Is she using this stuff to get a chance to talk to me? Maybe. Am I playing with fire? Definitely.
Playing with fire. Not if you manage the situation where you are controlling the contact, acting reasonably, and being mindful of her limitations - knowing that reuniting is going to get you back to the same place you were with her before you separated.
It's only playing with fire if you are interacting with her as some kind of manipulation, revenge type motivation, or thought of reconciling based on some false hope.
I was thinking about it and she seems like the person I met. So my guess is that she has returned to inward pain now that she is alone (binge eating, drinking, smoking) instead of the outward pain she pushed onto me. It is "progress" for her in that she is back to her normal. But I know that if she was in a relationship it would all quickly come bubbling back to the surface. And she admitted this during our brief conversation. So she has found peace in a sense; at least enough peace to be able to look back and see who she was and what she did during our relationship.
The bold sentence tells me she has not progressed, but as you stated is processing her pain differently because she is currently in a different position.
It sounds as if you have a pretty good understanding of her behavior and that it is not something you want to be that entangled with for your own mental health. If you can maintain this balanced perspective and your emotions align with it, YOU are the one who has progressed.
