have learned is that they "have to be obessed" (or NEED FRESH ATTENTION usually) with someone or something (my uBPDso plays computer games... . all day... . right now.) and if he didn't he might be like your ex, finding another victim to use and cast aside.

Try to BE HAPPY being away from her. You have a better life to live and you CAN HEAL and go on and live a BPD free life... . I intend to do the same.


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freshlySane

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 245

Re: I need other perspective going crazy beleving my BPDex is right about me

« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2013, 04:02:41 PM »

THANK YOU SOO MUCH its hard when there is no closure but this website your words has helped me to understand that ill never get it from her but its okay i don't need it i miss the old me and i am slowly becoming a better me and i love the possibility of the future i am enlisting in the Army and i am going in as a Paralegal something i wanted to do for years. Thank you real lady. I have to courage and knowledge to move on


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